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Category Archives: pseudo-theology

The Bee Stings Purpose Driven Drivel and Thomas Nelson

In its latest push to capitalize on popular Christian book trends, religious publisher Thomas Nelson hurriedly announced upcoming book The Purpose Driven Jesus Calling Adult Coloring Book Featuring Tim Tebow Tuesday to much fanfare.

The book will reportedly feature forty days of purpose-driven devotionals written as if Jesus were talking directly to the reader, with inspirational images of Tim Tebow captioned with encouraging Joel Osteen quotes for believers to color during their read-through.

“This book is everything Christians want to read right now, all wrapped up into one,” a Thomas Nelson representative told reporters. “And best of all, you get to color every page yourself!”

“We fully expect this to become the number-one bestseller for a very long time to come,” the rep added.

At publishing time, the new book had generated millions of preorders, prompting the publisher to announce a follow-up book entitled The 5 Money Languages: An Amish Romance Coloring Book Featuring Chip & Joanna Gaines.

Yup- that about sums up the marketing aims of Thomas Nelson and the continuing theological stupidification of American Christians.

 

Oh Zondervan, Why Would You? Why?

But it makes no sense.  It is irrational, and, frankly, absurd.  But anything for a buck I suppose, for those Murdochian companies that care more for profit than theological sense.

why

 

More ‘Second Coming’ Prediction Madness

These people should just stop.  But they seem incapable of it, driven by some sort of demonically induced madness.

An Israeli Rabbi has claimed that the biblical prophecy of Balaam, which says that the appearance of a new star will precede the coming of the Messiah, matches an astronomical event that scientists predict will occur in 2022. Although the Jewish faith does not believe that Jesus is the Messiah, some Christians have interpreted the Rabbi’s prediction as proof that Jesus’ second coming will occur in 2022.

Rabbi Yosef Berger of King David’s Tomb on Mount Zion claimed that biblical prophecy of Balaam and “Jewish esoteric sources” show that the astronomical event predicted for 2022, the collision of two stars to form a brand new star in the night sky, will herald the arrival of the Messiah. The astronomical event fulfills an ancient prophetic sign of the coming of the Messiah, the Rabbi claimed, according to Breaking Israel News.

Rabbi Berger claimed that Balaam’s prophecy and other Jewish mystical sources say that the coming of the Messiah will be preceded by heavenly signs involving multiple stars. The ancient prophecy of the arrival of the Messiah matches recent predictions by astronomers that a dazzling display from a red nova explosion will appear in the sky in 2022, following the collision of two faint stars in the constellation of Cygnus, according to the Rabbi.

Lunacy.  When 2022 comes and goes I hope this guy has the courage to admit he is a liar.

 

Andy Stanley Is A Poor Theologian and A Really Poor Thinker

Or, a really poor thinker, which is what makes him a poor theologian.  Wait, he isn’t a theologian at all.  He’s the Pastor of a megachurch, where being a theologian is the last thing anyone wants.

Stanely’s recent remarks about the Virginal Conception (it’s not a Virgin Birth… that’s a biologically nonsensical phrase) of Jesus show that he doesn’t understand Scripture or Christian theology.  But that’s to be expected, because the reason he says and does what he says and does isn’t to communicate truth, it’s to draw a crowd.

Stanley is, if I might put it quite crudely, exactly what every other megachurch pastor is- a publicity whore.  He craves publicity and is willing to say and do whatever necessary to get it.  Even if what he has to say is quite outrageous.  But that’s the point, really.  That’s what gets attention.

If a Christian asserts classic Christian belief, that’s not news.  But if a pretend Christian says that he or she doesn’t believe in God or doesn’t think the Bible is true or theologically meaningful or, around Christmas, that Jesus is just like everyone else, then that gets the news juices flowing.

Attention whores love attention.  Andy Stanley is an attention whore, not a theologian.  His remarks should be taken in that light.

 

The Bee Stings the Worshipers of Filthy Lucre at Lakewood Church

osteenA rich, young ruler looking for salvation was proud to announce Thursday that he finally found a place to call home at Lakewood Church.

Calling the revelation “powerful” and “moving,” the wealthy, powerful lover of money said he knew Lakewood Church was the place for him after his lifestyle was affirmed and praised by lead pastor and famous author Joel Osteen.

“This place just makes me feel so comfortable,” the man told reporters. “I came in and told Pastor Joel I was a good person and had kept all the commandments from my youth, and asked him what I still lacked—and do you know what he said? He told me I didn’t lack anything, that I was great just the way I am.”

The young man further stated that other churches had tried to confront his love of money and challenged him to make Jesus his first priority, and that he had just gone away sad.

“That’s not what Jesus would have done,” he said confidently.

Spot on.

 
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Meanwhile, Among American ‘Evangelicals’…

ugh

 
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Posted by on 14/12/2016 in disdain, Heresy and Heretics, misery, Modern Culture, pseudo-christianity, pseudo-theology

 

Another Church That Has Lost the Plot, And Cancelled Services on Christmas

Appalling.  Reading through the excuses offered for their church cancelling services on Christmas Sunday is like reading the dreadful excuses of some teen who didn’t do the assignment and who wants to convince the teacher that she’s sharp anyway.

Churches are in a quandary this year, as Christmas falls on a Sunday. Because of the high amount of travel and family nature of this special day, churches are asking themselves: do we still have Sunday services on Christmas Day? The few blog posts I’ve read so far unequivocally say ‘yes,’ and either subliminally or outrightly dare anyone else to cross this imaginary line of heresy. I guess it makes some feel better to puff their chests and look down at the lesser than’s that caved to society and compromised the gospel by canceling services.

Well, here’s the counter argument. Here’s the other perspective. Here’s why our church is canceling services this Christmas day. It’s not because our theology is liberal (we’re more conservative than most). It’s not because our church is dying (we’ve baptized close to 50 people this year and we’re baptizing two more next Sunday). And it’s not just because it’s the rebellious thing to do. We are different, but we’re different on purpose. Here’s why we’re canceling services on Christmas day:

There is no ‘quandary’ and it isn’t a matter of feeling superior.  The fact is, your pathetic reasons for abandoning worship all indicate that God doesn’t matter to you as much as you would wish us to believe.  Each excuse is worse than the one before it and none of them display even a semblance of familiarity with Christian theology.

Churches deserve Pastors who are theologians, not cultural panderers or idol worshipers. If your church is saddled with one of the sort who actually ignores Scripture (‘Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together’) and replaces it with ‘we want to be as pro family as possible’, fire them and get a theologian.

 
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Posted by on 13/12/2016 in pseudo-christianity, pseudo-theology