In the Absence of Authentic Christian Theology…

The vacuum is always filled by absurdity.

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Total Depravity: The Man Who Killed a Guy In Church Because He Sat in His Pew

A churchgoer shot a fellow parishioner in a Pennsylvania church after a fight broke out over a seat in the sanctuary on Sunday, authorities say. The argument started when a churchgoer told Robert Braxton III, 27, he was sitting in seats reserved for two other church members during Sunday service at the Keystone Fellowship Church, district attorney Kevin Steele said.  He yelled “don’t f—ing touch me” after a church member tapped him on the shoulders to let him know he was in someone else’s seat, an affidavit obtained by NBC Philadelphia said.

Jesus, deliver us.

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Zondervan is Why Christian Publishing Companies Should Be Owned By Christians

Because when they aren’t but instead are owned by people who care nothing for theology and have only an eye on profit, they produce theological rubbish like this:

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There’s no such thing as a ‘specialized’ Bible in the first place but when the selling points are ‘gross and gory stuff’ and ‘humorous Bible facts’ and application via doodles and sketches and worst of all, a promise that you’ll be more like Jesus ‘mentally’ and ‘physically’ then what you have at hand is pure garbage.  Do explain, Zonder, how it is that you are so familiar with the inner life of Jesus’s mind that you can assert that young men reading your notes will gain the same mind.

Target is being boycotted by Christians because of their toilet policy.  Zondervan should be boycotted by Christians because these sorts of things, which they publish, belong in the toilet.

It isn’t Christianity that drives Zondervan’s editorial decisions- it’s the almighty dollar and a gullible and ignorant public.

13acpz

Posted in Luther Burns Your Worthless Book, misery, Modern Culture, pseudo-christianity, pseudo-scholarship, pseudo-theology | Leave a comment

Calvin’s Deathbed Farewell Speech to the Ministers of Geneva

Spoken on 28 April, 1564-

“ ‘Brethren, after I am dead, persist in this work, and be not dispirited; for the Lord will save this Republic and Church from the threats of the enemy. Let dissension be far away from you, and embrace each other with mutual love. Think again and again what you owe to this Church in which the Lord hath placed you, and let nothing induce you to quit it. It will, indeed, be easy for some who are weary of it to slink away, but they will find, to their experience, that the Lord cannot be deceived. When I first came to this city, the gospel was, indeed, preached, but matters were in the greatest confusion, as if Christianity had consisted in nothing else than the throwing down of images; and there were not a few wicked men from whom I suffered the greatest indignities; but the Lord our God so confirmed me, who am by no means naturally bold (I say what is true), that I succumbed to none of their attempts. I afterwards returned thither from Strassburg in obedience to my calling, but with an unwilling mind, because I thought I should prove unfruitful. For not knowing what the Lord had determined, I saw nothing before me but numbers of the greatest difficulties. But proceeding in this work, I at length perceived that the Lord had truly blessed my labors. Do you also persist in this vocation, and maintain the established order; at the same time, make it your endeavor to keep the people in obedience to the doctrine; for there are some wicked and contumacious persons. Matters, as you see, are tolerably settled. The more guilty, therefore, will you be before God, if they go to wreck through your indolence. But I declare, brethren, that I have lived with you in the closest bonds of true and sincere affection, and now, in like manner, part from you. But if, while under this disease, you have experienced any degree of peevishness from me, I beg your pardon, and heartily thank you, that when I was sick, you have borne the burden imposed upon you.’

“When he had thus spoken, he shook hands with each of us. We, with most sorrowful hearts, and certainly not unmoistened eyes, departed from him.”

Beza modestly omits Calvin’s reference to himself which is as follows: “Quant à nostre estat interieur, vous avez esleu Monsieur de Beze pour tenir ma place. Regardez de le soulager, car la charge est grande et a de la peine, en telle sorte qu’il faudroit qu’il fust accablé soubs le fardeau. Mais regardez à le supporter. De luy, ie sçay qu’il a bon vouloir et fera ce qu’il pourra.”

Calvin, the best Frenchman the Church has ever produced.  See you some day, John.

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Pseudo-Philosopher Angry Atheist Adventurer Richard Dawkins Gets Bee Stung

Bahahaha.

The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science confirmed Thursday that its eponymous founder is still able to utilize the “Flying Spaghetti Monster” argument against creationism while keeping a straight face.

The argument claims that there is as much reason to believe that a “Flying Spaghetti Monster” created and rules the universe, as there is to believe in the God of the Bible. But while the logic that sincere belief in God supported by philosophical, scientific, and historical proofs is in any way equivalent to a bitter, feigned belief in a divine being of pasta is clearly absurd on its face, Dawkins confirmed he still plans to use the leaky line of reasoning “whenever the situation calls for it.”

Rumors had begun to swirl in recent months that Dawkins was no longer able to pretend he was serious while using the unconvincing and feeble argument, but the British biologist and outspoken atheist denied these claims as part of the Foundation’s recent statement.

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Pandering Bloody Blasted Heretics and the ‘Churches’ They Festoon with Theological Ignorance

An Atlanta ‘Church‘ opened its worship service with a rendition of the newly dead Jehovah’s Witness Prince’s ‘Purple Rain’.

  • Church
  • Worship
  • Secular song
  • Jehovah’s Witness

These things don’t belong together in Christianity no matter how much a ‘church’ wants to cash in on someone’s death.

The intentional ambiguity of Prince’s sexuality was complimented perfectly by his intricate, steamy, and gyrating music. Like its genius creator, the song “Purple Rain” is drenched in its own ambiguousness but without undermining any overt odes to the god called sex. To use a song that NME once referred to as “an unholy triptych”in the worship service on the Lord’s Day is beyond the pale, no matter how much that church desires to be a relevant place where people who don’t go to church feel comfortable. That marketing-driven desire being allowed to reshape ecclesiology is the real sickness; the use of an inappropriate song is the symptom.

Disgusting.  Truly disgusting.

Posted in Modern Culture, Pentebabbleism, Pentebabbleists, pseudo-christianity, pseudo-theology, scorn, Total Depravity | 1 Comment

The Funniest Thing I’ve Seen In Ages

TITLES OF BACH CHORALES, AS TRANSLATED BY MY NIECE AFTER ONE SEMESTER
OF GERMAN.

Hilarity!  Seriously.  Here’s just a snippet-

Nun lob mein Seel den Herren
Don’t throw that herring to my seal

Was willst du dich, o meine Seele
What are you gonna do now, O my seal?

Christ lag in Todes Banden
Christ is late to every band rehearsal

Schmücke dich, o liebe Seele
My dear seal, you are such a schmuck

Lawsy.  I can’t see. My eyes are covered with water.

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