Category Archives: pseudo-theology

Jeff Sessions is Using the Bible to Justify Separating Children From their Parents, And He’s 100% Wrong About It

This is sickening and vile. Sessions quoting the Bible out of context is exactly why dilettantes like him, distorters of Scripture, shouldn’t be allowed within 100 miles of the Bible. He should never talk about the Bible again- because he doesn’t understand it at all.

TBN – The Blasphemy Network

Last week, TBN teased a name change for the long-running Christian channel, and finally revealed the new official name for the station on a live broadcast this morning: The Blasphemy Network.

“Trinity Broadcasting Network simply wasn’t right for our brand, as it contains accurate theology and no indication that we regularly broadcast completely heretical teachings,” TBN president Matt Crouch said on the live show. “We wanted to remind our audience that we’re all about the blasphemy, 24/7.”

Coinciding with the name change, the network also announced an exciting new variety show called “The Benny Hinn Show,” a workout program tentatively titled “Steven Furtick Pumps You Up,” and a spin-off of an old MTV show dubbed “Cribs: Prosperity Preacher Edition.”

Pentebabbleists… they do love their heresy.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

On April 28, 2011, Mark Taylor—a recently retired firefighter—woke at 2 a.m. Unable to return to sleep, he turned on his TV. Clicking through channels, he stopped at C-Span. The man on his screen was Donald Trump.

At that moment Mark heard God say, “You are hearing the voice of the next president.” Little did Mark know several dozen video recordings of others documented that they also heard the same message and were equally convinced it came from God.

Years later, while receiving treatments for post-traumatic stress—remnants from his work as a firefighter—Mark’s therapist, Dr. Don Colbert, an expert in the treatment of PTS, asked permission to share Mark’s unusual journal entry with his wife, an international ministry networker, Mary Colbert. Mary immediately recognized the rhythm and cadence of the April 28 journal entry as a message that was very important and special.

After seeking counsel and much prayer, Mary created the Nation Builders prayer network, which grew organically to hundreds of thousands of Christians uniting in prayer for our nation and its leadership.

Mark and Mary eventually co-wrote a book chronicling his remarkable journey from his stressful work as a firefighter, through the evening election night, 2016. Part of that book is the basis for The Trump Prophecy, a film focusing on the power of prayer and the biblical mandate to pray for those in authority over us.

Ugh.  The madness people will suck up when they have not even the most basic understanding of Scripture.

Andy Stanley is a Marcionite Heretic and No Christian

North Point Community Church Senior Pastor Andy Stanley has stated that Christians need to “unhitch” the Old Testament from their faith.  In the final part of a recent sermon series, Stanley explained that while he believes that the Old Testament is “divinely inspired,” it should not be “the go-to source regarding any behavior in the church.”

That’s what Marcion said, and the Church rejected it, and him.  Put plainly, one CANNOT understand the New Testament without the Old and there is a LOT in the OT that is extremely valuable.  Jettisoning it for the sake of some pseudo- Gospel is heresy. Damnable heresy.  And Stanley is a damnable heretic.

Only A Person With Zero Understanding of Theology Thinks Automated Prayer Should be a Thing

Zero understanding of theology.

Buffonery: Alcohol Church

Not the Onion.

Dressed in a red robe and a gold-trimmed bishop’s miter, the clergyman pours whiskey into his cupped hand and anoints the forehead of the man sitting before him.

“You are hereby invested as a minister … This is a double tot,” he says of the remaining whiskey in the chalice. He hands it to the new minister, who downs it.

“Hallelujah!” shout the congregation members who erupt in singing and dancing, swigging from bottles of beer.

Welcome to Gabola Church, which celebrates the drinking of alcohol. The South African church was started eight months ago and has found an enthusiastic following.

It won’t be long till Steven Furtick or Joel Osteen see this as something crowd enticing.

Quote of the Century

Nathan O. Hatch’s The Democratization of American Christianity contains this gem (with thanks to Ted Beam for it)-

schaff

The upstarts with the ready tongues do indeed deceive the multitude.  And today they are Joel Osteen, TD Jakes, Rick Warren, Rob Bell, Rachel Held Evans, and the rest of the self appointed pseudo-theologians and pseudo-Christians whose works litter the bookstores and Jesus Junk shacks and tv stations today and since Americans have no power to discern spirits, they are happy to buy into the arbitrary fancies and baseless opinions of these rankly theologically amorphic false teachers.

Matt Is What Happens When Someone Without Theological Sense or Skill Tries to Talk Theologically

This Is Why I Can’t Even With Tim Keller

He’s a genuinely horrible theologian and a worse exegete.  His notion is simply false and reductionistic.  He destroys the rich fullness of the Bible and he flattens it into a 1 dimensional untrue patch of land.  If all we needed to know was Jesus the Bible would consist only of the Gospel of John.

The Rachel Held Evans Emergent ‘Christian’ ‘Confession’ of ‘Faith’

Others helped, but it’s pretty clear that the document is largely hers much the same way that the Barmen Declaration is Barth’s even though many others ‘contributed’ to it…

A new catechism released by a coalition of several progressive, mainline denominations Tuesday consists solely of 107 questions, without a single answer to any of them, sources confirmed.

Liberal priests, scholars, and ministers from mainline Episcopal, Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian traditions gathered to pound out the document full of bold theological questions that they then refuse to answer in any way.

The catechism will allow progressive Christians to memorize several new questions each week of the year, but will not oppress believers with any “toxic” concrete answers.

“What is our only hope in life and death? Seriously, anybody know?” question #1 reads, setting the tone for the remainder of the document.

Other thought-provoking questions in the teaching tool include the following:

  • Q2: What is God? Anyone? Bueller?
  • Q84: What does every sin deserve, other than unquestioning, breathless affirmation?
  • Q86: What is faith in Jesus Christ? Did he even exist? What does it all mean?
  • Q107: What if we’re all just part of a big video game simulation, bro?

During a vape break at the conference, one episcopal priest told journalists, “We want God’s people to follow Her with deeds, not creeds. This teaching guide is perfect for clergy that want their congregations to ask the big ‘God’ questions, without ever providing any kind of solid answer to any of them.” She further stated that the document will encourage the “spirit of doubt” that Christ wanted His people to develop in their spiritual walk.

“After all, isn’t that what it’s all about?” she added as she took an pensive puff of her avocado-flavored vaping fluid. “Seriously, is it? I have no idea.”

This is ‘Not the Onion’… ‘Animal Universalism’

Evidently there are really people this utterly insane, writing books, for Oxford University Press….

“We think that there is good reason to believe that all animals shall be ushered into heaven and remain there for eternity. We therefore defend Animal Universalism:   Animal Universalism: All sentient animals will be brought into heaven and remain there for eternity.”  – Shawn Graves, Blake Hereth, and Tyler M. John, ‘In Defence of Animal Universalism’, Paradise Understood: New Philosophical Essays about Heaven, ed. T. Ryan Byerly and Eric J. Silverman (OUP, 2017), p. 161

‘Not.  The.  Onion.’  (Via Deane Galbraith on the FB).

Poor Ireland and England

The world’s most notorious heretic is headed your way.  Prepare for more blarney than your islands can hold.

That’s Not How Prayer Works

Prayers aimed at people are pointless because people can’t answer them.  Prayers are only properly directed TO GOD.  Learn a bit of theology.

Sermons for Sale

If your pastor buys his sermons, either from audio sales points or sermon books, fire him today.  Any pastor who doesn’t work out their own sermons from their own encounter at first hand with the biblical text isn’t a pastor, he’s a parrot.

photo via Michael Jones

‘Desiring God’ has Become a Fount of Heresy

Those ignorant of the Bible, and thus theology, have no ethical foundation that can be called Christian. Hence, your advice is both ignorant and malignant. Demonic.

Kevin Swanson Is Not a Christian Pastor

Kevin Swanson Blames Larry Nassar Sexual Assault Scandal On The Fact That Gymnastics ‘Involves A Fair Amount Of Immodesty’.

You read that right.

But Christians don’t blame the victims and Pastors don’t lie. So Swanson isn’t a Christian or a Pastor.

On his radio program today, extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson attributed USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar’s sexual abuse of more than 150 women and girls he treated, in part, to the fact that gymnastics encourages “a fair amount of immodesty.”

Citing a variety of supposed dangers, such as the use of open showers, Swanson warned Christian parents against allowing their children to participate in sports because “sports tend to focus on the body.”

“There is an infatuation with the body,” he said, “and, of course, the sexual aspects of the body as well. Some sports encourage immodesty, revealing large portions of the body and this happens in some sports. These are the risky sports. Here they are, what are the risky sports? Gymnastics. Gymnastics and swimming. These are the sports in which there is an added risk.”

“Why are all of the gymnasts [at] more of a risk than other sports?” Swanson asked. “Do you really want your daughters involved in a sport that involves a fair amount of immodesty in which red-blooded American male coaches are interacting with these girls? Or, worse yet, where the infatuation of the body eventually effects the lesbian coaches?”

Swanson credited the “providence of God” for bringing to light the revelations about Nassar because “God is not going to put up with 20 years of this.”

The real mystery is why God allows these people to preach.

The Demeaning of Prayer

Prayer is demeaned when it is posted on an internet social media site because 1) it is aimed not at God, but at people; and 2), because God doesn’t use twitter or facebook or even have or need a computer.

Prayer is also demeaned when it is incoherent.  ‘Heavenly Father Lord’ is addressed in the second person and then ‘God’ is discussed in the third person- as though whoever ‘Heavenly Father Lord’ is, is not God.  ‘HFL’ has made a way for us to worship God?

Prayer is also demeaned when it is rambling.  ‘We welcome you into our life praying for a better life and a new life’?  Why?  And who is doing the praying?  We, or ‘HFL’ who sort of introduces us to God and whom we welcome into our lives so they can be better and new?  Is that really the purpose of discipleship?  ‘better’ lives?  How so?

Prayer is also demeaned when Jesus is dragged in as a mere footnote.  ‘In Jesus’s name’ means, in biblical terms, in his authority.  But such a prayer as that above, in its incoherent, demeaning, rambling silliness is hardly something Jesus would pray.

‘Teach us to pray’ is the only prayer this young lady, and her like, should be praying.  ‘Go into your closet’ and pray, and keep it off the internet.  Because when it’s on the internet, it isn’t prayer at all.  It’s self aggrandizement.

This Isn’t Christian Baptism

It’s despicable pseudo-Christianity and nothing but a farcical act and if you attend a ‘church’ where something like this goes on, get out. You’re a member of a cult.

Pentebabbleists Are Insane

Since October 2017, over 2300 Texans have died due to the flu. In the face of that fact, Gloria Copeland, wife of word of faith preacher Kenneth Copeland, took to Facebook yesterday to declare that there is no flu season.

Although she doesn’t explicitly discourage getting a flu shot, it certainly sounds like she wants her hearers to trust Jesus instead of a shot. In the video, she says:

We’ve already had out shot. He bore out sicknesses and carried our diseases. That’s what we stand on. And by His stripes, we are healed.

After she prays for healing for every person with the flu, she says:

Jesus Himself gave us the flu shot. He redeemed us from the curse of flu. And we receive it and we take it and we are healed by His stripes.

At the end of the talk, she says to “inoculate yourself with the Word of God.”

She also used the video to sell an upcoming “healing seminar.”

Etc.  And yeah, those pentebabbleists are absolutely unhinged.

Highpoint Church Dishonors God

A Memphis megachurch gave a standing ovation to a pastor after he admitted to sexually assaulting a teenage girl just days before he conducted a workshop promoting abstinence.

Andy Savage apologized Sunday to his congregation Highpoint Church, after news reports revealed the woman’s allegations against the pastor — who has admitted they’re true.

The woman said she was 17 years old and a high school senior when she met Savage, who was then in college and working as a staffer at a Texas Baptist church now known as StoneBridge.

She told the Wartbridge Watch website that Savage drove her 20 years ago to a remote area, where he forced her to give him oral sex, fondled her and then jumped out of the vehicle, fell to his knees and begged forgiveness.

The woman said the incident caused lasting psychological harm, and she has recently filed a police report about the incident.

A standing ovation for a man who used his authority to coerce a teenage girl into sexual activity… and they think they are doing the right thing?  Preposterous.  This ‘church’ dishonors God and worships at the altar of the cult of personality.  It’s absolutely disgraceful.  They have made a molester into a hero.