Only In America…

Would anyone think of writing such rubbish and would anyone think of buying such rubbish.

How to Profit From the Coming Rapture: Getting Ahead When You’re Left Behind.

Are the end times near? Is the Rapture really just around the corner? Could Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson possibly be right? About 1 billion people among us believe, yes, absolutely.

And that means one thing: investment opportunities!

For those who are not as expertly versed in the Book of Revelation, Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane, helpfully offer both illumination and advice: What exactly is the Rapture, anyway? How is it different from the Tribulation? Who are the Antichrist, the Four Horsemen, and the 144,000 male virgins, and what do they want? And, most important, how can I make money during the 7 years of societal breakdown before Armaggedon?

Taking the familiar form of a how-to investment guide, How to Profit From the Coming Rapture instructs those readers who will certainly be left behind (Jews, Catholics, Muslims, Buddhists, Hindus, less ardent Protestants, and many more) on how to exploit the inevitable demise of the world in order to make a tidy profit. Sure, the rivers and seas will run with blood, locusts will swarm, mountains will move all over the place, and famine will strike. But for the five billion of us left behind, the post-Rapture world will be a time of even more unique investment opportunities.

Lunatics.

According to This Republican Woman, Slaves Loved their Masters… And She’s Exhibit 99,000 Why Most People Shouldn’t Be Allowed Within a Mile of the Bible

Honestly, you can’t make up this kind of ignorance.

The president of the Woman’s Republican Club of New Orleans this week defended a lawmaker from her party who believes that schools should teach the “good” of slavery.

I think people who think slavery is good should be slaves.

In a post to Facebook on Sunday, Martha Huckabay — a former delegate for Donald Trump — lashed out at a CNN segment which criticized Louisiana state Rep. Ray Garofalo (R-LA), who said that children should learn “about everything dealing with slavery, the good, the bad, the ugly.”

Huckabay took issue with GOP state Rep. Stephanie Hilferty after she criticized Garofalo.

“You are right Stephanie Hilferty ‘none of us were around when slavery occurred,'” Huckabay wrote. “Slavery goes all they way back to biblical times, and if you’ve read your Bible, you would know that many of the slaves loved their masters, and their masters loved them, and took very good care of them, and their families.”

You can always tell the fake bible scholars: they generalize.

She continued: “The question he should have pushed back her way was was their [sic] marriages in slavery? Were families and precious babies born (and I am talking about LIFE itself) into or out of slavery? Were slave owners ever known to be ‘GOOD’ to their slaves? Were slaves ever known to LOVE their masters?”

Stop.  Just stop.  These people are utterly ignorant and thoroughly immoral.

No, They Haven’t Found the Nail Used in Jesus’ Crucifixion

And no, they won’t.  Ever.  Know why?  Because there’s NO WAY to demonstrate the claim.  No. Way.  But there’s one thing that you can be sure of, and that is that garbage archaeological claims will always me made around Christmas and Easter because that’s when gullible people are most prone to accept garbage science and history.

Christian relics, including a nail that is claimed to have been used in Jesus Christ’s crucifixion, have been discovered in a secret chamber at a monastery.

Archaeologists who are currently working in the Milevsko monastery in the Czech Republic has unearthed a six-inch-long nail that was placed inside a box which has 21-karat gold cross on the front and is said to date back to between 260 and 416 AD.

The box has an inscription which translates to ‘Jesus is King’.

Experts say they are unable to confirm if the nail was used for the crucifixion, but have said its discovery is ‘even greater than the reliquary of St. Maurus’.

Those not in the know about Christian relic discoveries, the Maurus Reliquary is a gold box that contains fragments on the bodies of Saint maurus, Saint John the Baptist and Saint Timothy – so it’s a big deal.

Speaking to Czech News Agency (ČTK), Jiří Šindelář, who took part in the discovery, said: “Because the Hussites destroyed the archive, there was no information that such a thing was here.”

But experts told ČTK it’s ‘realistic’ that a nail from Jesus’ crucifixion could have ended up at the Milev Monastery, which was ‘one of the richest institutions in Czech Republic’.

Garbage.

The Dumbest Tweet of 2020

1- ‘Dangerously Charismatic’?  That’s ignorant right there.

2- Only possibly said by someone COMPLETELY ignorant of the history of Christianity, of publishing, of theology, and of the way the Church works.

3- And yet he allows ignorant people like this to say stupid things all of the time… because of Free Will.  This guy shouldn’t say anything about such things.  He’s not qualified.  And staying one night at a Holiday Inn doesn’t make him so.

More Garbage Claims From ‘Archaeology’: The Nails Used to Crucify Jesus

NAILS controversially linked to the crucifixion of Jesus Christ have fragments of ancient bone and wood embedded in them, a bombshell new study has revealed.

The nails were allegedly found in Jerusalem, in a first-century burial cave believed to be the resting place of Caiaphas – the Jewish priest who sent Jesus to his death in the Bible.

You don’t even have to read the rest. It’s garbage.   It was garbage when Simcha made the claim in the 90’s and it’s garbage now with ‘scientific evidence’.

David Bentley Hart is What You Get When the Desire for Fame Eclipses Common Sense and Honesty

DBH’s declaration is simply dishonest.  Both in terms of his assessment of Calvin and in his assessment of Aquinas.  But that’s what happens when the desire to be famous eclipses one’s sense of honesty and common sense.  And it’s yet more evidence that it is only heterodoxy and heresy that make people famous, not Christianity.

How Long Before This Shows Up In HTR as the Latest ‘Earth Shattering’ Discovery?

Ariel Sabar tweets

The miracles of eBay: a “Coptic Papyrus Gospel collection of 5” for sale today for just $327, so long as you’re okay with their being “museum grade prints” (i.e. fakes) using “archival media” and “pigment inks with lightfastness ratings of over 200 years.”

I expect you’ll see it in HTR within a year.

The Worst Translation of John 3:16 I Have Yet Seen

There’s a translation out there called ‘The Pure Word’.  I’m not going to link to it because I don’t want to.  Here’s its take on John 3:16-

King James Version:
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”

The Pure Word:
“Because, God has Loved in such a manner the satan’s world, so that He Gave His Son, the Only Begotten Risen Christ, in order that whoever is Continuously by his choice Committing for the Result and Purpose of Him, should not perish, but definitely should, by his choice, be Continuously Having Eternal Life.”

I’ve seen lots of rubbish translations in my life and this tops the ranks. It is utter garbage.  If the rest of the work is as bad as this, this will go down as the worst translation, the most inaccurate, the most incompetent, the most misleading, and the most untrue version of the New Testament since ever.

It is written by a person who knows less, apparently, about Greek than a 2 year old Canadian.  He also appears to be one of those ‘dispensationalist’ heretics.  And, finally, he lives in Nevada.

What pure nonsense.  If someone gives you one, burn it.

Veritas: A First Impression

Reading this book I can’t escape the impression that King was targeted for this fraud because she has always been interested in counter-orthodoxy. The con man knew she would swallow the bait because he knew she was always looking for a reason to denounce orthodox Christianity.

What an utterly gripping tale herein is told.

Academics everywhere should read this tale as it exposes the predilections of some to accept sketchy, unprovenanced materials only because they fit their agenda.

Eisegesis 101

I heard an ELCA pastor last night say that the story of the Centurion and his request that Jesus heal his servant was a story about the Centurion (Luke 7:1-10) and his ‘boyfriend’.

He claimed that παις in Greek means ‘boyfriend’ in English.  This is eisegesis 101.  This is simply a word describing a youngster.

Furthermore, when the Centurion returns home he finds his δουλος well and whole.  Every occurrence of the English word ‘servant’ is δουλος in this story with the single exception of the Centurion’s description of his παις.  This is simply a term of endearment.  The Centurion cares about his young servant.  The Centurion does not, however, call the servant his ‘boyfriend’.

When one deals with passages of Scripture reading one’s own biases and preferences into the text unwarranted is eisegesis.  And eisegesis is not exegesis.

If interpreters of texts cannot be fair and honest with texts, they shouldn’t make use of them.

Trevor Is Why Pretending to Be A Theologian and Being a Theologian Are Not the Same Thing

And what qualifies dear Trevor to hold such an idiotic view?  Why he’s a college student with a passion, of course.  Who is in the process of earning a bachelor’s degree.  In business admin.  Not theology. Business admin.  And he’s a social media manager.  And, again, he’s passionate.

Trevor Sheatz is the Social Media Manager for Living Waters. He is a junior at Cal State Fullerton pursuing a bachelor’s degree in Business Administration. He is currently in the process of writing Defined by God’s Past, Not Yours, a book about how the gospel practically transforms every major area of our daily lives. Trevor is passionate about using social media to advance the gospel and solid biblical truths.

So how is Trevor qualified as a theologian?  Well he isn’t, of course.  But this is America, where you don’t have to know anything to talk about everything.

Anyway, Trev, here’s your Dilly-

What Better Click Bait than ‘The Mark of the Beast and COVID-19’?

And then when you get there the article informs you that there’s no connection between the two- but now that you’ve been sucked in by the deceptive title, why not hang out and read about the author’s view of the ‘beast’ anyway…

It won’t be long now till some pretend theologian trying to sell books to the gullible and ignorant has one titled ‘Christ and Covid-19’ or some such garbage…  wherein the two totally unrelated topics are united only on the cover of the book…  It would be the ultimate ‘click bait’ wouldn’t it.  Fortunately, no one is that smarmy….

Because the world isn’t already crappy enough.