Category Archives: Humor
BUILD THAT WALL!
Along our northern border. And keep these weirdos out of our country!
Father’s Day Sermons Inspire All
Because everyone should be included in everything. Making people feel left out- well it’s just not our way anymore.
In celebration of Father’s Day, the nation’s pastors reportedly spent the whole sermon praising fathers, single mothers, people who take care of pets and feel like a father, and also people who take care of a Tamagotchi electronic pet.
“If you’re a father out there, or you feel like a father, or you temporarily want to identify as a father for the sake of being celebrated today, or you’ve ever been within 100 yards of a father, or you have a cat which is kinda like being a father, or you have a Tamagotchi electronic pet you’ve been taking care of since the ’90s, please stand so we can recognize you,” one pastor at a megachurch in Seattle said. “Thank you so much for your service.”
Pastors said they just didn’t want anyone to feel left out.
“What if we have a Father’s Day and celebrate fathers and we make people feel left out because they’re not, you know, a father?” a Des Moines Baptist megachurch told reporters. “We don’t want to exclude anyone by pretending fathers are special just for one day, so we just celebrate everyone.”
“And when everyone’s special, that’s just a great thing,” he added.
Be Sure to Tend Your Fussy Academic… So It Doesn’t Pitch a Tantrum
Remember, academics are frequently in need of affirmation and attention. If they don’t get it, they get fussy.
Are You Testing Me, Satan?
Because I feel like you’re testing me. I’m sorely tested…
UPDATE: Carol, a lovely person, says it’s a typo…. On Carol, there’s no such thing… GET BEHIND ME Satan!
Luther’s Wife and Her Awesome Lips…
Sorry you can’t see them- Luther had her wear this mouth muzzle…
I guess when you need women to keep silent in Church, you convince them the mouth muffler is the fashion trend to adopt…
NB- calm down.
I Love this Footnote
And kudos to the editor who allowed it! Via Kara Schlichting on the twitter-
Chris Tilling Has Been Wearing These For Years…
The horror is just one of the things you have to endure when you room with him at SBL.
This Made Me Laugh
Via Unvirtuous Abbey
Zwingli Didn’t Actually Like, or Eat Sausage
Though he didn’t mind others who did…
It’s Rained So Much Here…
That killer whales are in the streets…
via Don Grant
iPhones….
In case you haven’t seen this yet…
If Pastors Priced Services Like Hospitals Do
- Prayer for you- $10
- Prayer for your family- $15
- Prayer for your extended family- $20
- Prayer for ‘the world’- $50
- Prayer for your Pet- $10,000
- Prayers at Community Events, Family Reunions, and all other Non-Church Gatherings- $490,000
- Home Visit- $50
- Hospital Visit- $75
- Hospital Visit +Prayer- $200
- Morning Sermon- $777
- Evening Sermon- $777
- Midweek Prayer Service- $900
- Sunday School Class (Teaching)- $50
- Sunday School Class (Non-Teaching) – $90,000
- Wedding Rehearsal- $500
- Wedding Ceremony-$1000
- Wedding Where a Bridezilla is Present- $10,000
- Counseling- $100,000 per hour
- Funeral for Church Member- $1000
- Funeral for non Church Member- $2000
- Funeral which says nice things about the deceased- $5000
- Business Meetings- $5,500
- Deacons Meetings- $25,000
The price list is non negotiable.
If You’re Having An Internal Debate…
About whether or not you should get me a Christmas gift- just remember this:
#YesYouShouldGetMeAChristmasGift
“You have the poor with you always, and you can be kind to them whenever you wish, but you will not always have me.” (Mk. 14:7)
Amen.
Friends Don’t Let Friends Talk About Homeric Hymns and Semiotics
Does no one care about this poor misguided lad? Has he no friends who will speak to him and be a blessing? Alas… I weep…
