Category Archives: Humor
Because everyone should be included in everything. Making people feel left out- well it’s just not our way anymore.
In celebration of Father’s Day, the nation’s pastors reportedly spent the whole sermon praising fathers, single mothers, people who take care of pets and feel like a father, and also people who take care of a Tamagotchi electronic pet.
“If you’re a father out there, or you feel like a father, or you temporarily want to identify as a father for the sake of being celebrated today, or you’ve ever been within 100 yards of a father, or you have a cat which is kinda like being a father, or you have a Tamagotchi electronic pet you’ve been taking care of since the ’90s, please stand so we can recognize you,” one pastor at a megachurch in Seattle said. “Thank you so much for your service.”
Pastors said they just didn’t want anyone to feel left out.
“What if we have a Father’s Day and celebrate fathers and we make people feel left out because they’re not, you know, a father?” a Des Moines Baptist megachurch told reporters. “We don’t want to exclude anyone by pretending fathers are special just for one day, so we just celebrate everyone.”
“And when everyone’s special, that’s just a great thing,” he added.
Because I feel like you’re testing me. I’m sorely tested…
UPDATE: Carol, a lovely person, says it’s a typo…. On Carol, there’s no such thing… GET BEHIND ME Satan!
In case you haven’t seen this yet…
About whether or not you should get me a Christmas gift- just remember this:
“You have the poor with you always, and you can be kind to them whenever you wish, but you will not always have me.” (Mk. 14:7)
Protestants from across the globe flocked to Wittenberg, Germany Tuesday to venerate a statue of Martin Luther in honor of the 500th anniversary of the Protestant Reformation.
Many in the Lutheran and Lutheran-leaning community including pastor of Torrential Downpour Church Morgan Kremin attended ceremonies that started with a morning veneration of the statue of Martin Luther located near All Saints’ Church in Wittenberg and concluded with a collection to help fund the building of several new mega-churches.
“Could the money have gone to the poor–yes,” Kremin admitted to EOTT. “But it’s important that we build these churches so that everyone, be they rich or poor, can come to worship the Lord, even though praying to Jesus is no different in a large church than it is in a home, or even though we know that, for the most part, the homeless don’t actually ever come to our church, and that asking our people, many of whom are struggling to make ends meet, to spend their hard-earned income on exorbitant churches is one of the issues we had with the Catholic Church during the Reformation. But the fact remains that building large things and paying for ridiculous salaries cost money. There’s no way around it.”
Kremin went on to clarify, saying that it wasn’t at all like the selling of indulgences since the selling of indulgences meant that people were essentially paying for their salvation, while what Kremin was saying was that being a true Christian and therefore being saved is contingent on Christian’s paying for such expenditures.
RELS 666: The Majestic Zwingli. 3 credits. Prof. J. West.
A close look at the erudition, sanctity, wit and wisdom of Ulrich Zwingli (1484-1531), the last of the Reformers in alphabetical terms. Readings from the Commentary on True (Mine) and False (their) Religion, Scripture is Clear and Distinct as far as I’m Concerned, The True Meaning of “Is,” and other works. Requirements: translations from Latin and whatever that other language is, 2-hour exams each week, and response papers on the professor’s interminable sermons. Prerequisites: familiarity with Jerome and despair over salvation.
Course designer – Ralph Keen
RELS 1497 Melanchthon for Fun and Profit. 3 credits. Instructor: Keen.
The surest sign of the collapse of civilization is the current obscurity of Philip Melanchthon (1497-1560), the most erudite and lucid theologian since the death of Augustine. In this course we will read all three editions of the Loci Communes (comparing the Latin and German versions of each) and astrological works that are useful for discerning auspicious times. Requirements: delivering an oration on the importance of reading Homer in a time of crisis and composing Greek epigrams on the problems of the day. For classics majors only; the rest of you are barbarians.
Please take note that all papers delivered at the annual meeting of SBL must include at least one of the following:
- toxic masculinity
- white privilege
- patriarchy (not Patriarchs- they no longer exist – being myths created by the patriarchy)
- feminist perspective
If your paper does not include at least a few of these, please expect to be denounced as ‘patriarchal’ and profoundly guilty of exercising your ‘white privilege’ (which you, sad dolt that you are, don’t even know you’re a beneficiary of).*
* Calm down. It’s just jesting mockery intended to point out the true fact that every year at SBL papers always adopt a buzzword…