Category Archives: Heresy and Heretics

Helicopter Egg Drops…

Join us for our first annual “Eggstravanganza Easter Egg Hunt”, April 20 from 10am-1pm. for ages 2 years – 5th grade. A helicopter will drop thousands of eggs over the GCA Football field. Each age group will have their own designated time for their egg hunt. We will have a Family Fun Zone with inflatables, face painters, balloon artists and food trucks. Don’t miss this FREE event!

Ah yes- churches dropping eggs from helicopters and having pony rides and bounce houses and cotton candy on Holy Saturday. The early church did all this too because they thought Jesus’s stay in hell was just super awesome.

Nope, Jesus Wasn’t in the Notre Dame Flames

Jesus appears in these flames as much as he appears on the History Channel…

A woman has claimed she spotted the figure of Jesus Christ in the blaze which engulfed Notre Dame cathedral on Monday. Flames spread across the roof of the 850-year-old Gothic building amid extensive renovation work. But Lesley Rowan, from Alexandria in Scotland, believes she can see the holy figure among the inferno in one of the pictures taken. She told the Daily Record: “When I looked at this photo last night, I was really astounded by what I saw.

Dear Lesley, seek help.  He is not here (or on the tv).  He is risen.

This is What Passes for ‘Worship’ At Ed Young’s Cult in Dallas…

That’s right, Mr Young is shooting baskets in the ‘auditorium’ while ‘preaching’ about James….

I’d almost feel bad for the few actual Christians who attend this cult but for the fact that they should get out of Sodom.

If this is what the Church is becoming, it deserves to perish.  But it isn’t what the Church is becoming, it is what heretics are turning their congregations into.  I.e., celebrity pastor oriented cults where anything but biblical orthodoxy and orthopraxy reign.

Megachurch Pseudo-Christianity: The Ed Young Edition

Christless ‘Christianity’ is an entertainment industry.

This is Why, If You Administer an Academic Page on Facebook, You Need to Be Vigilant

Otherwise the nutbags come out of the woodworks…

I won’t shame the academic page this is sitting on by naming it.  But it’s been there over 22 hours….

‘Mystics on Crack: Episode 9,832’

Elisabeth of Schönau, a 12th-c Cistercian mystic, had a vision where she asked the Virgin Mary about the state of Origen’s soul. The Virgin replied that Origen’s heresies weren’t due to evil but to an over-zealous immersion in the profundities of scripture. So his soul was OK.

Via Ben Myers (who, in his defense, doesn’t think mystics did crack.  I, however, do).

Steven Furtick is Pimping Shoes…

And they cost nearly $1000. Because he’s a con artist. And he wants to con you.

#TGC19

You just have to love it when these ‘gospel’ coalition guys fete everyone but Jesus…

Someone toss these kids a Bible.  They don’t own one and have never read one.

Megachurches and their Prosperity Pastors Deserve Each Other: Shepherd and Sheep are All Depraved

If they were Christians this wouldn’t happen

South Carolina Pastor John Gray asked his congregation to contribute $250,000 to fix the church’s roof.

That’s after he bought his wife a Lamborghini.

However this asks comes right after Gray was scrutinized for his lavish lifestyle. He gifted his wife a $200,000 Lamborghini Urus. “We didn’t take an easy assignment. If we wanted an easy assignment, we would start from scratch without millions of dollars in debt,” Gray said. “We took the assignment because we knew God has given us the right people to build with. I believe the best days of Relentless Church are in front of it.” “[Ron Carpenter] handed us keys. The keys were not to a paid off building, the keys were to an opportunity, an opportunity to continue the work,” Gray said. “Nothing you see is paid off. It wasn’t paid off when we got here.”

And then the most sickening bit:

“This is not a plea for money, it’s a plea for partnership so we can be what we’re supposed to be.”

What you’re supposed to be is in prison, scammer.

The Relentless Church pastor explained to his congregation that the church still had millions in debt after he took it over from former Pastor Ron Carpenter.

‘Relentless Church’. Tells you everything you need to know. ‘Took it over…’ It’s a fecking business franchise to these vermin.  They all deserve each other. If the members were Christians they wouldn’t attend the Church and if the Pastor was a Pastor he wouldn’t be fleecing the flock. They’re all there for the money. The pastor because he gets it, and the congregants because they want it.  Let them go down in flames.

When Pagans Talk About the Bible…

They make it a magic talisman-

Stay away from the Bible.  You have no business with it.

When Luther and Osteen Armwrestle

luther

If You Are Depending on a Heretic like Joyce Meyer to Guide You Through the Bible…

You’re insane.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: Gloria Copeland Says Jesus Got Immunized, so You Don’t Have To…

Where do these loons come up with this rubbish?  And who is stupid enough to believe them?

Gloria Copeland told her viewers that they won’t catch the flu, because “Jesus himself gave us the flu shot”. Televangelist Gloria Copeland told her viewers this week not to worry about catching the flu. Why? Because Jesus provided his followers with a metaphorical flu shot that will protect them during this particularly dangerous flu season.

Via Milton Almeida.

The History Channel’s ‘Jesus: His Life’… Guess The Executive Producer…

JesusfacepalmThat’s right friends, Joel Osteen is the executive producer of the History Channel’s ‘Jesus: his Life’.   Just fyi.

Upon hearing this news- Jesus reacted thusly- ======>

Nope

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

Via the twitter.  I like how it has a shroud of Turin-esque quality…

If You Can Lure them in With Booze, Someone Can Lure Them Out With Burgers

This is the absurd state of the pretend ‘church’ so popular amongst the theologically bereft and biblically ignorant.

“Christian” churches in the U.S. have been turning to unorthodox means such as concerts, sports, movies, and other entertainment, as a way of getting people to attend for some time. But now there are also “brewery churches.” One is called Castle Church who describes itself as a community church that is “Orlando’s newest premier destination brewery.”

The church says that while beer is its passion, they also make it clear “as a spiritual community, we exist for people first.” It’s reported that perhaps it should come as no surprise that the first known congregation founded expressly as a “brewery church” is a Lutheran outpost, part of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and its Florida-Bahamas Synod.

Since they say that Martin Luther, the famed 16th-century rebel monk and Protestant Reformer, is known to have had a penchant for a palatable pint of beer. They even say he once exclaimed, “Whoever drinks beer, he is quick to sleep; whoever sleeps long, does not sin; whoever does not sin, enters Heaven! Thus, let us drink beer!” With a church development grant from the Florida-Bahamas Synod and other fundraising, they secured a spot for their brewery church in a diverse neighborhood near Orlando’s airport.

Since opening, the community has about 50 meeting each Sunday for worship in the brewery’s beer garden, using apps on their smartphones in lieu of hymnals, and then afterwards enjoy some frothy fellowship. One worshiper said “there’s no beer during the service, but people hang out and eat snacks together and enjoy a beer and get to know one another over a cold one.”

If these people owned a Bible they’d be able to read what it says about lowbrowed manipulation-

We have renounced the hidden things of shame, not walking in craftiness nor handling the word of God deceitfully, but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. (2 Cor. 4:2)

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

South Africa funeral firm to sue pastor for ‘resurrection stunt’

A group of funeral directors in South Africa say they will sue a self-styled prophet who claims to have resurrected a dead man.  A viral video of Pastor Alph Lukau shows him shouting “rise up” to a man laying down in a coffin who then jerks upright to cheers from worshippers.  The funeral companies say they were manipulated into being involved.  The spectacle, seen outside Pastor Lukau’s church in Johannesburg, has been ridiculed and condemned by many.

“There are no such things as miracles,” the Commission for the Promotion and Protection of Cultural, Religious and Linguistic Communities (CRL Rights Commission) told South Africa’s national broadcaster. “They are made up to try to get money from the hopelessness of our people.”

Three funeral companies who say they were manipulated by the “scheme” are now taking legal action for damage to their reputation.  Kingdom Blue, Kings & Queens Funeral Services and Black Phoenix told local media that church representatives tricked them in different ways. “Alleged family members of the deceased” told the Kings & Queens Funeral Services they had had a “dispute with a different funeral service provider”.  The customers also allegedly placed “Black Phoenix stickers on their private car” to look credible to Kings & Queens Funeral Services when they went to hire a hearse from them.

Loons.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

The mother of a man killed in a ‘botched exorcism’ has denied she was trying to resurrect her son – and was instead just praying.

Kennedy Ife, 26, suffered a cardiac arrest after his family bound him with handcuffs, cable ties and rope at their home in Enfield, north London, in August 2016, it is claimed.  Rather than call 999 when he became unwell, father Kenneth, 64, mother Josephine, 56, and brothers Roy, 33, Harry, 32, Colin, 26, along with 20-year-old twins Daniel and Samuel allegedly tried to ‘cure’ him through prayer and restraint.  The court has heard Kennedy was ‘well and healthy’ before August 2016.

But in the days leading up to his death he had displayed increasingly alarming and aggressive behaviour, jurors were told. Giving evidence Mrs Ife described barricading her bedroom door when her son ‘charged’ at her, after allegedly threatening to chop off his own penis and harm another female relative. She said her husband and sons then bound Kennedy after he bit his father during a scuffle out in the hallway. But she added that any restraint was only for short intermittent periods while he posed a threat to himself or others.

The mother was described as ‘deeply religious’ by her own barrister, Caroline Carberry QC. Ms Carberry asked her: “Did you believe your son was possessed, as the prosecution allege, by an evil spirit? “Did you believe that that spirit could only be exorcised by the use of restraint?” Mrs Ife replied: “No, I didn’t believe in that.” The Old Bailey has heard that when police and paramedics were eventually called on 22 August officers watched as the relatives chanted, apparently attempting to ‘resurrect’ Kennedy.

This isn’t Christianity, it’s paganism.

Very Bad Theology

Because based upon imagination and the frenzies of spiritualistic enthusiasts rather than Scripture.

If you do this, don’t do this.  If you insist, then I insist you provide Scriptural warrant.   Which means Scripture correctly exegeted contextually.