Zwinglius Redivivus

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Archive for the ‘pseudo-theology’ Category

‘Pastrix…’ That’s a New One

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I guess when your theology stinks you have to find some way to refashion the faith to match your wishes…

I guess ‘Pastor’ is too penis-centric for Nadia.

Oh, and the Christian faith isn’t about God pulling us out of the graves we dig for ourselves.  It’s about redemption from sin and deliverance from its eternal consequences.  But don’t expect the pastrix to talk about sin.  That concept doesn’t exist in her universalist universe.

Written by Jim

22 Oct 2018 at 6:25 am

Pat Robertson is Not a Christian: Exhibit 4048

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In another example demonstrating that Pat Robertson believes in persecuting non-Christians and indoctrinating children, the televangelist openly suggested that parents should beat their kids until they respect Christian beliefs.

During yet another shameful episode of the 700 Club, which runs on Disney-owned channel ABC Family, Robertson received an email from a woman who claimed that her grandson disrespects their Christian faith when they visit their daughter on Christmas and chose not to visit this past year.

“We declined going to our daughter’s house on Christmas this year because there is always an argument, hard feelings etc.,” viewer Karen wrote.

“One grandchild comes high on marijuana, cursing and challenging our faith. I correct him and have told my daughter to ask him to respect our beliefs, but he keeps it up. Our daughter says she is a Christian but will drink too much and offend her daughter and her husband. Were we wrong to not to attend another Christmas that leaves us upset or someone angry? I have shared my beliefs many times with them and am ridiculed by this grandson and son-in-law.”

Robertson’s immediate solution? Beat the child until he respects Christianity.

“Somebody take that kid to the woodshed and let him understand the blessings of discipline,” Robertson advised before predicting that the kid would end up in prison if a strong male figure didn’t start beating him right away.

“He needs a strong male figure. He’s going to wind up in a correctional institution, and the next thing you know, he’s going to be doing hard time in some prison. And then he would wish he wasn’t such a smart, you know, wise guy. Because he’ll be disciplined in a way that he’ll never forget in some prison… He needs discipline in the worst possible way.”

Robertson is not a Christian.  Nothing he says is Scriptural.  He is a deceiver, a liar, and a false teacher.  Those who support him support evil and his tv station is a tool of evil.

This is yet more evidence that Robertson is no Christian and pentebabbleists aren’t either.

Written by Jim

21 Oct 2018 at 6:03 pm

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: Hurricane Michael Was Caused By Democrats in Retaliation for Kavanaugh

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You can’t make this nonsense up.

One of my greatest sources of unintentional comedy is Mark Taylor, otherwise known as the “Firefighter Prophet.” Among his bizarre prophecies and conspiracy theories is a recurring theme: that Democrats (and former President Obama) are using weather control technology to obstruct President Trump’s agenda.

Earlier this month, Taylor claimed Hurricane Florence was created by liberals to cover up mass voter fraud in North Carolina. In June, he said liberals were planning to create hurricanes to suppress the midterm election turn out. Now, he’s saying that Hurricane Michael, which is currently bearing down on Florida, was artificially created by “scared” anti-Trump forces in “retaliation” for Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation to the Supreme Court.

“Does anyone else think it’s strange that Justice K is sworn in and we have a major hurricane inbound?” Taylor tweeted this Tuesday. “DS scared? They should be. Retaliation? Absolutely. We will not be intimidated! Warriors arise, time to go to work! You know what to do.”

Pentebabbleists shouldn’t be allowed within 500 miles of the Bible and 10,000 miles of theology.  They can’t understand Scripture and they don’t know what theology is.

Said No Reformed Theologian, Or Scripture, Ever

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Some days it just doesn’t pay to look at twitter.

giphy

Written by Jim

15 Oct 2018 at 7:12 pm

Nope

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Written by Jim

23 Sep 2018 at 3:36 pm

What Damnable Heresy

This is not how baptism works.

‘Streamline’ ‘church’ has streamlined baptism to a base farce and is no church.

Written by Jim

18 Sep 2018 at 8:25 am

This Is How The Prosperity Gospel Heretics Do It

‘winners chapel international’?  Good lord, why not just name it ‘prosperity gospel heretics international’.  At least that would be the truth.

And why does Texas have so many of these nutbag pentebabbleist prosperity lunatics?  Is it the heat?

Written by Jim

17 Sep 2018 at 1:29 pm

Australian Pentebabbleists are Unhinged Too…

Pentecostal leaders have warned their congregation that “darkness” will spread across Australia and Christians will be persecuted if Scott Morrison does not win the next election.

Others have been told that Morrison’s rise to power was a “miracle of God” that answered three days of prayer and fasting. They have been told that Morrison has made a public stand for Christian freedoms, and has promised to keep doing so, so God intervened to ensure he beat the home affairs minister, Peter Dutton, in the Liberal leadership spill.

Videos posted to YouTube show how Pentecostal and evangelical religious communities are reacting to the rise of Morrison as prime minister.

Last Sunday, pastor Adam F Thompson from Voice of Fire Ministries and Adrian Beale from Everrest Ministries told a congregation of Hope City Church that Morrison’s elevation to power was divinely inspired.

Thompson, who says he can interpret dreams and that supernatural signs and manifestations accompany his ministry, said he’d received a message from God that Morrison and the Coalition must win the election.

“The Lord woke me up at 4.30am this morning,” Thompson told the Hope City Church congregation on Sunday, in a video he asked to be recorded.

“Scott Morrison, he’s a born-again Christian, he’s probably one of the first ever born-again prime ministers, but it’s not time to celebrate at the moment.

“This is a crucial time right now … In the next six months it’s time for the body of Christ [the Christian church] to put its differences aside … and come together and agree that Jesus is the Messiah and start praying together and calling it in and praying for our prime minister right now, and for our government.

Lunatics.  Unmoored, unhinged, unscriptural, unchristian lunatics.  The only thing worse than a Pentebabbleist is…. well, no, there is nothing.  The get it all wrong.  Every doctrine.  All of them.

Written by Jim

13 Sep 2018 at 4:44 pm

John MacArthur’s ‘Social Justice’ Statement is Theologically and Biblically Deficient

MacArthur’s statement fails to take the Gospel in its fullness seriously.  It fails to understand the implications of the Gospel.  And it’s greatest theological failing is that it fails to show a willingness to make any use at all of Matthew 25:31ff.

In short, MacArthur and his co-signatories lack theological acumen and exegetical knowledge.  Accordingly, no theological statement from them or signed by them can be taken seriously as either a Christian statement of faith or a theological declaration that should be adopted by anyone.

It is heresy.

Written by Jim

8 Sep 2018 at 8:39 am

I Don’t Know Who this Bill Johnson Character is…

But theologically, he’s a moron.  So I’m sure he’s very popular with the massa perditionis and emergents.  But I repeat myself.

Calvin would toss him on the fire with Servetus.

Written by Jim

3 Sep 2018 at 7:47 am

Calling it A Church Doesn’t Make it a Church- And This Isn’t a Church

No sermons at this church: Congregants wander silent and barefoot through nature at Church of the Wild

Nope. Not a Church. Sorry not sorry. It bears none of the marks of the Church and simply falls short theologically of what εκκλησια means.

The sound of drumming filtered through the trees and called the people from their cars.

Toting folding chairs and slathered in bug spray, they came from the parking lot — some young, some old; some in pairs, some alone; many in Tevas, a few barefoot. Without speaking, they set their chairs in a circle in a leafy clearing in McLean’s Turkey Run Park. They grabbed drums laid out on a patterned blanket, gripped the instruments between their knees and joined in the pounding.

“Your hands know what to do,” intoned professional drum circle facilitator Katy Gaughan. “Just drum! There is no right way and no wrong way.”

On a hot and muggy Sunday, Church of the Wild was about to begin.

The church, which meets once a month in parks across the District, Maryland and Virginia, draws about 50 congregants. Services, presided over by the Rev. Sarah Anders, typically run an hour and a half. Worshipers drum, sing and listen to recitations of poetry in an effort to connect with nature and fulfill the church’s stated goal: honoring “the mutual indwelling of the Divine with the Earth and all of its beings.”

Not a church.  Not close to a church.  Nothing like a church.  Calling it a church makes the one who does so a liar, and not it a Church.

Written by Jim

13 Aug 2018 at 2:45 pm

This Clown, Again

Wrong. Christ isn’t Deborah and Barak isn’t the Church.  Christ is Christ, Barak is Barak, the Church is the Church, and Deborah is Deborah.  They aren’t lego blocks you can interchange at will, heretic.

giphy-downsized (1)

Written by Jim

8 Aug 2018 at 4:56 pm

Someone Else Who Needs a Bible

Nope.  Firstly, the truth doesn’t need permission to manifest itself, it does naturally and profoundly when Scripture is explained and Christ is proclaimed.  And secondly, the church isn’t a place where chaos reigns but where order and decency prevail.  Chaos belongs to the order of darkness, not light.

If anyone thinks himself to be a prophet or spiritual, let him acknowledge that the things which I write to you are the commandments of the Lord. But if anyone is ignorant, let him be ignorant. …  Let all things be done decently and in order. (1 Cor. 14:37-40)

In sum, Scripture sets the agenda for worship, not fiat and fad theology.

Written by Jim

6 Aug 2018 at 6:54 pm

Posted in pseudo-theology

Another Book I Won’t Be Reading

When an author has his name bigger than ‘God’ on the cover of his book, you know exactly what he is all about.

Written by Jim

4 Aug 2018 at 12:45 pm

The Local Cult is Hosting ‘Movie Month’ This August

In their advert for the series the cultists write

In the quest for crowds the local cult has decided that the Gospel itself isn’t good enough for its groupies and so they have to add gimmicks to their services so that the herd will want to show up.

Unfortunately this ‘Gospel +’ something mentality is the root of all heresy.  When Jesus isn’t enough, something has to be added and anything that added is heresy.  If Jesus isn’t enough, then you aren’t a Christian nor is yours a Christian Church, you are a cultist and your church is a cult.

Written by Jim

1 Aug 2018 at 10:38 am

Signs of the Times

RHE has a new book out.  So I’ve fixed the cover so it’s more accurate.  You’re welcome.

Written by Jim

30 Jul 2018 at 1:39 pm

This isn’t Baptism And That Isn’t a Church

Everything about this is wrong.  Everything.

These people are deluded.

Written by Jim

29 Jul 2018 at 5:41 pm

#ICYMI – The Bee Stings the Ridiculous Interpretations of Revelation

In a groundbreaking discovery sure to change the future of eschatological studies, scholars revealed Monday that the autograph of the book of Revelation originally included a detailed end times and rapture chart to help readers make sense of the apocalyptic literature.

Archaeologists working on the island of Patmos recently uncovered the original autograph of the book and found the intricate chart detailing the church age, pre-tribulation rapture of the church, seven-year period of turmoil, and subsequent millennial reign of Christ. The chart also featured detailed descriptions of each of the twenty-one dispensations of history, scholars confirmed.

“This is an exciting discovery,” lead archaeologist Dr. Wendell Holmes told reporters. “End-times charts have become a popular past-time of the church over the past century, and now we know there is solid biblical warrant for their existence.”

Holmes further stated that the find confirmed that the futurist, premillennial framework for interpreting the book of Revelation is the correct one, much to the delight of modern end times prophecy experts like John Hagee, David Jeremiah, and Hal Lindsey.

At publishing time, scholars had also confirmed the discovery of the Apostle John’s rudimentary, parchment-based prophecy blog, on which he posted constant prophecy updates predicting the Lord Jesus would return by 1988.

It’s funny because there are people who really think like that.

Written by Jim

28 Jul 2018 at 7:31 am

This Is What Happens When People try to Out Ann Voskamp Ann Voskamp…

They say ridiculous, nonsensical, baseless things about Jesus.

False

The Cross is at the heart of the Christian faith and thus at the heart of the Christian life.  Death to self, obedience to the Lordship of Christ.  These are the very essence of the Gospel from which flow all righteous acts.  What Martin is advising is nothing more than a philosophy of humanitarianism, which is NOT the Gospel.  It is in fact a false gospel.  A substitute gospel of human merit.  Nothing more.  Yet it ‘sounds’ right, but it is not right.  It is Christianity devoid of the Cross and that is no Christianity worth knowing.

Written by Jim

16 Jul 2018 at 9:17 pm