Church Marketing’s Goal: Just Get Them in the Doors…

Forget all that tiresome and outdated biblical stuff like ‘go into all the world and make disciples’.  That’s too hard and people just aren’t interested in that.  Instead of going deep, go as shallow as you can and get those butts in seats, because that’s what it’s all about…

Thom can teach you the latest marketing manipulations to get you a gusher of guests… (what a word to choose)…  Although the Bible never tells us to make ‘guests’, but disciples.

DON’T do It Netflix

Oh great- more garbage from the self appointed uninformed biblical and theological dilettantes who have already rotted the airways with more than their fair share of nonsense. DON’T do it @netflix.

Netflix Has Ordered a Show About a Modern-Day Jesus From Mark Burnett and Roma Downey.

I sure wish God would dispense judgement to destroy false teachers and heretics like he used to in the olden times.  Ananias and Saphira, for instance…

I Am Extremely Unimpressed

This volume… which seems so promising… is an absolute disappointment.  And that’s before even opening it and merely reading the table of contents.

How on earth can you have a volume on the Reformation which includes primary sources and completely ignores Zwingli? That’s like having a volume on math and leaving out a discussion of addition.  It is literally incomprehensible, inexcusable, and unforgivable.

JK Rowling Is NOT The ‘Lone Voice’ Opposing Jeffress

This kind of thing annoys me beyond words:

Rubbish!   Lone voice? What’s wrong with you people. There are a LOT of people speaking out. Actual theologians and not just kid book authors. Why don’t you pay attention to someone besides celebrities? The failure is YOURS, not the foes of untruth.  If you weren’t blindly fixated on the rich and famous maybe you would learn something.

Aww, The Precious Snowflakes Need their Binkies…

For the vast majority of Americans, November 9 only differed from the week preceding it in the lack of political ads permeating their media. For many, it was a welcome end to months upon months of hateful rhetoric and horrible slanders.

On many college campuses, however, it wasn’t the end of the campaign, but the beginning of Armaggedon or something.

At Yale University, supposedly one of the most elite institutions of higher learning in the country, an anonymous professor has decided to let students skip their midterms:

“I am getting many heartfelt notes from students who are in shock over the election returns,” the professor wrote in an email to his students, according to Yale Daily News Managing Editor Jon Victor tweeted.“The ones I find most upsetting are those who fear, rightly or wrongly, for their own families. These students are requesting that the exam be postponed. On the other hand, I am sure that many students have sacrificed to prepare for the test …Therefore, I am making the exam optional.”

The professor told the class he would “calculate each student’s grade both with and without” the exam.

Remember when asking a professor to postpone an exam for anything short of a natural disaster was grounds to be laughed at? Ah, good times. Good times.

However, that professor’s decision was far from being the silliest example:

At Tufts University, arts and crafts were on offer. And the University of Kansas reminded students via social media of the therapy dogs available for comfort every other Wednesday.Colleges nationwide scrambled to help students process Republican Donald Trump’s stunning election victory. They’re acknowledging that many students were up late watching results and so may not be at their sharpest in early-morning lectures. More so, they’re responding to a widespread sense of shock and despair on campuses to the victory of a candidate who offended Mexicans, Gold Star mothers, Muslims and the disabled during the course of the campaign.

[…]

“People are frustrated, people are just really sad and shocked,” said Trey Boynton, the director of multi-ethnic student affairs at the University of Michigan. “A lot of people are feeling like there has been a loss. We talked about grief today and about the loss of hope that this election would solidify the progress that was being made.”

There was a steady flow of students entering Ms. Boynton’s office Wednesday. They spent the day sprawled around the center, playing with Play-Doh and coloring in coloring books, as they sought comfort and distraction.

Grow up, you infantile pseudo-adults.

Chris Tilling Has Dumped Me For Doug Campbell…

Shocking news came yesterday through a ‘Dear John’ letter from Christ Tilling- my former SBL roomie – that he was dumping me to instead get a room provided by Doug *The Apple CEO Lookalike* Campbell.  We’ve roomed together a long time. In fact, we’ve roomed together at SBL when we’ve both been there from back in the days when Tilling was a Grad student.

But now he’s dumped me.  And I’m heartbroken.  So if I’m super moody the next couple of months it’s because of it.  And if you see me at SBL in San Antonio don’t be surprised if I snap your head off if you speak to me.  I’ll be fuming.  Bloody abandonment.  #RoomingAlone.  #TillingIsAMeanie.  #ITakeShowers.  #HeClogsDrains.

Here’s their engagement picture…  the swine….

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Campell swearing eternal love to Tilling in return for an endorsement…

The Funniest (In the Sense of Most Absurd) Advert Email I’ve Yet Received

I won’t mention the publisher, because generally they do pretty good work.  But this… this commendation… is just so absurd.

This month also brought the release of the long-awaited next book by Peter Leithart, Delivered from the Elements of the World. According to James K. A. Smith, “When you read Peter Leithart, you suddenly realize how timid most Christian theologians are, tepidly offering us a few ‘insights’ to edify our comfort with the status quo. Leithart is like a lightning strike from a more ancient, more courageous Christian past, his flaming pen fueled by biblical acuity and scholarly rigor.”

BAhahahahahahahahahahhahahahhaha. Not.

A Nashville Teen Shot His Family Today…

Because he was annoyed that he had to get up for school…

An argument over getting out of bed for school Tuesday morning led a teenage boy to open fire on four family members, including his grandmother and two young children, in an East Nashville home, Metro police said.  Nashville police spokeswoman Kris Mumford said that shortly before 7:17 a.m. a relative was attempting to wake up the 16-year-old boy inside his home at Berkshire Place Apartments on Porter Road when an argument broke out.

“There was a quarrel about getting up and getting ready for the day when (at some point) the 16-year-old ran to a closet, got a 9 mm handgun and started firing,” Mumford said.  Bullets struck the teen’s 67-year-old grandmother twice, and his 12-year-old sister and 6-year-old nephew were both grazed by gunfire. The teen’s nephew is his older sister’s son, Mumford said.  The teen also tried to shoot his 42-year-old mother in the living room of the home, but Mumford said the woman ducked behind a couch and avoided being hit.

Granny should have had a gun so she could have blown his head off and defended the clan, right NRA?  Every home needs 15 or 20 guns, right Congress?  In fact, let’s just get everyone a gun and toss them in the street any time they get annoyed so they can blow each other’s brains out.  #America.

Angry Atheist and Fundamentalist ‘Exegesis’: They’re Exactly the Same

Angry atheists and fundamentalists utilize exactly the same ‘exegetical’ method: decontexualization.  Angry atheists enjoy ripping texts from their contexts and saying ‘see, God is terrible and you shouldn’t believe’.  Similarly, fundamentalists too enjoy ripping texts from contexts and saying ‘see, this has to be taken literally’.

Both, oddly, use the same approach to Scripture and both refuse to acknowledge their own biases and prejudices.

This Is Why American Politicians are Universally Despised: Mo Brooks

An Alabama congressman with virulently anti-immigrant beliefs has a new theory on who may be causing the current measles outbreak: “illegal aliens.” Appearing on the Matt Murphy radio show Tuesday morning, Rep. Mo Brooks (R-AL) was asked by the host whether he saw any correlation between immigration and the measles outbreak that has erupted in the United States.

Brooks began by offering a red herring that “illegal aliens” are bringing new diseases into the country, before going on to suggest that they could be behind measles as well. Said Brooks: “It might be the enterovirus that has a heavy presence in Central and South America that has caused deaths of American children over the past 6 to 9 months. It might be this measles outbreak. There are any number of things.” Lest one thinks Brooks is heartless on the subject of immigration, he implores listeners that “You have to have sympathy for the plight of the illegal aliens” who “have not been blessed with the kind of health care, the kind of immunizations that we demand of our children in the United States.” Still, he argues, the requirement that children be vaccinated before entering school “to some degree is suspended for illegal alien children.”

During the interview, Brooks also floated the idea of impeaching President Obama for his handling of immigration.

Why do we elect people so stupid?

Suh Will Play Sunday: Proof That the #NFL Is Utterly Corrupt

The Detroit Lions will have Ndamukong Suh on the field for Sunday’s Wild Card matchup against theDallas Cowboys.

Suh won his appeal Tuesday of the one-game suspension handed down for stepping on Packersquarterback Aaron Rodgers in Sunday’s loss to the Packers. Appeals officer Ted Cottrell reduced the ban to a $70,000 fine.

According to NFL Media’s Judy Battista, Suh was considered a first-time offender by the repeat offender policy, modified in 2014. Since the Detroit defender went 32 straight games without a player-safety violation, which includes the postseason and preseason, he earned a clean slate.

What idiocy.  First time offender… what a JOKE.  The NFL is a joke.  Their policies are a joke.  Their sponsors are a joke.  Those who buy tickets to games or support sponsors are the root of the problem.

Listening to Oprah’s MD is as Foolish as Listening to Oprah’s Pseudo-Theologian

Dr. Oz is to medicine what Rob Bell is to theology: rottenness and misinformation and deception.  Maybe people should smarten up and realize that taking Oprah’s advice or the advice of those she promotes is just a very stupid idea.

… [a] British Medical Journal …  on Wednesday published a study analyzing Oz’s claims along with those made on another medical talk show. What they found wasn’t reassuring. The researchers, led by Christina Korownyk of the University of Alberta, charged medical research either didn’t substantiate — or flat out contradicted — more than half of Oz’s recommendations. “Recommendations made on medical talk shows often lack adequate information on specific benefits or the magnitude of the effects of these benefits,” the article said. “… The public should be skeptical about recommendations made on medical talk shows.”

The public should be skeptical about recommendations made on religious tv programming and bible documentaries too.  It’s a shame SBL hasn’t said that.