Not the Onion.
Dressed in a red robe and a gold-trimmed bishop’s miter, the clergyman pours whiskey into his cupped hand and anoints the forehead of the man sitting before him.
“You are hereby invested as a minister … This is a double tot,” he says of the remaining whiskey in the chalice. He hands it to the new minister, who downs it.
“Hallelujah!” shout the congregation members who erupt in singing and dancing, swigging from bottles of beer.
Welcome to Gabola Church, which celebrates the drinking of alcohol. The South African church was started eight months ago and has found an enthusiastic following.
It won’t be long till Steven Furtick or Joel Osteen see this as something crowd enticing.
Israel365 has partnered with Menorah Books, a division of Koren Publishers in Jerusalem, to publish the first hard-copy edition of The Israel Bible. This new Bible, set to release to the public in June, is the world’s first Bible (Tanakh) centered around the land of Israel, the people of Israel and the dynamic relationship between them. The Israel Bible is designed for both Jewish and non-Jewish readers.
Israel365 promotes the biblical significance and physical beauty of the land of Israel according to Deuteronomy 11:12 in The Israel Bible: “A land which Hashem your God cares for; the eyes of Hashem your God are always upon it, from the beginning of the year even until the end of the year.”
In other words, the meaning of Scripture is tortured so thoroughly that it is no longer recognizable as Scripture at all and the text is so bastardized that it now serves only the political purpose of justifying Israel’s claims to land presently occupied by Arabs and Palestinians.
Pandering to the Zionists should be the title of the volume.
Nathan O. Hatch’s The Democratization of American Christianity contains this gem (with thanks to Ted Beam for it)-
The upstarts with the ready tongues do indeed deceive the multitude. And today they are Joel Osteen, TD Jakes, Rick Warren, Rob Bell, Rachel Held Evans, and the rest of the self appointed pseudo-theologians and pseudo-Christians whose works litter the bookstores and Jesus Junk shacks and tv stations today and since Americans have no power to discern spirits, they are happy to buy into the arbitrary fancies and baseless opinions of these rankly theologically amorphic false teachers.
Mark Taylor is a former firefighter who claims that while he was watching Fox News back in 2011, God personally told him that Donald Trump would become president of the United States. Taylor initially thought that meant that Trump would challenge President Obama when he ran for re-election in 2012, but when that didn’t happen, Taylor realized that was because it was God’s plan to keep Obama in office for a second term so that Americans could “build a righteous anger” necessary to elect Trump and thereby save the world.
When Trump was elected president in 2016, Taylor penned a book titled “The Trump Prophecies: The Astonishing True Story Of The Man Who Saw Tomorrow… And What He Says Is Coming Next” and quickly made a name for himself as a modem-day prophet and radical conspiracy theorist.
In the last year, Taylor has claimed that God told him that Trump will replace five members of the Supreme Court, three of whom will be removed from the bench after being indicted for corruption, and that two of the five currently living former presidents will die as punishment for criticizing Trump, while the other three will be imprisoned and possibly executed for treason.
Taylor, who claims that Trump will release the cures for cancer and Alzheimer’s disease during his second term in office and asserted that God made journalist Megyn Kelly ill as a “warning shot” to all those who would dare to criticize Trump, believes that thousands of elite satanic pedophiles have been secretly arrested and that we will soon start seeing them prosecuted via military tribunals that will “make Nuremberg look like a cakewalk.” Taylor actually predicted that we’d see mass arrests in February, but the fact that that obviously didn’t happen doesn’t seem to have harmed his standing as a “prophet” in any way.
Last year, Taylor asserted that Hurricanes Harvey and Irma, which devastated parts of Texas and Florida respectively, were created and controlled by the Illuminati to punish the areas of the country that voted for Trump and to serve as a “training run” for a massive witchcraft attack against the president. On top of that, Taylor warned that the Freemasons and the Illuminati are using a special frequency to change people’s DNA in order to make them hate Trump so that they are unable to see how God is using him to save America.
Lunatics. And worse, heretics.
The first evil angel is Tatian, with his Encratites, who forbade marriage and wanted to become righteous by their works, like the Jews. For the doctrine of works-righteousness had to be the first doctrine in opposition to the gospel; and it also remains the last, except that it is always getting new teachers and new names, such as the Pelagians, etc.
The second [evil angel] is Marcion, with his Cataphrygians, Manichaeans, Montanists, etc., who extol their own spirituality above all the Scriptures, and who move—like this burning mountain [8:8]—between heaven and earth, as, for example, Münzer and the fanatics in our day.
The third is Origen, who embittered and corrupted the Scriptures with philosophy and reason, as the universities have hitherto done among us.
The fourth is Novatus, with his Cathari, who denied penance and claimed to be purer than others. Of this same sort were, later, the Donatists. Our clergy, however, are all four [of these evil angels] at once. The scholars who know history will be able to figure this out, for it would take too long to relate and prove everything [here].*
Scholars of our own day will recognize that every heresy ever to assault the Church has been around since the beginning. From the Montanists to the Pentebabbleists and from the Origenists to the Emergents and from the Novations to the Osteenites and everything in between. When it comes to heresy, there really is nothing new under the sun and every new evil is just an old evil renewed.
*Martin Luther, Luther’s Works, Vol. 35: Word and Sacrament I (ed. Jaroslav Jan Pelikan, Hilton C. Oswald, and Helmut T. Lehmann; vol. 35; Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1999), 402–404.
So his ‘church’ needs a new ‘pastor’, in case you want to send along your resume to them. Here he is with his ‘congregation’ before he threw himself off the bridge. The taller guy in the middle that the camera keeps centering on. Oh, and the ‘Church’ had drunken sex parties… so that tells you all you need to know and the gun lust shows you their real lord. (With thanks to Justin for the heads up).
The world’s most notorious heretic is headed your way. Prepare for more blarney than your islands can hold.
Those ignorant of the Bible, and thus theology, have no ethical foundation that can be called Christian. Hence, your advice is both ignorant and malignant. Demonic.
Since October 2017, over 2300 Texans have died due to the flu. In the face of that fact, Gloria Copeland, wife of word of faith preacher Kenneth Copeland, took to Facebook yesterday to declare that there is no flu season.
Although she doesn’t explicitly discourage getting a flu shot, it certainly sounds like she wants her hearers to trust Jesus instead of a shot. In the video, she says:
We’ve already had out shot. He bore out sicknesses and carried our diseases. That’s what we stand on. And by His stripes, we are healed.
After she prays for healing for every person with the flu, she says:
Jesus Himself gave us the flu shot. He redeemed us from the curse of flu. And we receive it and we take it and we are healed by His stripes.
At the end of the talk, she says to “inoculate yourself with the Word of God.”
She also used the video to sell an upcoming “healing seminar.”
Etc. And yeah, those pentebabbleists are absolutely unhinged.
Donald Trump’s spiritual adviser has suggested that people send her money in order to transform their lives, or face divine consequences.
Paula White, who heads up the president’s evangelical advisory committee, suggested making a donation to her ministries to honor the religious principle of “first fruit,” which she said is the idea that all firsts belong to God, including the first harvest and, apparently, the first month of your salary.
“Right now I want you to click on that button, and I want you to honor God with his first fruits offering,” she said in a video shared to her website, in which she encourages her followers to donate to her ministries to get blessings from God.
“If God doesn’t divinely step in and intervene, I don’t know what you’re going to face—he does,” she said.
She’s a heretic, pure and simple. And if you listen to her, and send her as much as a penny, you’re a fool.
Otherwise they wouldn’t offer editions so festooned with idiocy. To flatten the Bible out- to make it a single voiced narrow focus is blasphemous.
It’s not one story. It’s not all about one name. And it isn’t the ‘Jesus Bible’.
This essay addresses the recent ‘transgender service’ at a Lutheran ‘Church’ in Minnesota:
There is Christianity. There is liberal Christianity, which stretches the term considerably. There is heretical Christianity, which is outside the pale but at least claims to still be Christian. At what point, though, does a religious expression cease to be Christian altogether? Consider the “Transgender Day of Remembrance” Communion service at the ELCA’s Luther Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota, on November 15.
You can watch the service here, on YouTube. If you don’t want to watch all 59 minutes, I’ll give you just a few highlights.
Instead of beginning “in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,” two of those terms being construed as sexist, the invocation in this service is “in the name of Creator, Christ, and the Holy Breath.”
There is a confession of sins, but it expresses our failure to be wild and free. The absolution tells us that all shackles are broken and that God accepts us as we are.
The service avoids male terms for God–He, Him, Father, Lord–but then goes all in for gendered language to refer to God. When it comes time to say the Lord’s Prayer, it is addressed to “Our mother who art in heaven.”
God is thereby transgendered!
We could go on, but let’s stop there.
He doesn’t actually stop. He just stops talking about the ‘service’. Read more at http://www.patheos.com/blogs/geneveith/2017/12/is-this-still-christianity/#QVbmOBqpgz2bMzyV.99
I know what Luther would say to that ‘Church’-
Whoever tolerates and listens to you should know that they are listening to the devil himself, incarnate and abominable, as he speaks out of the mouth of a possessed person.
It’s the first day of Prophecy Week at the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Or, as students here like to call the place, Christian Hogwarts.
The auditorium of the civic center in Redding, California, where first-year students have class, is so full of eager, neatly dressed young people that it’s initially impossible to find a seat. The roomful of some 1,200 students hums with expectant energy: People talk in clusters, clutching their books to their chests and stealing eager glances at the stage. There are so many languages spoken here it’s hard to keep track: English of all flavors, spoken with Australian and British and South African accents; Chinese; Korean; Portuguese. It’s a strange medley for a place like Redding, an economically depressed rural outpost about 200 miles north of San Francisco, in the heart of Northern California’s Trump country.
The students are waiting for today’s lecturer, Kris Vallotton, one of the school’s founders and a prophet so prolific he literally wrote the book on it — Basic Training for the Prophetic Ministry, a combined textbook and workbook used by Bethel students to learn how to hear, and speak, God’s words. (“Name the five things that distinguish a false prophet from a true prophet.” “What is the difference between a vision and a trance?”)
The basic theological premise of the School of Supernatural Ministry is this: that the miracles of biblical times — the parted seas and burning bushes and water into wine — did not end in biblical times, and the miracle workers did not die out with Jesus’s earliest disciples. In the modern day, prophets and healers don’t just walk among us, they are us.
To Bethel students, learning, seeing, and performing these “signs and wonders” — be it prophesying about things to come or healing the incurable — aren’t just quirks or side projects of Christianity. They are, in fact, its very center.
What garbage. Luther and the rest were right about these fanatical spiritualists- they are driven by Satan.
Then you don’t know jack about Christianity.
via Chris T.
Please, just stop all talking.
Pat Robertson Blames Vegas Shooting On Disrespect For Trump, The National Anthem And God
Do Christianity a favor, Pat. Just shut up.
It’s quite telling that the very people who are positioned to say something to Trump and have a hearing have said nothing. These are his sycophants, deniers of the Gospel, and damnable heretics on his council-
· Michele Bachmann – Former Congresswoman
A.R. Bernard – Senior Pastor and CEO, Christian Cultural Center
· Mark Burns – Pastor, Harvest Praise and Worship Center
· Tim Clinton – President, American Association of Christian Counselors
· Kenneth and Gloria Copeland – Founders, Kenneth Copeland Ministries
· James Dobson – Author, Psychologist and Host, My Family Talk
· Jerry Falwell, Jr. – President, Liberty University
· Ronnie Floyd – Senior Pastor, Cross Church
· Jentezen Franklin – Senior Pastor, Free Chapel
· Jack Graham – Senior Pastor, Prestonwood Baptist Church
· Harry Jackson – Senior Pastor, Hope Christian Church
· Robert Jeffress – Senior Pastor, First Baptist Church of Dallas
· David Jeremiah – Senior Pastor, Shadow Mountain Community Church
· Richard Land – President, Southern Evangelical Seminary
· James MacDonald – Founder and Senior Pastor, Harvest Bible Chapel
· Johnnie Moore – Author, President of The KAIROS Company
· Robert Morris – Senior Pastor, Gateway Church
· Tom Mullins – Senior Pastor, Christ Fellowship
· Ralph Reed – Founder, Faith and Freedom Coalition
· James Robison – Founder, Life OUTREACH International
· Tony Suarez – Executive Vice President, National Hispanic Christian Leadership Conference
· Jay Strack – President, Student Leadership University
· Paula White – Senior Pastor, New Destiny Christian Center
· Tom Winters – Attorney, Winters and King, Inc.
· Sealy Yates – Attorney, Yates and Yates
None of these persons behaves as a Christian. Sadly, not even the Southern Baptists on the list.
And if you think otherwise, you simply know nothing of Christianity-
Except White and her feckless band of merry heretics aren’t 1/100000000000000000000th as intelligent as Tetzel