Category Archives: pseudo-christianity

Many Recent Books About Jesus In One Sentence

hmd2011_open_blank_book

Wrong- For Many Reasons

If you get your theology from tee-shirts… well you’re a heretic.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: Paula White Expels Demons From the White House…

Which raises the obvious question- why is Trump still there?

President Trump’s spiritual advisor Paula White seems to have one primary function: to expel demons from the White House. Now there’s another video showing her doing exactly that, thanks to the folks over at Right Wing Watch.

During a sermon at Morris Cerullo’s church in California last month, White declared the White House to be covered by “the superior blood of Jesus.”

“It doesn’t take any spirit of discernment or knowledge or wisdom to see that we have runaway generations,” White said in the flagged by RWW. “Opioid epidemic, suicide epidemic, sexual identity epidemic, where do you want me to start? It’s all over the place. The problem is not the world: We can blame it on the liberal educational system that infiltrated the Ivy Leagues … Right now, we’re fighting bills in California—in third grade, in fifth grade—they put certain things on certain vegetables and teach them how to insert them in certain parts of the anatomy.”

It’s these practices, among other things that she incoherently rattled off, that compels White to anoint the “perimeters” of the White House with the Holy Spirit.

“You better believe I’m up there singing the name of Jesus,” she said. “You better believe I’m walking around those parameters saying, ‘I lift this up and I dedicate every ounce of this place as holy ground and I dedicate it by the superior blood of Jesus.’ And every door that God opens for me, I invoke the name of Jesus.”  White then remotely performed an exorcism on the White House.

Etc.  These clowns bring nothing but disrepute on Christianity.  They are themselves tools of evil.  Pentebabbleists… what an unhinged passel of loons.

Reason 8,903 to Avoid ‘Storefront’ Pentebabbleist ‘Churches’ – This One Lured Homeless People in and Forced them To Panhandle for Cash

Inside a beige bungalow in California’s Imperial Valley with a well-trimmed lawn and beds of pink flowers, the 17-year-old girl felt imprisoned. The doors were locked from the inside. The windows were nailed shut.

Like the other homeless and vulnerable people who came to Imperial Valley Ministries seeking shelter, food and rehab, the teenager was not allowed to leave without supervision, was not allowed to contact her family, to “discuss things of the world” or read any book but the Bible, according to federal prosecutors. Those who lived in the church’s group homes had to turn over their money and welfare benefits, their identification and all of their personal belongings, so that even if they wanted to leave, they couldn’t, prosecutors said.

Then, once they settled in, they were allegedly forced to panhandle up to nine hours a day for six days a week in parking lots and on street corners — turning over every penny they earned to the church.

Read the whole. Shame on the cult. And shame on those who think it’s not a cult.

Here’s Your Dilly, Joe

Joe is what happens when ignorant dilettantism meets biblical proclamation.  So, in recognition of your utter unsuitedness to any sort of pastoral task, here’s your Dilly, Joe!

Jerry Falwell Denies the Facts- But That Backfires, Because There’s Photographic Evidence

Jerry Falwell Jr. vehemently denied that he appeared in photos taken at a Miami Beach nightclub — even after shown the evidence — but that strategy appears to have backfired.

The evangelical Liberty University and its president were the subject of a bombshell report published Monday by Politico, where insiders described Falwell’s salacious language and apparent self-dealing.

The report by university alumnus Brandon Ambrosio also examined photographs taken of Falwell and his son Trey Falwell at the Miami Beach nightclub Wall, which university sources said he tried to make disappear.

The photos taken July 19, 2014, during a performance by popular Swedish DJ John Dahlbäck were shared online by World Red Eye, an outlet that documents Miami’s nightlife scene.

Falwell denied the photos existed in a statement to Ambrosio before the Politico report was published, saying no photos had been taken of him at Wall or any other nightclub, and insisted the reporter was mistaken even after learning the photos had been obtained for the article.

“If you show me the picture, I can probably help you out,” Falwell wrote in a statement. “I think you are making some incorrect assumptions, or have been told false things or are seeing something that was photo-shopped.”

Falwell again insisted the photos had been doctored after he was shown images of him and his son in the crowd at Wall, and denied that he had ever tried to get the photos taken offline.

That denial — and Falwell’s suggestion that World Red Eye had manipulated the images — prompted the photography website’s founder to respond.

“For 21 years, I have maintained an impeccable reputation for documenting Miami Beach’s storied social scene,” wrote Seth Browarnik, founder World Red Eye.

Read the rest.  Falwell is a Trump supporter because Trump and Falwell have many things in common.  Let that sink in, ‘Evangelicals’.

Read this tweet as well and enjoy the photos.

Blasphemy

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

These people are mentally ill.

During an appearance on The MC Files this Monday, “Firefighter Prophet” Mark Taylor and host Chris McDonald posited a new theory regarding Hurricane Dorian, which is currently threatening the U.S. with 110 mph maximum sustained winds.

According to McDonald, it’s no coincidence that the hurricane is making news headlines immediately after the Justice Department announced that it would not charge former FBI Director James Comey for allegedly leaking his Trump memos to the press.

“When you get these stories and all of a sudden—boom—you’ve got an almost Category 6 storm,” McDonald said in a video clip flagged by Right Wing Watch. “It does not take a genius to figure out it’s called a distraction and it’s called a false flag.”

Taylor agreed.

“These guys are going to be indicted, they are going to go to jail, they are going to go to prison so it’s coming, guys, we just have to be patient,” Taylor said. “But it’s not by coincidence that the hordes of chaos have been released because they know their time is short.”

“This is one of the most dangerous times right now for us, because this is war,” he continued. “That hurricane right there, that is a declaration of war against the people. What do the shootings and these hurricanes and all of these things that are being generated, what does it have to do [with anything]? It has to do with one thing in particular: the same thing Hitler did in London, England, during The Blitz. They are literally trying to kill the will of man.”

Wrong. Have You Never Heard of, For Instance, Theodore of Mopsuestia? Or Jerome?

This is what happens when you have a blind hermeneutical commitment and are unwilling to recognize your own error.

Wrong, Pentebabbleist

What it Looks Like When False Teachers Talk About Theology

Instead of being accurate, they prefer to be crass and imbecilic.  If you’re unsure of why the ELCA is dying, look no further.  Bolz-Weber and her ilk are killing it off as fast as they can.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: The ‘Prophetess’ Who Controls the Weather

Ket Kerr has a poor track record when it comes to getting natural disasters to heed her commands, but that’s not stopping her from calling upon God to “pull down Satan’s power,” i.e., Hurricane Dorian — which is threatening President Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida.

Kerr claims to have a direct line to God. She describes her website The Revelation Zone as a source for “continual revelation on Heaven, the spirit realm” and “how to operate” in the spirit realm. On her Facebook page, which has just over 40,000 followers, she describes herself as a “revelator,” which just another word for “prophet.”

In a Facebook video posted to her page this Wednesday, Kerr declared to her “weather warrior” followers that she and they are now “taking authority over the weather,” which something “we all know Jesus can do.”

“And in case you’re wondering why we even have violent types of weather? Satan,” she said. “He has the ability to jump into these storms or earthquakes because we don’t take our true power over him. But that’s changing.”

According to Kerr, Dorian turning from a tropical storm to a hurricane means nothing because “I have authority over it. I will not tolerate it.”

“I command the hosts of heaven to go in there, right now, and pull down all of Satan’s power which is using this storm, Dorian, to bring destruction.”

Oh pentebabbleists… you are amusing, I give you that.  You’re frauds, liars, fake Christians, and theological ignoramuses, but you are amusing.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: ‘Educated Women Make Terrible Wives and Mothers’

Pentebabbleists gonna babble I reckon.

GOP Rep. Sean Duffy announced he’s resigning from Congress because his wife, Fox News commentator Rachel Campos-Duffy is pregnant with their ninth child — a child who will likely have to undergo heart surgery soon after birth. According to hyper misogynist and far-right Christian radio host Jesse Lee Peterson, that’s a bad move.  “Why does she have to work?” Peterson asked in a video clip flagged by Right Wing Watch. “Why doesn’t she stay home, be a wife, a mother, and help raise the children? And now this guy has to step down because this baby apparently has some issues … He shouldn’t quit his job for that. I guarantee you she is making him do it.”

Peterson went on to slam Campos-Duffy as “a selfish, egotistical woman,” adding that her husband is “too beta male to make her do the right thing.”  “This woman is a selfish woman,” Peterson continued. “She has nine kids and she’s trying to be like a man … Women, God has given you the gift of being the assistant of the man, to watch over his children, to make sure things are well at home, to be there when the kids come home, to cook, clean, provide in that way. There is no greater job for a woman than that. And I don’t know why these men would marry these women if they don’t have that mindset. It’s like being married to another man. It’s selfishness, it’s not love.”

Peterson then advised Rep. Duffy that he needs to be out “providing” while his wife stays at home.  “I wouldn’t recommend you marry these educated women with these degrees; they don’t make for good wives and mothers.”

Apparently enough people listen to this ignoramus that he can maintain his absurd radio show.  The problem is never really the ignorant mouthpiece.  The problem is their imbecilic enablers and supporters.

Nope

If you want to ‘instagram-worthy’ the Bible to make it appealing to a subgroup, you’re not doing theology, you’re doing marketing.  And the Bible doesn’t need you to market it.  You don’t transform it.  It transforms you.  Even if you’re a millennial.

So, nope.

If Someone Compares You to God, Your Duty is to Denounce It, Not Praise It

This morning Trump tweeted

“Thank you to Wayne Allyn Root for the very nice words.

“President Trump is the greatest President for Jews and for Israel in the history of the world, not just America, he is the best President for Israel in the history of the world…and the Jewish people in Israel love him….

….like he’s the King of Israel. They love him like he is the second coming of God…But American Jews don’t know him or like him. They don’t even know what they’re doing or saying anymore. It makes no sense! But that’s OK, if he keeps doing what he’s doing, he’s good for…..

…..all Jews, Blacks, Gays, everyone. And importantly, he’s good for everyone in America who wants a job.” Wow!

Wow isn’t the proper response to such nonsense.  Denunciation is. If someone compares you to God, your duty is to denounce it, not praise it.  And a Christian would do precisely that.

But Trump exhibits a pattern of thought which demonstrates that he is not a Christian.  His ‘Evangelical’ supporters aren’t either.

Mark Driscoll Thinks People Care What He Thinks

But he’s wrong because 1) he’s a theological fraud and 2) he’s a grammatical ignoramus:

Paula White: Pentebabbleist, Heretic, And False Teacher… But I Repeat Myself

What garbage theology these pentebabblesit loons adopt. Wretched Montanists.

Twitter ‘Theology’ That Makes Me Sigh

Nope.  Reverence belongs to God alone.  And your husband isn’t God.  Or even a god.  And besides, there’s not a speck of Scripture where wives are commanded to reverence their husbands.  So, shame on you for misrepresenting the Bible.

Sarcasm is the Sincerest Form of Truth (TM): The People Who Tip instead of Tithe Complain the Most and Demand the Most

Explaining his disappointment with the overall experience lately, local man Brett Thomas confirmed to reporters Thursday his plans to stop tipping unless the service at Calvary Baptist Church of Dayton improves significantly.

“I remember a few years ago, the service was way better,” Thomas noted. “I could tell the greeters were excited to see me walk in the door. Sometimes there were little donuts or danishes, just sitting right out for the taking. They went out of their way to make me feel special—and I tipped accordingly.”

But, much to his dismay, Thomas has noticed some changes recently. “I don’t know if it’s new owners or what, but the experience just doesn’t have the same energy, the same vibe it used to. The worship team seems to fall flat a lot more often. The pastor’s been teaching from the Old Testament. The ushers don’t seem as sincere. The programs aren’t as nice as they used to be. The pencils aren’t as consistently sharp. It’s the little things, you know, that make all the difference.”

Brett Thomas believes if a church wants to be compensated, they need to earn it.

“Do they really expect a good tip with service like that? I might throw a five or maybe a ten in the plate, but don’t even talk to me about percentages until we start getting some decent service here,” Thomas lamented, shaking his head. “And the pastor has the gall to do a sermon on tithing last month. You want to talk about net and gross? I’ll tell you what’s gross—the coffee you serve at this church.”

A visibly frustrated Thomas added, “I hope it doesn’t come to this, but I’ll tell you—on more than one occasion the wife and I have discussed taking our business elsewhere.”

Brett, don’t let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya…

‘Have God’s Ear in Prayer???’…

That’s not how prayer works.  God hears the prayers he wants to hear, not prayers uttered because someone is using a book, any book.  Lifeway, stop selling junk theology.  Get some theologians on staff and stop thinking the latest marketing craze is good enough.  Stetzer is gone.  Stop acting like he would act.