Tag Archives: Canada

Oh Canada and Your JesusWeen and Your Marketing ‘Pastors’ and their Theological Ignorance


Jesus, take the Ween! Out of Halloween, that is. As we discussed earlier this week, there is a large contingency of evangelical Christians who aren’t fond of celebrating Halloween, with its pagan origins and reference to otherworldly spirits. …  Some Christians, however, still insist that Halloween is capitulating to demonic forces. Enter JesusWeen. Ween, handily, is an old-fashioned word that can mean “believe”–as in, “I ween that this holiday is very silly.” So the good folks of JesusWeen have set out to reclaim the holiday and turn it into an evangelistic opportunity. “JesusWeen is expected to become the most effective Christian outreach day ever,” their website proclaims, “and that is why we also call it ‘World Evangelism Day.’”

The header on the website features an eerie, yellow sky behind a small country church, and each tab brings with it a ghostly apparition of some worshiper superimposed over the church. “This will definitely result in church growth,” they promise in the Benefits section.

JesusWeen began when a Toronto-based pastor, Paul Ade, heard a word from God encouraging him to pass out copies of the New Testament to kids who came knocking on his door from Halloween. From there, the holiday grew (although how much it’s hard to say; the website says it’s “much more popular than expected” but doesn’t give any numbers), and became an alternative holiday for families who were uncomfortable with Halloween’s “Emphasis on Death, Witches and Zombies.”

Shut up.  Just shut up.  And don’t ever talk about the Church ever again the rest of your life.  And stop it.  Now. If you don’t, the kitten is getting it.  So never ever try to ‘market’ Christianity again.  Ever.  Shut up.


Simcha’s Wildest Speculation to Date

Ever wonder what you might have looked like thousands of years ago? A new documentary series called Lost Faces of the Bible uses what its proponents call “myth-busting archaeology” as well as cutting edge facial reconstruction to offer a picture of life during Biblical times.

“Delilah,” the first episode of the series, which airs Saturday night on Canada’s Vision TV, reconstructs the head and face of a Philistine woman the show’s producers compare to the Biblical Delilah. The original skull, part of a collection at Tel Aviv University, was from 3,000 years ago. By the end of the program, the skull becomes a vividly-detailed model of a woman’s face that features a prominent nose and an elaborate hairstyle.


Oh come on.  Reconstructing facial features has come a long way but it’s passing absurd to suggest, even hint, remotely, that one has or can reconstruct the faces of particular historical figures WITHOUT any skulls to work from and without even claiming to have the actual skulls identified…. IMPOSSIBLE. And, consequently, rank speculation.

But doubtless some uninformed git will watch the series and tell his co-workers at the water cooler that he ‘knows what Delilah looks like’ regardless of how many pseudo-disclaimers the program is laced with (if it even is).

Oh Canada.

The World Votes in Favor of Peace for the Palestinians and the Israelis…

Except for 9 nations which voted against it:

9 nations voted “no” to #UN Palestine bid: US, Israel, Canada, Czech Rep, Nauru, Palau, Panama, Marshall Islands, Micronesia.

That’s some company you keep, U.S. of A….  We’ve linked arms with Panama and Palau… and worst of all, Canada (which really is inexplicable in its vote, as is the Czech Republic).  But at least the rest of the civilized world doesn’t oppose peace.

Canada Has So Little Going For It…

That today it awarded Justin Bieber its Diamond Jubilee Medal.

The Diamond Jubilee Medal, which was bestowed upon Justin Bieber today by Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, is awarded to Canadians who “have made significant contributions to Canada.”

Oh boy… Oh Canada…

Michael Pahl on ‘Evangelicalism’

Must reading.  He commences

It’s a perennial question among evangelicals: What does it mean to be “evangelical”?  As a Canadian, I’ve got more than a little experience with these sorts of identity crises. In Canada attempting to describe what it means to be Canadian is a national past-time right up there with hockey.  So imagine being a Canadian evangelical. It’s truly dizzying.  I’ve thought quite a bit about evangelical identity over the years. Even more so recently, both in light of some personal events but also in view of a book I’m working on that gives some space to this very question.


He’s Back…

Jim Linville, that is.  The funniest Canadian biblioblogger ever.  And I’m glad he is (in spite of the fact that his blogroll is miserably and inexplicably lacking).  So since he’s back, he’s back on the blogroll.  You’ll enjoy the irreverent unbelieving bearded man.  Again, he’s the best Canadian ever.  Of all of them.  Ever.

Canadian Parents Demand Their Children Be Taught…

Pole dancing…  Yes, that’s right, ‘parents’ in Canada have demanded that their kiddies be offered pole dancing classes…

Ballet and tap are so old-school. A dance studio in Vancouver is offering a new type of movement program for kids — pole dancing class.  Kristy Craig, the owner of The Twisted Grip Dance and Fitness Studio says the class, which is offered to kids as young as 5, originated in response to demand from parents. “My existing students were asking about it for their children. They were saying, ‘My daughter plays on my pole at home all the time, I’d love her to actually learn how to do things property and not hurt herself,’” Craig told The National Post.

And so, “Little Spinners” was born. As of September 6, UPI reports that four kids (three girls, one boy) had signed up for the weekly class that costs a mere $70 per one hour session.  The cost of pole dancing class, however is not what most critics are up in arms about. Many parents ask whether kids should be participating in this type of workout at all. Last year, when a studio in England offered a similar program, Babble blogger Meredith Carroll wrote, “How anyone could offer pole dancing to girls almost that young is beyond me. Talk about the increased sexualization of kids.”

Imbeciles.  Turn your little one’s into objects of sexual desire and you’ll be flooded with the pedophiles you seem to be begging for in your bizarre and wicked requirements.

Canada’s Selfish Children

I don’t know if you’ve been following student strikes in Canada but it seems the kids up there are disinterested in paying more for their education and have made life, as a consequence, miserable for thousands of Canadians simply trying to get to work and live their lives.

The level of selfishness on display up north is astonishing. The entitled children are utterly self-involved and now, finally, the government is rightly cracking down.

To be sure, they are free to express their opinions- but their freedom ends at the tips of their noses. Or in other words, they’re free to do what they wish as long as that doesn’t interfere with the rights of honest workers and real tax payers and actual participants in and contributors to society. Freedom has limits and those limits are reached when whiny children make life unbearable for others.

Protests in Montreal and Quebec resulted in the arrest of almost 700 people overnight.

The Toronto Star reports that the demonstrators protested tuition fee increases and they’ve been ongoing for about three months. But, yesterday, police rounded up hundreds of protesters — 518 in Montreal alone.

The Star reports:

“Riot squad officers had been marching on the sidewalk beside the front of the protest all evening. An order to disperse was given when it arrived at Sherbrooke Street because police had been pelted by projectiles and other criminal acts had been committed, Montreal police spokesman Daniel Lacoursiere said. The group had also apparently resisted going in a direction ordered by police.”

The Montreal Gazette reports that last night’s protest was the 30th consecutive march and it started with about “3,000 people walking, chanting and feeling united.”

Perhaps when they have families to support and real bills to pay and children they will appreciate the fact that citizens have the right to go about their daily lives without sniveling kids interfere.

The First Bible, In Inuit

I love stories like this.

The Bible is by far the most translated book in history. Portions of the Old and New Testaments have been translated into more than 2,500 languages. According to United Bible Societies, the complete Bible has been rendered into 469 tongues as of 2010.

Add Inuktitut to that list.

Later this spring, an entire Bible in Inuktitut, the language of Inuit people and the most widely spoken aboriginal tongue in Canada’s Arctic, will be dedicated at an igloo-shaped church in Nunavut, an autonomous region carved out of the Northwest Territories in 1999.

Begun in 1978, the massive task marks the first time in Canada that a translation of the whole Bible was accomplished entirely by native speakers of the language rather than by white missionaries.

It was kick-started by the late Rev. Eugene Nida, considered the father of modern biblical translation, whose major contribution to the field was the concept of “functional equivalence.” Instead of using literal translations, the idea was to convey meaning by incorporating native culture and idiom into the Bible’s story.

Brilliant.  Just fantastic.

If You Thought You Had Heard The Worst Thing About Bankers…

Put your seatbelt on-  this guy makes the Banker crowd look like Mother Theresa. And of course, he’s Canadian:

[A]… banker in the U.K. … armed himself with a slew of weapons, including two crossbows and a rifle, and allegedly burned down his ex-girlfriend’s parents house, reports the Mirror. A Canadian citizen, 42-year-old Al Amin Dhalla allegedly began his four month terror campaign after Alison Hewitt, a 35-year old trainee doctor living in Brighton, ended their relationship in December of 2010, notes the Daily Mail. The pair met through a dating agency and, after a few months, the pair moved in together in Hewitt’s home. But Hewitt’s parents became suspicious of the man after he expressed wishes to quickly wed their daughter and later discovered a hidden criminal record, according to the Mirror.

What a creeper!

Dhalla became agitated when the parents confronted him. Since the breakup, Dhalla not only wrote threatening letters to Hewitt’s co-workers, but hired a 24-hour private investigator to watch her, reports the Daily Mail. Dhalla also allegedly tracked down Hewitt’s parents on vacation while armed with weapons. The final move that got him arrested? Posing as a doctor at Hewitt’s hospital in order to find out her schedule.

Oh Canada…

Things Are About to Get Very Bad in Canada

For her troops at least, a crisis of the first magnitude is brewing:

Canada’s military — facing belt-tightening, a spy scandal and having recently completed a major combat mission in Afghanistan — on Friday said it wanted 20,000 stress balls, but then abruptly backtracked.

What will our neighbors to the frozen north squeeze now?????

Little other information about the stress ball order had been provided before it was axed, except that the rubber items must be “orange” in color.

Pray for Canada.  They won’t be able to continue on now…

The Blizzard/ Snowpocalypse of 2012

All schools in the region are closed.  We’ve got a whopping 1″ on the grassy areas and it’s 23 degrees here right now at 6 in the morning.

Tragic News: The Perfect Pastor is Dead!

An associate pastor and church sound man pulled a Weekend-At-Bernie’s-style scheme, keeping their church’s senior pastor in the pulpit six weeks after his unexpected death.    “I thought he was going through a personal renewal which mellowed him,” says one member after learning that pastor Lenny Dillon had been dead since July.  Dillon, 57, died of a stroke while vacationing with his wife in Canada. She went along with the scheme because she couldn’t bear to let her husband go.  It “comforted me to see him preaching, even though I knew he was dead,” she says.

I understand perfectly how she could see him preaching even though he was dead.  It’s really, really hard to tell the difference between a living preacher and a dead one!  Indeed, sometimes it’s just better to be dead:

To the trio’s amazement, the church flourished. Rancorous disagreements stopped. People felt ministered to and cared for.  “He seemed so happy all of a sudden,” says one woman. “That peace spread through the congregation.”  Barry and Linda Cox attended several counseling sessions with the dead pastor and said it vastly improved their marriage.  “He was such a good listener,” she says.

I know when I’m dead I’ll be much nicer!  And people will prefer me that way, let’s face it.  Just as they did this chap-

Embalmed and dressed in a three-piece suit, Dillon was propped against the pulpit every Sunday. The associate stitched sermons together from past sermon tapes. The sound man turned down the lights. After service the associate and sound man helped Dillon shake hands in the foyer. They put sunglasses on Dillon and made up a story about botched laser eye surgery.  Though the ruse has ended, some people in the church want the corpse back.  “Best two months this church has ever had,” said one man. •

That will certainly be the sound heard roundly when I’m dead too.  Just as artists only come to be appreciated when they’re dead, so too Pastors.

Oh Thank Goodness For the Canadian ‘Mayan Calendar’ Guy…


English: Logo for University of Regina

Without his reassurance, I may have fallen afoul of the ‘end of the world in 2012 because the Mayan’s predicted it’ stupidity.

A Regina man who trained as a Mayan timekeeper says the end of the ancient Mayan calendar does not mean the end of the world. Dec. 21, 2012 marks the end of the 5,125-year-long Mayan Long Count calendar.  That has led to dire end-of-times predictions, including hundreds of thousands of doomsday websites and blogs on the internet and even films depicting the end of the world.

But to be fair, the hundreds of thousands of doomsday websites and blogs are all the product of just one maniacal lunatic and we all know who that is- Geoff Hudson.  So there are really only 1 website and 1 blog and loads of iterations of that singularity.

But the Global Chair of Journalism at the University of Regina says that’s not an accurate interpretation of the calendar.

Whew.  I’m relieved…  Just when I had given up hope that there were any decent people in Canada besides David Meadows and Jim Linville.  (With thanks to David for mentioning this mind laxative on the FB).

Breaking News: A Newly Discovered Codex of the Gospel of Judas!!!

The Archaeological-Biblical Review is set to publish a newly discovered Codex of the Gospel of Judas which has been discovered in the hills of Elkington, WV.

According to the essay, written Harry Spanks, the newly found Codex

… dates from the first century CE and, indeed, to the first half of that century.  I posit the date of 35-40 CE.  The script is clearly paleo-Hebrew and I translate as follows:

And then did Judas say … [a….] so that the truth will come from a book written on metal which will contain all the truths which Jesus spoke to we, his disciples.  […..]  twelve [….] lay down […..] fish and goats, lights and swamps, liver and [onio…].  These wondrous words will then fall into the world with such force that none can deny them save those destined for damnation and perdition ….

We (the publication team), aided by a coterie of British scholars of the Bible (and a few Scandinavians) will publish, in book form, a full length treatment of the find.  We are also working on a movie to be filmed in Canada by a well known Canadian film-maker.

We want to thank all those who have been involved in this project since the beginning here in Elkington.

The essay contains more but I’m not at liberty to divulge it as the authors only wish the public to see bits and parts until the book goes on sale and the movie airs on The Discovery Channel.

Here, though, is a photo of the Codex:

Please do not redistribute it – the scholars involved wish to retain copyright.

Canadian Oil’s Dirty Little Not so Secret

The small town of Fort Chipewyan in northern Alberta is facing the consequences of being the first to witness the impact of the Tar Sands project, which may be the tipping point for oil development in Canada. The local community has experienced a spike in cancer cases and dire studies have revealed the true consequences of “dirty oil”. Gripped in a Faustian pact with the American energy consumer, the Canadian government is doing everything it can to protect the dirtiest oil project ever known. In the following account, filmmaker Tom Radford describes witnessing a David and Goliath struggle.

Take a look.  Yet more proof that we need clean energy and not fossil fuels.  Come on sciency people, get busy and stop playing video games and debating theological issues (about which you know nothing anyway).

Oh Canada…

You guys used to be known as the nice folk to the north.  Quiet, unassuming, productive, diligent, all that good stuff.  But now, you’ve turned into thugs and hooligans just because your hockey team lost.

I hate to do it, and it brings me no joy, but I’m going to have to drop the TD bomb on ya… because your behavior is just, well, totally depraved.


Remember, it’s just a game.  And it’s not even a real game like soccer.

Canada: The Real Enemy of America!

As an expose on the Daily Show clearly shows!  Ghastly.

Oh Canada: Moral Turpitude

Ontario Superior Court of Justice

Maybe Canada can replace Thailand as the go-to destination for the totally depraved. It’s on track to.

An Ontario court has struck down key provisions in Canada’s prostitution laws in a case that could set a precedent for the country. Prostitution itself is not illegal in Canada, but the court struck down three provisions that criminalized most aspects of it. Communicating for the purposes of prostitution, pimping and operating a brothel were decriminalized under the court’s ruling. Ontario Superior Court Justice Susan Himel ruled Tuesday that the dangers prostitutes face far outweigh any harm which may be faced by the public. Himel said the laws set up to protect prostitutes actually harm them.

Nice, huh… Well this fills me with a measure of relief since it shows that American Judges aren’t the only ones devoid of sense.