Category Archives: Pentebabbleism

Dilettante of The Year

That’s lunacy. It’s both historically ignorant and, worse, it implies that no one but English speakers have a real Bible. Utter nonsense and, frankly, demonic.

This is this year’s dilettante.

More Pentebabbleist Lunacy: The ‘Christian’ Who Says Coronavirus Won’t Hurt Us Because Trump ‘Opposes’ Abortion

During services at his Lord of Hosts church in Omaha, Nebraska, on Sunday, right-wing pastor Hank Kunneman proclaimed that God would protect the United States from the coronavirus because of President Donald Trump and his administration.

“Listen to the words that I speak to you at this moment, says the Living God,” Kunneman prophesied. “Why do you fear, United States? For I have spoke to you before, and I speak to you again. I have extended and opened a window of mercy to this nation at this time. Therefore the virus that they speak of, the prognostication, the diagnosis—my mercy is the quarantine that shall be greater than what they have spoken to you, United States.”

“Because of the administration that stands in this land, who honors me, who honors the covenants of your forefathers and of the Constitution, and because they have aligned themselves with Israel, and because they have sided on the right side of life—life in the womb, life given outside of the womb—therefore I give life to this nation, and I give mercy,” Kunneman said, on behalf of God. “Do not fear this virus, says the Spirit of God.”

Fraud.  Fake.  Fraud.

Then Why Didn’t He Do It At Auschwitz?

Frankly I don’t think stuff like this really happens.  And if it did, then why doesn’t it always?  Why didn’t it happen at Auschwitz?

A miraculous story of life-saving intervention is breaking from Northern Nigeria. According to Barnabas Aid, a group of 500 Nigerian Christians who converted from Islam gathered. The terrorist group Boko Harem descended and captured 76 members of the group as converts from Islam were highly targeted in their attacks. The group included men, women and children.

Four of the male leaders of the Christian group were killed after refusing to deny their faith in Christ. The widows of the men were approached with the same question. Before making their decision the children came and announced Jesus had appeared to them, assuring they would be OK according to Breaking News Christian.

Not long after the group accounts Jesus appeared again to the entire group of 72 telling them not to fear as He would protect them. He urged them to remain confident in His strength and not to renounce their faith.

The widows now with fresh confidence told Boko Harem they would not renounce Christ. As they prepared to shoot the children the Boko Harem suddenly broke into screams exclaiming “snakes!” as they fleed the scene. Some of the men appeared to die instantly.

According to Barnabas Fund, all 72 of the group survived the experience. They now live in other regions of Nigeria deemed safe for Christians to live. The local Pastor credits Jesus’ appearance to the group to the fact that these people knew no other Biblical text to visit. They are all illiterate and thus no access to scripture so Jesus provided it Himself.

I’m glad they’re ok but if Jesus did it, he should do it a lot more.  And if it didn’t happen as described, then it’s fraud.  And fraud doesn’t advance the Gospel.

Paula White: Pentebabbleist Heretic

She’s at it again, spewing her pentebabbleist rubbish:

@RightWingWatch tweets

Presidential spiritual adviser Paula White says Christians “are mandated by God” to send thousands of dollars to help Jim Bakker build a new TV studio and their donations will be counted by “a Department of Treasury in Heaven” that will determine their eternal reward.

Calling all suckers.  Calling all suckers.

Please Take Note: Eisegesis and Decontextualizing Go Hand in Hand

yup

Reason 8,903 to Avoid ‘Storefront’ Pentebabbleist ‘Churches’ – This One Lured Homeless People in and Forced them To Panhandle for Cash

Inside a beige bungalow in California’s Imperial Valley with a well-trimmed lawn and beds of pink flowers, the 17-year-old girl felt imprisoned. The doors were locked from the inside. The windows were nailed shut.

Like the other homeless and vulnerable people who came to Imperial Valley Ministries seeking shelter, food and rehab, the teenager was not allowed to leave without supervision, was not allowed to contact her family, to “discuss things of the world” or read any book but the Bible, according to federal prosecutors. Those who lived in the church’s group homes had to turn over their money and welfare benefits, their identification and all of their personal belongings, so that even if they wanted to leave, they couldn’t, prosecutors said.

Then, once they settled in, they were allegedly forced to panhandle up to nine hours a day for six days a week in parking lots and on street corners — turning over every penny they earned to the church.

Read the whole. Shame on the cult. And shame on those who think it’s not a cult.

Wrong, Pentebabbleist

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: ‘Educated Women Make Terrible Wives and Mothers’

Pentebabbleists gonna babble I reckon.

GOP Rep. Sean Duffy announced he’s resigning from Congress because his wife, Fox News commentator Rachel Campos-Duffy is pregnant with their ninth child — a child who will likely have to undergo heart surgery soon after birth. According to hyper misogynist and far-right Christian radio host Jesse Lee Peterson, that’s a bad move.  “Why does she have to work?” Peterson asked in a video clip flagged by Right Wing Watch. “Why doesn’t she stay home, be a wife, a mother, and help raise the children? And now this guy has to step down because this baby apparently has some issues … He shouldn’t quit his job for that. I guarantee you she is making him do it.”

Peterson went on to slam Campos-Duffy as “a selfish, egotistical woman,” adding that her husband is “too beta male to make her do the right thing.”  “This woman is a selfish woman,” Peterson continued. “She has nine kids and she’s trying to be like a man … Women, God has given you the gift of being the assistant of the man, to watch over his children, to make sure things are well at home, to be there when the kids come home, to cook, clean, provide in that way. There is no greater job for a woman than that. And I don’t know why these men would marry these women if they don’t have that mindset. It’s like being married to another man. It’s selfishness, it’s not love.”

Peterson then advised Rep. Duffy that he needs to be out “providing” while his wife stays at home.  “I wouldn’t recommend you marry these educated women with these degrees; they don’t make for good wives and mothers.”

Apparently enough people listen to this ignoramus that he can maintain his absurd radio show.  The problem is never really the ignorant mouthpiece.  The problem is their imbecilic enablers and supporters.

Paula White: Pentebabbleist, Heretic, And False Teacher… But I Repeat Myself

What garbage theology these pentebabblesit loons adopt. Wretched Montanists.

Rick Wiles: Lunatic

Right Wing Watch reports on the extreme rhetoric and activities of key right-wing figures and organizations by showing their views in their own words. In this clip, Rick Wiles warns that plant-based meat alternatives like the Impossible Burger are part of a satanic plot to change human DNA and “create a race of soulless creatures” who cannot worship God.

Rick Wiles: Plant-Based Meat Alternatives Are a Satanic Plot to 'Create a Race of Soulless Creatures' from Right Wing Watch on Vimeo.

The Mega-Church Ponzi Scheme

The pastor of a megachurch in West Palm Beach, Fla., is refusing to hand over $1.7 million despite claims by federal prosecutors that the funds belong to people caught up in a $30 million Ponzi scheme run by a former church director.

According to the Palm Beach Post, U.S. District Judge Robin Rosenberg ordered $1 million in assets belonging to Winners Church, a suburban congregation in West Palm Beach, and to church pastors Fred Shipman and Whitney Shipman frozen.

Those assets will remain frozen until Rosenberg issues a ruling on their disposition.

The dispute is part of the fallout from an alleged Ponzi scheme run by Canadian financial commentator Harold Seigel and Florida resident Jose Aman. The duo allegedly convinced hundreds of people to invest millions in Argyle Coin, LLC, which claimed to be a cryptocurrency business related to diamonds.

According to a dozen lawsuits recently filed in Florida and elsewhere, the men were actually running an elaborate scam. The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission announced on Tuesday (May 21) it was shutting down the operation, describing it as a Ponzi scheme.

Some of their money turned up at Winners Church, which boasts a congregation of more than 2,000and had listed Aman as a “director” on state records.

According to a new lawsuit, Aman gave $1 million to the church from 2014 to 2018 and gave church founder Bishop Fred Shipman $700,000. He also allegedly gave Fred Shipman’s son, Winners Church senior pastor Whitney Shipman, around $40,000 during that same time period.

Accordingly, don’t give your money to mega-churches.   So endeth the lesson.

The Bee Stings the ‘Multi-Campus’ Church Nonsense

A couple at Riverview Church North has complained about the unresponsiveness of their multi-site church’s video screen for their need for pastoral counseling, according to sources. Derrick and Judy Markham had been having some communication issues at home, and decided to seek help from their multi-site church, affectionately known as “R-North.” Going to the screen from which they get their weekly Sunday messages, the couple began pouring out their marital issues to the inanimate object, including Judy’s spending and Derrick’s untidiness. However, after a good half-hour with no response from the video screen, the couple’s discussion stalled, and they left discouraged.

“It was like talking to a wall,” explained a visibly frustrated Mrs. Markham. “Seriously, he’s so bright and electric on Sunday mornings; I thought he’d be the same one-on-one. I guess I was wrong.”

“I couldn’t get a read on what he thought about Judy’s mother,” noted Mr. Markham. “Just a total blank canvas, know what I mean?” The Markhams considered leaving R-North, but they love the satellite sermons and brand identity enough that they are willing to stay.

“We did think about trying one of the other 13 multi-site churches in this area. We want a church with a lead pastor whose charisma can’t be contained in a single building,” admitted Mr. Markham. “We even considered going to a church that wasn’t multi-site—but as I believe the Bible says, ‘forsake not the assembly of the screens.’”

Despite the disappointment, the Markhams aren’t giving up on their multi-site church’s head figure. The couple says they’ve asked the video screen to visit Mr. Markham’s bedridden great aunt later this week.

It is such an absurdity to speak of ‘multi- campus’ churches or ‘satellite’ congregations.  And it’s all done simply to puff up the pastor’s ego and the disinterest of the ‘members’ to do anything more than watch a big screen tv.  It isn’t Christianity.  It isn’t Church.  It is nonsense.

God hasten the day when these self-aggrandizing collectives die the death they so richly deserve.

The Latest Essay From Biblical Archaeology Review

Scholars Now Believe The Last Supper Was Actually A Potluck

A coalition of scholars has announced that the Last Supper partaken of by Jesus and His disciples was actually a potluck.

While it was long thought that the supper was closer to a traditional Jewish Passover meal, evangelical scholars looking into the matter have determined that it was actually a bring-your-own-casserole event.

“It seems that Jesus and His disciples each agreed to bring a casserole, hot dish, or beverage,” Dr. Michael Svigel, Professor of Theological Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary said. “It’s clear that everyone brought really unhealthy, fatty foods to the event. The Messiah passed around a sign-up sheet prior to the supper to make sure that everyone brought something.”

The claim was bolstered by the discovery of several empty casserole dishes in the upper room, as well as a simmering Crock-Pot full of questionably cooked beef, still plugged in and simmering. Archaeologists also confirmed the discovery of a pot of watered-down coffee and a big jug of watery punch. The Apostle Peter brought a delicious tuna casserole, while James and John brought their famous “Sons of Thunder chili,” according to researchers.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Judas Iscariot snuck into the potluck without bringing anything, mumbling something about not seeing the announcement, though the event was clearly announced for weeks.

Oh wait a minute, that’s from the Babylon Bee, not BAR.  Oh well, pretty much the same thing these days anyway.

Garbage Theology

This isn’t Christianity, it’s gnosticism.

If You Are Depending on a Heretic like Joyce Meyer to Guide You Through the Bible…

You’re insane.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: Gloria Copeland Says Jesus Got Immunized, so You Don’t Have To…

Where do these loons come up with this rubbish?  And who is stupid enough to believe them?

Gloria Copeland told her viewers that they won’t catch the flu, because “Jesus himself gave us the flu shot”. Televangelist Gloria Copeland told her viewers this week not to worry about catching the flu. Why? Because Jesus provided his followers with a metaphorical flu shot that will protect them during this particularly dangerous flu season.

Via Milton Almeida.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

South Africa funeral firm to sue pastor for ‘resurrection stunt’

A group of funeral directors in South Africa say they will sue a self-styled prophet who claims to have resurrected a dead man.  A viral video of Pastor Alph Lukau shows him shouting “rise up” to a man laying down in a coffin who then jerks upright to cheers from worshippers.  The funeral companies say they were manipulated into being involved.  The spectacle, seen outside Pastor Lukau’s church in Johannesburg, has been ridiculed and condemned by many.

“There are no such things as miracles,” the Commission for the Promotion and Protection of Cultural, Religious and Linguistic Communities (CRL Rights Commission) told South Africa’s national broadcaster. “They are made up to try to get money from the hopelessness of our people.”

Three funeral companies who say they were manipulated by the “scheme” are now taking legal action for damage to their reputation.  Kingdom Blue, Kings & Queens Funeral Services and Black Phoenix told local media that church representatives tricked them in different ways. “Alleged family members of the deceased” told the Kings & Queens Funeral Services they had had a “dispute with a different funeral service provider”.  The customers also allegedly placed “Black Phoenix stickers on their private car” to look credible to Kings & Queens Funeral Services when they went to hire a hearse from them.

Loons.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

The mother of a man killed in a ‘botched exorcism’ has denied she was trying to resurrect her son – and was instead just praying.

Kennedy Ife, 26, suffered a cardiac arrest after his family bound him with handcuffs, cable ties and rope at their home in Enfield, north London, in August 2016, it is claimed.  Rather than call 999 when he became unwell, father Kenneth, 64, mother Josephine, 56, and brothers Roy, 33, Harry, 32, Colin, 26, along with 20-year-old twins Daniel and Samuel allegedly tried to ‘cure’ him through prayer and restraint.  The court has heard Kennedy was ‘well and healthy’ before August 2016.

But in the days leading up to his death he had displayed increasingly alarming and aggressive behaviour, jurors were told. Giving evidence Mrs Ife described barricading her bedroom door when her son ‘charged’ at her, after allegedly threatening to chop off his own penis and harm another female relative. She said her husband and sons then bound Kennedy after he bit his father during a scuffle out in the hallway. But she added that any restraint was only for short intermittent periods while he posed a threat to himself or others.

The mother was described as ‘deeply religious’ by her own barrister, Caroline Carberry QC. Ms Carberry asked her: “Did you believe your son was possessed, as the prosecution allege, by an evil spirit? “Did you believe that that spirit could only be exorcised by the use of restraint?” Mrs Ife replied: “No, I didn’t believe in that.” The Old Bailey has heard that when police and paramedics were eventually called on 22 August officers watched as the relatives chanted, apparently attempting to ‘resurrect’ Kennedy.

This isn’t Christianity, it’s paganism.

Very Bad Theology

Because based upon imagination and the frenzies of spiritualistic enthusiasts rather than Scripture.

If you do this, don’t do this.  If you insist, then I insist you provide Scriptural warrant.   Which means Scripture correctly exegeted contextually.

This is Your Brain on Pentebabbleism….