Category Archives: pseudo-theology

“Emergent Theology Workshop”: The Video

Michelle Bachmann: Winner of This Week’s Dilly Award

Politicians should never pretend to be theologians.  Because they aren’t.  And Bachmann is a prime example.

While speaking last week on the Last Days radio program “Understanding the Times with Jan Markell,” former GOP Rep. Michele Bachmann linked political advocacy on the left with the rise of the Antichrist.

Bachmann said that Donald Trump’s opponents, much like the people who built the Tower of Babel, are rebelling against God to bring about “the creation of a manmade, one-world system. And scripture tells us that in the End Times, that is what Antichrist will be, he will be a part of a one-world system.”

“There are people who reject Judeo-Christian truth and instead want to insert and usurp control of all of our lives with a global, economic and political government,” she said.

Here’s your Dilly.  You certainly deserve it.

When You Try to Make a Pithy Point But You Don’t Know The Text of Genesis

Oops-

Then looking up, Abraham saw a ram caught by its horns in a bush. Abraham took the ram and offered it as a burnt offering in place of his son. (Gen. 22:13).

#Fail

Some Theologians Are Just Plainly Crazy

“There is a hidden grace in poverty, and happy is he who knows how to find it.” – Vincentius

[The problem of course is that the Bible never describes poverty as some sort of meritorious state.  Vincentius is what happens when people think they can earn redemption].

#ICYMI- Lutheran Satire’s View of Rachel Held Evans’ View of the Millennials View of the Church

Bravo, Lutherans, Bravo.

via Lutheran Satire on FB

via Lutheran Satire on FB

Boy The Speculation Boggles the Imagination…

Rampant even.

The Bee Stings The Heresy Called ‘The Shack’

A group of friends walking out of a matinee showing of the new movie adaptation of William P. Young’s bestselling novel The Shack Friday afternoon excitedly discussed their newfound misconceptions about the nature of God and the Trinity, sources confirmed.

“I just love how the Father was represented as a matronly woman, just hangin’ out and making pancakes for everyone,” one of the moviegoers reportedly said as he tossed his empty bag of popcorn into a waste bin. “That’s definitely the most faithful representation of Almighty God I’ve seen on the big screen.”

Another member of the group agreed. “Yeah, and how she showed her scars from the cross. I’ve never thought about how the Father was crucified with the Son—but it’s all so clear now.”

“That stuff is great, but I really liked how Jesus was so chill,” another chimed in, according to sources. “When he goes running on the water with Mack, I was like, yup—classic Jesus. That’s the Savior of the world if I’ve ever seen Him.”

At publishing time, several members of the group reportedly could not wait to start discussions with family and friends so they could enlighten them with their newfound misconceptions about the nature of the eternal Lord of all creation.

Theological ignorance abounds in Hollywood.  Those people are worse than Servetus.

NT Wright: Marcionite

Wright’s view of God aligns perfectly with Marcion and completely opposite of the Prophets and the Gospels themselves.

The Bee Stings the Fatuous, Theologically Ignorant, Annoying ‘Church Growth Expert’

Stating he was shocked at the Lord’s “ignorant” approach to attractional church growth, self-described church growth expert Mark A. Sloniker was reportedly cringing the entire time he read through several of Christ’s popular sermons in the gospels Tuesday.

“‘The flesh counts for nothing?’ ‘No one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him?’ Oh, come on, Jesus, you know better than that,” Sloniker reportedly muttered to himself as he read through the sixth chapter of the Gospel of John. Sure enough, the church leadership guru’s fears were confirmed, as the text then stated that many of Jesus’ disciples no longer followed him.

“He had such a good thing going with the feeding of the five thousand—why’d He have to blow it? Why not just seal the deal with an extreme men’s ministry event, or a big Easter giveaway?” an exasperated Sloniker added.

Flipping through other stories in the inspired accounts of Jesus’ life, Sloniker continued to wince and cringe as he read the narratives of Jesus “going ballistic on potential future church members” in the temple, turning away seekers who came asking how they could join Him, and constantly preaching on the reality of hell and eternal punishment.

“If only the Savior were as enlightened about church growth as we are, He could have had an honest-to-goodness megachurch,” Sloniker lamented.

The Bee has been hanging around SBC convention conventicles led by ‘church growth experts’ more than enough it seems.

Dilly Of the Year Winner

Maybe of the decade.

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Anyway, ‘Phil’, here’s your well deserved award.  Wear it proudly.

dilly-the-dilettante

‘The Shack’

Public notice: ‘The Shack’ is not Christian theology.  It’s imaginary Hollywoodism.  If you get your theology from Hollywood, well you’re nuts.

Metaxas Claims His Bonhoeffer Bio is Completely True. Actual Bonhoeffer Scholars Can’t Stop Laughing

Eric Metaxas lives in a curious space among those who admire and study German pastor and martyr Dietrich Bonhoeffer. In one universe dominated by evangelicals outside of academia, Metaxas is viewed as a Bonhoeffer scholar. In another dominated by academics and Bonhoeffer scholars, he is considered a revisionist of Bonhoeffer’s work, someone who has hijacked Bonhoeffer perhaps for partisan religious purposes.

Yesterday on his radio show, Metaxas took aim at the latter group. His guest on the program was Hillsdale College president Larry Arnn. Arnn, a Winston Churchill scholar, told Metaxas about a recent talk at Hillsdale by the widow of Churchill biographer Sir Martin Gilbert. In the course of the discussion with Mrs. Gilbert, the subject of Bonhoeffer came up. Arnn said all of the information about Bonhoeffer in the room came from Metaxas’ Bonhoeffer bio.

And much more.  Give it a read.  Metaxas really is a deluded man; a pseudo-scholar of the highest order.  Indeed, he is no scholar.  He’s a cartoon creator.  He should stick with what he knows and stop deceiving people about Bonhoeffer and other topics.

A Genuine Pooling of Ignorance Bible Study, For Just $699

Bell and Evans…. and Wright…. and the rest.  What a farcical assemblage of exegetical dilettantism.  And all for just $699 early registration.  HarperCollins is clearly willing to sell any rubbish.

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A Bit of Craziness from the C of E

A leading theological college that trains priests for the Church of England has apologised after it hosted a service to mark LGBT history month that referred to God as “the Duchess”.

Student priests at Westcott House in Cambridge organised the evensong service on Tuesday in the college chapel. Advertised as a “Polari evening prayer in anticipation of LGBT+ history month”, it was described as a “liturgical experiment”. Polari is slang used by some gay people.

A prayer referred to the “Fantabulosa fairy” and ended: “Praise ye the Duchess. The Duchess’s name be praised.” Psalm 19 was reworded to refer to “O Duchess, my butchness”.

The service was “an attempt at queering the liturgy of evening prayer, locating the queer within the compass of faith, and recovering for the Christian tradition a sense of its own intrinsically subversive jouissance,” said a printed explanation.

The organisers said that just as Jesus welcomed the outcast, “Today we might follow in the footsteps of his daring, boldly and outrageously welcoming the Queer (both human and divine) in a way never before attempted.”

The college principal, the Rev Canon Chris Chivers, said the service was “hugely regrettable”. It used “a form of liturgy which was not an authorised act of worship in line with the college’s procedures,” he said. “I fully recognise that the contents of the service are at variance with the doctrine and teaching of the Church of England, and that is hugely regrettable.”

The service had caused some members of the college “considerable upset and disquiet”. Chivers said he had spoken to the organisers and was “tightening the internal mechanisms of the house to ensure this never happens again”. The college hoped “to make a creative contribution to setting a different tone for the debate on human sexuality in the church. But this was not it,” he said.

Ya think….???  Ya.  Think?

Evangelical Supporters of Trump: What’s Wrong With You?

I know there’s something wrong with Trump.  He is immoral, amoral, perverse, hateful, xenophobic, misogynistic, and not a Christian.  But what’s wrong with you that you actually support such a person and continue to defend him?

Today-

At the National Prayer Breakfast, a solemn occasion with a rich history, President Trump spent more than a minute talking about his former reality show “The Apprentice.”

How is that appropriate?  How is Trump anything other than self serving and self aggrandizing and how does that sort of disposition line up with the demands of Jesus?

He used the occasion to jokingly call for prayers for its new host Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Since when is prayer a matter of jokes?  How is it ok with you that Trump treats it as such?

“Ratings went right down the tubes. It’s been a total disaster,” he said.

Again, how is that appropriate subject matter for a prayer breakfast?  How?

The keynote speaker at the National Prayer Breakfast was Barry Black, the chaplain of the United States Senate.  Moved by Black’s remarks, Trump lauded him. “I don’t know if you’re Democrat or Republican, but I’m appointing you for another year. The hell with it.”

‘The hell with it’?  And you’re actually ok with him?  You are a great mystery to me.  Explain yourselves.  Explain how you manage to disconnect your Christianity (ok, supposed Christianity) from your politics.  How?  Just how?

Oh Papists…

You with your intercessions of saints….

huh

The only dead person I want providing ‘constant care’ and ‘intercession’ for me is Jerome.  Because he’s funny….

The Bee Stings Purpose Driven Drivel and Thomas Nelson

In its latest push to capitalize on popular Christian book trends, religious publisher Thomas Nelson hurriedly announced upcoming book The Purpose Driven Jesus Calling Adult Coloring Book Featuring Tim Tebow Tuesday to much fanfare.

The book will reportedly feature forty days of purpose-driven devotionals written as if Jesus were talking directly to the reader, with inspirational images of Tim Tebow captioned with encouraging Joel Osteen quotes for believers to color during their read-through.

“This book is everything Christians want to read right now, all wrapped up into one,” a Thomas Nelson representative told reporters. “And best of all, you get to color every page yourself!”

“We fully expect this to become the number-one bestseller for a very long time to come,” the rep added.

At publishing time, the new book had generated millions of preorders, prompting the publisher to announce a follow-up book entitled The 5 Money Languages: An Amish Romance Coloring Book Featuring Chip & Joanna Gaines.

Yup- that about sums up the marketing aims of Thomas Nelson and the continuing theological stupidification of American Christians.

Oh Zondervan, Why Would You? Why?

But it makes no sense.  It is irrational, and, frankly, absurd.  But anything for a buck I suppose, for those Murdochian companies that care more for profit than theological sense.

why

More ‘Second Coming’ Prediction Madness

These people should just stop.  But they seem incapable of it, driven by some sort of demonically induced madness.

An Israeli Rabbi has claimed that the biblical prophecy of Balaam, which says that the appearance of a new star will precede the coming of the Messiah, matches an astronomical event that scientists predict will occur in 2022. Although the Jewish faith does not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, some Christians have interpreted the Rabbi’s prediction as proof that Jesus’ second coming will occur in 2022.

Rabbi Yosef Berger of King David’s Tomb on Mount Zion claimed that biblical prophecy of Balaam and “Jewish esoteric sources” show that the astronomical event predicted for 2022, the collision of two stars to form a brand new star in the night sky, will herald the arrival of the Messiah. The astronomical event fulfills an ancient prophetic sign of the coming of the Messiah, the Rabbi claimed, according to Breaking Israel News.

Rabbi Berger claimed that Balaam’s prophecy and other Jewish mystical sources say that the coming of the Messiah will be preceded by heavenly signs involving multiple stars. The ancient prophecy of the arrival of the Messiah matches recent predictions by astronomers that a dazzling display from a red nova explosion will appear in the sky in 2022, following the collision of two faint stars in the constellation of Cygnus, according to the Rabbi.

Lunacy.  When 2022 comes and goes I hope this guy has the courage to admit he is a liar.

Andy Stanley Is A Poor Theologian and A Really Poor Thinker

Or, a really poor thinker, which is what makes him a poor theologian.  Wait, he isn’t a theologian at all.  He’s the Pastor of a megachurch, where being a theologian is the last thing anyone wants.

Stanely’s recent remarks about the Virginal Conception (it’s not a Virgin Birth… that’s a biologically nonsensical phrase) of Jesus show that he doesn’t understand Scripture or Christian theology.  But that’s to be expected, because the reason he says and does what he says and does isn’t to communicate truth, it’s to draw a crowd.

Stanley is, if I might put it quite crudely, exactly what every other megachurch pastor is- a publicity whore.  He craves publicity and is willing to say and do whatever necessary to get it.  Even if what he has to say is quite outrageous.  But that’s the point, really.  That’s what gets attention.

If a Christian asserts classic Christian belief, that’s not news.  But if a pretend Christian says that he or she doesn’t believe in God or doesn’t think the Bible is true or theologically meaningful or, around Christmas, that Jesus is just like everyone else, then that gets the news juices flowing.

Attention whores love attention.  Andy Stanley is an attention whore, not a theologian.  His remarks should be taken in that light.