Not just stand there and look at the ground. Come on, people. Geesh.
“Say, what’s that burning smell?” ‘Dude, your hair is on fire!!!!!’ ‘Put it out!’ ‘Nah, Imma stand here and just smell the burn’…
Category Archives: Humor
Luther’s Wife and Her Awesome Lips…
Sorry you can’t see them- Luther had her wear this mouth muzzle…
I guess when you need women to keep silent in Church, you convince them the mouth muffler is the fashion trend to adopt…
NB- calm down.
I Love this Footnote
And kudos to the editor who allowed it! Via Kara Schlichting on the twitter-
Trump: “Ich spritze mir selbst seit Jahren Desinfektionsmittel – und hat es mir geschadet?”
Washington (dpo) – Am Donnerstag schockierte Donald Trump die medizinische Welt mit dem Vorschlag, Corona-Patienten durch die Injektion von Desinfektionsmittel zu heilen.
Schließlich halten Ärzte dieses Verhalten für lebensgefährlich. Doch der US-Präsident erklärte, er selbst habe gute Erfahrungen damit gemacht.
“Jeden Tag nach dem Aufstehen verabreiche ich mir selbst eine Injektion Desinfektionsmittel”, so Trump. “Und hat es meinem Gehirn geschadet? Hat es meine Haut oder mein Haar verändert? Hat es meine Hände kleiner gemacht? Bin ich ein narzisstischer Psychopath auf dem geistigen Niveau eines 7-Jährigen geworden? Wie Sie sehen: Nein. Das ist total sicher!”Anschließend zückte er eine Flasche Domestos, zog damit eine Spritze auf und injizierte sie sich vor laufenden Kameras direkt in die Vene.
I guess he’s right… It doesn’t seem to have hurt him, does it…
Look, I Don’t Know This Guy, But He’s a Monster
He’s got books up against cinder blocks. Books!!!!! Next to (rubbing against with their soft book skin) sandpaper rough blocks. MONSTROUS!
Why not just go ahead and flay your books with a glass tipped whip, you monster.
Monster.
DON’T BE THIS GUY! Don’t be a monster to your books.
Ladies, I’m Usually on Your Side… But, to you on this Matter, I say REPENT!
In 1674 during the great Coffee War you women were just dead WRONG! Down with your untrue aspersions on coffee- God’s gift of goodness and joy. Sinner women, repent!!!!! Coffee isn’t enfeebling nor liquor! Sinners!!!! Away with your scandalous pamphlet and undeserved aspersions!!!! (photos via the twitter).
Mike Bird’s ‘Devil’s Commentary’ on Romans
This was no mere typo….
From Mike Bird’s ‘Romans’ Commentary. Also known as the Devil’s Commentary on Romans.
Via JRRRRRR Dodson on the twitter.
For shame, Prof. Bird. Immorality indeed….
With Valentine’s Day Approaching… Karl Barth Has a Book For You
Recently discovered in the Barth Archives at Princeton, a manuscript Barth wrote just weeks before his demise. Printed in a perfect replica of his meticulous tiny hand writing, this book is sure to make waves in the theological world.
Get yourself a copy! But don’t let your wife see it!!!!
It’s All About the Beer for You, Isn’t it Martin?
Luther comments on John 6:54 thusly-
For instance, if I were to say: “Wittenberg beer quenches the thirst, but Annaberg beer does so too,” I would not be excluding any other beer from doing the same thing. But matters change if I say: “If you do not drink Wittenberg beer, you will find no other beer to slake your thirst.” Thus Christ does not confine Himself here to an affirmative statement, but He excludes everything else as He says: “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you.” Thus he who despises His flesh will find that nothing else will prove helpful or be accounted valid. I may call on St. Mary or St. Peter, but they cannot help. All else is ruled out completely. In brief, all other methods are rejected.
Martin… beer is hardly a fit illustration for the uniqueness of Christ’s sacrifice. You German sot.
If Pastors Priced Services Like Hospitals Do
- Prayer for you- $10
- Prayer for your family- $15
- Prayer for your extended family- $20
- Prayer for ‘the world’- $50
- Prayer for your Pet- $10,000
- Prayers at Community Events, Family Reunions, and all other Non-Church Gatherings- $490,000
- Home Visit- $50
- Hospital Visit- $75
- Hospital Visit +Prayer- $200
- Morning Sermon- $777
- Evening Sermon- $777
- Midweek Prayer Service- $900
- Sunday School Class (Teaching)- $50
- Sunday School Class (Non-Teaching) – $90,000
- Wedding Rehearsal- $500
- Wedding Ceremony-$1000
- Wedding Where a Bridezilla is Present- $10,000
- Counseling- $100,000 per hour
- Funeral for Church Member- $1000
- Funeral for non Church Member- $2000
- Funeral which says nice things about the deceased- $5000
- Business Meetings- $5,500
- Deacons Meetings- $25,000
The price list is non negotiable.
