Category Archives: Pentebabbleism

Paula White: Pentebabbleist, Heretic, And False Teacher… But I Repeat Myself

What garbage theology these pentebabblesit loons adopt. Wretched Montanists.

Rick Wiles: Lunatic

Right Wing Watch reports on the extreme rhetoric and activities of key right-wing figures and organizations by showing their views in their own words. In this clip, Rick Wiles warns that plant-based meat alternatives like the Impossible Burger are part of a satanic plot to change human DNA and “create a race of soulless creatures” who cannot worship God.

Rick Wiles: Plant-Based Meat Alternatives Are a Satanic Plot to 'Create a Race of Soulless Creatures' from Right Wing Watch on Vimeo.

Public School Teachers Are Modeling a Satanic System… According to a Tennessee Republican

A legislative appointee of Republican Tennessee House speaker Glen Casada says public education is a “satanic system” and calls President Donald Trump and Pope Francis “anti-Christs.”

WTVF-TV reports research analyst Scott Alan Buss said in a 2015 blog post that Christians who teach in public schools are “modeling a satanic approach to the pursuit of knowledge.” Buss also said in an online video an education system built on that approach “cannot be repaired. … It has to be torn down.”

A 2016 post by Buss calls the president and the pope “wicked fools” and “anti-Christs.”

House Democratic leader Mike Stewart says Buss’ hiring “is extraordinarily disappointing, but unfortunately not surprising.”

Apparently you have to be unhinged to be a Republican these days.

The Mega-Church Ponzi Scheme

The pastor of a megachurch in West Palm Beach, Fla., is refusing to hand over $1.7 million despite claims by federal prosecutors that the funds belong to people caught up in a $30 million Ponzi scheme run by a former church director.

According to the Palm Beach Post, U.S. District Judge Robin Rosenberg ordered $1 million in assets belonging to Winners Church, a suburban congregation in West Palm Beach, and to church pastors Fred Shipman and Whitney Shipman frozen.

Those assets will remain frozen until Rosenberg issues a ruling on their disposition.

The dispute is part of the fallout from an alleged Ponzi scheme run by Canadian financial commentator Harold Seigel and Florida resident Jose Aman. The duo allegedly convinced hundreds of people to invest millions in Argyle Coin, LLC, which claimed to be a cryptocurrency business related to diamonds.

According to a dozen lawsuits recently filed in Florida and elsewhere, the men were actually running an elaborate scam. The U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission announced on Tuesday (May 21) it was shutting down the operation, describing it as a Ponzi scheme.

Some of their money turned up at Winners Church, which boasts a congregation of more than 2,000and had listed Aman as a “director” on state records.

According to a new lawsuit, Aman gave $1 million to the church from 2014 to 2018 and gave church founder Bishop Fred Shipman $700,000. He also allegedly gave Fred Shipman’s son, Winners Church senior pastor Whitney Shipman, around $40,000 during that same time period.

Accordingly, don’t give your money to mega-churches.   So endeth the lesson.

The Bee Stings the ‘Multi-Campus’ Church Nonsense

A couple at Riverview Church North has complained about the unresponsiveness of their multi-site church’s video screen for their need for pastoral counseling, according to sources. Derrick and Judy Markham had been having some communication issues at home, and decided to seek help from their multi-site church, affectionately known as “R-North.” Going to the screen from which they get their weekly Sunday messages, the couple began pouring out their marital issues to the inanimate object, including Judy’s spending and Derrick’s untidiness. However, after a good half-hour with no response from the video screen, the couple’s discussion stalled, and they left discouraged.

“It was like talking to a wall,” explained a visibly frustrated Mrs. Markham. “Seriously, he’s so bright and electric on Sunday mornings; I thought he’d be the same one-on-one. I guess I was wrong.”

“I couldn’t get a read on what he thought about Judy’s mother,” noted Mr. Markham. “Just a total blank canvas, know what I mean?” The Markhams considered leaving R-North, but they love the satellite sermons and brand identity enough that they are willing to stay.

“We did think about trying one of the other 13 multi-site churches in this area. We want a church with a lead pastor whose charisma can’t be contained in a single building,” admitted Mr. Markham. “We even considered going to a church that wasn’t multi-site—but as I believe the Bible says, ‘forsake not the assembly of the screens.’”

Despite the disappointment, the Markhams aren’t giving up on their multi-site church’s head figure. The couple says they’ve asked the video screen to visit Mr. Markham’s bedridden great aunt later this week.

It is such an absurdity to speak of ‘multi- campus’ churches or ‘satellite’ congregations.  And it’s all done simply to puff up the pastor’s ego and the disinterest of the ‘members’ to do anything more than watch a big screen tv.  It isn’t Christianity.  It isn’t Church.  It is nonsense.

God hasten the day when these self-aggrandizing collectives die the death they so richly deserve.

Jim Bakker: Pentebabbleist Blasphemer

“The Jim Bakker Show” recently promoted a coin decorated with President Trump‘s face as a “point of contact” with God.

In a viral clip of the promotion, evangelical author Lance Wallnau described the $45 coin as a means for believers to establish a “point of contact” with God.

“When I asked the Lord ‘Why the coin?’ he said ‘Because when you take the coin, it’s a point of contact,’” Wallnau said in the clip, which was shared on Twitter by Right Wing Watch, which “monitors and exposes the activities of Radical Right political organizations.”

“So your faith is being released with a million other believers to pray protection and peace and wisdom and counsel over the president of the United States and over his family,” he added.

What vile blasphemy and idiotic pseudo-christianity.  Pentebabbleists… they really are profoundly theologically ignorant.

The Latest Essay From Biblical Archaeology Review

Scholars Now Believe The Last Supper Was Actually A Potluck

A coalition of scholars has announced that the Last Supper partaken of by Jesus and His disciples was actually a potluck.

While it was long thought that the supper was closer to a traditional Jewish Passover meal, evangelical scholars looking into the matter have determined that it was actually a bring-your-own-casserole event.

“It seems that Jesus and His disciples each agreed to bring a casserole, hot dish, or beverage,” Dr. Michael Svigel, Professor of Theological Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary said. “It’s clear that everyone brought really unhealthy, fatty foods to the event. The Messiah passed around a sign-up sheet prior to the supper to make sure that everyone brought something.”

The claim was bolstered by the discovery of several empty casserole dishes in the upper room, as well as a simmering Crock-Pot full of questionably cooked beef, still plugged in and simmering. Archaeologists also confirmed the discovery of a pot of watered-down coffee and a big jug of watery punch. The Apostle Peter brought a delicious tuna casserole, while James and John brought their famous “Sons of Thunder chili,” according to researchers.

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Judas Iscariot snuck into the potluck without bringing anything, mumbling something about not seeing the announcement, though the event was clearly announced for weeks.

Oh wait a minute, that’s from the Babylon Bee, not BAR.  Oh well, pretty much the same thing these days anyway.

Garbage Theology

This isn’t Christianity, it’s gnosticism.

If You Are Depending on a Heretic like Joyce Meyer to Guide You Through the Bible…

You’re insane.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery: Gloria Copeland Says Jesus Got Immunized, so You Don’t Have To…

Where do these loons come up with this rubbish?  And who is stupid enough to believe them?

Gloria Copeland told her viewers that they won’t catch the flu, because “Jesus himself gave us the flu shot”. Televangelist Gloria Copeland told her viewers this week not to worry about catching the flu. Why? Because Jesus provided his followers with a metaphorical flu shot that will protect them during this particularly dangerous flu season.

Via Milton Almeida.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

South Africa funeral firm to sue pastor for ‘resurrection stunt’

A group of funeral directors in South Africa say they will sue a self-styled prophet who claims to have resurrected a dead man.  A viral video of Pastor Alph Lukau shows him shouting “rise up” to a man laying down in a coffin who then jerks upright to cheers from worshippers.  The funeral companies say they were manipulated into being involved.  The spectacle, seen outside Pastor Lukau’s church in Johannesburg, has been ridiculed and condemned by many.

“There are no such things as miracles,” the Commission for the Promotion and Protection of Cultural, Religious and Linguistic Communities (CRL Rights Commission) told South Africa’s national broadcaster. “They are made up to try to get money from the hopelessness of our people.”

Three funeral companies who say they were manipulated by the “scheme” are now taking legal action for damage to their reputation.  Kingdom Blue, Kings & Queens Funeral Services and Black Phoenix told local media that church representatives tricked them in different ways. “Alleged family members of the deceased” told the Kings & Queens Funeral Services they had had a “dispute with a different funeral service provider”.  The customers also allegedly placed “Black Phoenix stickers on their private car” to look credible to Kings & Queens Funeral Services when they went to hire a hearse from them.

Loons.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

The mother of a man killed in a ‘botched exorcism’ has denied she was trying to resurrect her son – and was instead just praying.

Kennedy Ife, 26, suffered a cardiac arrest after his family bound him with handcuffs, cable ties and rope at their home in Enfield, north London, in August 2016, it is claimed.  Rather than call 999 when he became unwell, father Kenneth, 64, mother Josephine, 56, and brothers Roy, 33, Harry, 32, Colin, 26, along with 20-year-old twins Daniel and Samuel allegedly tried to ‘cure’ him through prayer and restraint.  The court has heard Kennedy was ‘well and healthy’ before August 2016.

But in the days leading up to his death he had displayed increasingly alarming and aggressive behaviour, jurors were told. Giving evidence Mrs Ife described barricading her bedroom door when her son ‘charged’ at her, after allegedly threatening to chop off his own penis and harm another female relative. She said her husband and sons then bound Kennedy after he bit his father during a scuffle out in the hallway. But she added that any restraint was only for short intermittent periods while he posed a threat to himself or others.

The mother was described as ‘deeply religious’ by her own barrister, Caroline Carberry QC. Ms Carberry asked her: “Did you believe your son was possessed, as the prosecution allege, by an evil spirit? “Did you believe that that spirit could only be exorcised by the use of restraint?” Mrs Ife replied: “No, I didn’t believe in that.” The Old Bailey has heard that when police and paramedics were eventually called on 22 August officers watched as the relatives chanted, apparently attempting to ‘resurrect’ Kennedy.

This isn’t Christianity, it’s paganism.

Very Bad Theology

Because based upon imagination and the frenzies of spiritualistic enthusiasts rather than Scripture.

If you do this, don’t do this.  If you insist, then I insist you provide Scriptural warrant.   Which means Scripture correctly exegeted contextually.

This is Your Brain on Pentebabbleism….

‘Hope Dealer’ = Crap Peddler

She’s a Lutheran, right?  That or a Pentebabbleist.  Ugh.  What rubbish theology is afoot these days.  ‘Conquering Hell’?  Yeah good luck with that, sparky.

More Pentebabbleist Nutbaggery

Anne Graham Lotz Thinks Her Cancer is a Sign That Israel is In Danger….

No, really.  And no, you can’t make up this kind of pentebabbleist nutbaggery.

Anne Graham Lotz has suggested there might be a deep significance attached to her battle against breast cancer, as it could be a warning sign that Israel is in danger of suffering a fatal attack. Lotz reasoned on her website Wednesday that she has long thought of herself and the modern state of Israel as “entwined,” given that both are 70 years old, with the latter having been established in 1948. The evangelist and author said she’s questioning whether “there is more to my cancer at the age of 70 than just a random coincidence.”  “In the Bible, God often had His spokespersons live out the message He gave them …before they delivered the message to the people,” she said.

Got news for ya, Anne, you aren’t Hosea or Ezekiel or Isaiah or any sort of prophet except perhaps a false one.

More Pentebabbleist Brain Dead Lunacy

Today, SkyWatch TV posted a program in which End Times author and SkyWatch TV CEO Tom Horn suggested that Hillary Clinton is the “Whore of Babylon” who was conceived during a ritual carried out in 1946 by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard.

Horn claimed that stolen emails posted by Wikileaks revealed that Clinton had filled her 2016 presidential campaign with “occultists” who believe her to be the biblical Whore of Babylon who will usher in the Antichrist.

Citing a ritual that took place in 1946 called “The Babylon Working” in which Hubbard and others allegedly attempted to conceive a goddess through “ritual sex magic,” Horn claimed that Clinton may have been the result of that effort “to bring through, into our reality, the archetype divine feminine, the Whore of Babylon.”

“She’ll grow up, she’ll become an influential worldwide-known feminist who will help give rise to the Antichrist,” Horn said. “They believed that that was Hillary Clinton.”

You Pentebabbleists are lunatics.  Brain dead lunatics.  You have zero exegetical skill and zero theological knowledge.  You are the dilettantes of the dilettantes.

Pentebabbleists Are Unhinged Nutbags

Erm….  You guys are an idiot sandwich.

They Aren’t ‘Bible Scholars’ so Please Don’t Refer to Them As Such

They are dilettantes of the most dilettantish sort.  That’s what they should be called.  So I will.  And here’s their award, and yours, Mr Butters, for calling them scholars in the first place.

‘Congrats’.  I haven’t given out a Dilly in a while- but you certainly deserve it Mr Butters and company.