The Bible Doesn’t Call it a Whale

This is what happens when people who don’t read the Bible talk about or write about the Bible-

Earliest mosaic of Jonah and the whale found in Galilee synagogue

Nope.

Unprecedented depictions of the biblical Jonah and the whale have been found at a fifth-century Roman synagogue in Israel’s lower Galilee. In the recently discovered mosaic, Jonah’s legs are shown dangling from the mouth of a large fish, which is being swallowed by a larger fish, which is being consumed by a third, even larger fish.

Here, let me give you a hand with the biblical text:

‎וימן יהוה דג גדול לבלע את־יונה ויהי יונה במעי הדג שׁלשׁה ימים ושׁלשׁה לילות׃

The relevant phrase is

דג גדול

‘Great fish’. That’s it. Not ‘whale’.

Might it have been a whale? Who knows. But calling it a whale is a misrepresentation of the biblical text. And that’s just not going to happen as long as I have breath.  Accordingly, here’s your well deserved Dilly-

Michelle Bachmann: Winner of This Week’s Dilly Award

Politicians should never pretend to be theologians.  Because they aren’t.  And Bachmann is a prime example.

While speaking last week on the Last Days radio program “Understanding the Times with Jan Markell,” former GOP Rep. Michele Bachmann linked political advocacy on the left with the rise of the Antichrist.

Bachmann said that Donald Trump’s opponents, much like the people who built the Tower of Babel, are rebelling against God to bring about “the creation of a manmade, one-world system. And scripture tells us that in the End Times, that is what Antichrist will be, he will be a part of a one-world system.”

“There are people who reject Judeo-Christian truth and instead want to insert and usurp control of all of our lives with a global, economic and political government,” she said.

Here’s your Dilly.  You certainly deserve it.

The Winner of this Week’s Dilly is…. #CPAC2017 !!!!

For displaying the sort of ignorance about the Bible and theology that befuddles anyone with a brain and yet nevertheless pretending to interpret it for the present day.  Who is more deserving of a Dilly?  That’s right- no one at all.

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Ignorance afoot!  So, #CPAC2017 – here’s your Dilly, because you don’t know what you’re talking about.  (PS- check Revelation, the gates are ALWAYS OPEN).

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A Lawyer Worthy of A Dilly, and a Journalist Too

This one will strike you as doubly dilettantish.  Because… a lawyer is claiming a polygamous Mormon is missing and may have been a victim of the ‘rapture’… and a journalist labels belief in the ‘rapture’ a ‘Christian belief’ without any qualification of any sort-

The FBI thinks that Lyle Jeffs, the polygamist religious leader accused in a multimillion-dollar food stamp scheme, disappeared from house arrest this summer by coating his ankle monitor in olive oil and sliding it off.  That explanation may fly with nonbelievers, but in court documents filed last week, Jeffs’ attorney has put forth a divine reason for his disappearance — the miracle of rapture:

As this Court is well aware, Mr. Jeffs is currently not available to inform his counsel whether or not he agrees to the Continuance. Whether his absence is based on absconding, as oft alleged by the Government in their filings, or whether he was taken and secreted against his will, or whether he experienced the miracle of rapture is unknown to counsel.

Rapture, for the uninitiated, is the Christian belief that during the second coming of Christ, the holy will be whisked away to heaven.

Yeah, no it’s not.  The notion of a ‘rapture’ is a 19th century fantasy invented by dispensationalists who twisted the Biblical text more than a woman getting her hair permed has it twisted.  So not only does the lawyer get a dilly, so does the journalist.  Congrats to the both of you.

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Bryan Fischer: This Week’s Dilly Winner

Here’s why: he doesn’t know anything about the Bible’s view of women.

Fischer claimed that God specifically reserves leadership roles for men only, even in the home and used the Bible as proof.

The essayist goes on to list places where the Bible describes, in the most positive terms, women in leadership positions.

So, Mr Fischer, given your ineptitude- here’s your dilly.  Congrats!

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Amateurs: We Are Riddled With them in Biblical Studies- So It’s Nice to See Them Branching Out Into Other Fields..

dilly-the-dilettanteSo folk can see the outcome of their efforts.  If biblical dilettantism is ok, why then, well, so is this.

A man who cut off an acquaintance’s testicle in a motel room, having replied to an advert asking for assistance with a “medical issues,” has pleaded guilty to a number of charges in a local court at Port Macquarie, New South Wales.

The alleged victim had posted a message online seeking help as he could not afford to pay for treatment through proper channels. According to the Sydney Daily Telegraph, the 52-year-old man had been kicked in the groin by a horse some years earlier, after which he had experienced persistent problems with his left testicle.

He met with Allan George Matthews, 57,  at a motel in Port Macquarie on May 16, at which time Mr Matthews removed the offending organ.

A week later the man visited hospital seeking treatment after the wound became infected. His visit triggered a police investigation, and on June 23 Mr Matthews’ home was raided by officers who medical equipment, several bottles suspected to contain amyl nitrate, and seven firearms.

Doing to ‘surgery’ what dilettantes have been doing to the Bible for centuries.

You Aren’t a Biblical Scholar Just Because You Call Yourself One

In fact, you’re a dilettante if you call yourself one and you aren’t.

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He’s not a member of SBL or ETS.  He doesn’t belong to SOTS or BNTS or any academic society.  He hasn’t published anything that looks even remotely sensible or scholarly.  He has no publications in Journals or essay collections.  And finally, his answers to questions on his website are the bleetings of a buffoon.

Here’s your Dilly, Martin.  You really, really deserve it.

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The Most Deserving Dilly Award Winners Ever

One East Texas man believes he found fossils from Noah’s flood and a self-proclaimed fossil expert says he’s right.  “From Noah’s flood to my front yard, how much better can it get,” Wayne Propst said.

Propst is stunned. He was helping his aunt lay some dirt outside her home in Tyler when he found this.  “What’s really interesting to me is we’re talking about the largest catastrophe known to man, the flood that engulfed the entire world,” Propst said.

He called up self-proclaimed fossil expert Joe Taylor who confirmed that what Propst found is in fact from the time of Noah’s ark and he says finding those fossils in Tyler is rare.  “I’ve never heard of anything about that from over there, I’m surprised he found it there,” Taylor said.

For days, Wayne and his aunt Sharon have been combing through this dirt with the help of some neighborhood kids.  “I just take my toothbrush and work on it until we get it,” Wayne’s aunt Sharon Givan said.  And send pictures off to Taylor. “To think that like he says that we have something in our yard that dated back to when God destroyed the earth. I mean, how much better could anything be,” Givan said.

For a man who loved dinosaurs as a kid, Propst says this couldn’t be any cooler. “Now all I got to do is go in front of my aunt’s house and pick up something from back when it all began. I don’t even have to search anymore,” Propst said. For the record, we have not independently verified if the rocks are in fact historic.

Oh Texas… you do provide a lot of Dilly winners, don’t you…  With thanks to Ken Leonard for nominating the duo of dilettantes.   So, Mr Taylor and Mr Propst, here’s your highly deserved Award!

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Another Unhinged Republican- From New Hampshire: This Week’s Dilly Winner

dilly-the-dilettanteA New Hampshire state representative came to the defense of fellow Republican Donald Trump last week, declaring that Pope Francis is the Anti-Christ.  Republican state Rep. Susan DeLemus, who once claimed Donald Trump is the only politician she believes in, responded to her own Facebook post were she claimed that “The Pope is the anti-Christ. [sic] Do your research,” she wrote, adding that she’s “not sure who the Pope truly has in his heart.”

And then

“I was actually referencing the papacy. And what I wrote after that ‘do your research,’ if you read the Geneva Bible, which is the Bible I use when we study, the commentary is – actually by the founders of the United States actually, the Protestant Church – their commentary references the papacy as the anti-Christ,” DeLemus said.

She reads the Geneva Bible… and evidently doesn’t realize that its notes are, well, mostly wrong.  Or what it is.  Or who wrote the notes in the first place.  And that it was composed at a time when the entire environment was poisoned by misinformation from both camps against the other.

Oh dilettantes.  They’re not even amusing.  They’re actually dangerous.

Dilly of the Week Winner: Malcolm Gladwell

There’s nothing quite as enthralling as a biblical studies dilettante telling us what the bible means.  It’s as awesome as going to your witchdoctor in search of a cure for your brain tumor.  And it works out just as well.

And yet that’s exactly what happens when Gladwell spins his dilettantish ridiculousness about David and Goliath.  He should stick to detective stories.  He’s wretched as a biblical exegete.  Which is why he wins the Dilly this week.

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Sarah Silverman is An Imbecile, And This Week’s Winner of the Dilly

It’s been a good while since I’ve seen this sort of dilettantish ignorance on display but here it shines brightly in the stupidity and imbecilidity of one Sarah Silverman, actress:

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Her claim is made without so much as a sliver of evidence.  And yet, the buffoons in Hollywood (aka land of the biblically ignorant and uninformed) fete her and heap approval.

She, and they, are why dilettantes who pretend to be other people for a living and those who film them should never, ever talk about the bible or theology.

Since, though, they do love awards, here’s the most deserved award Silverman will ever receive:

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Kevin Swanson: Winner of this Month’s Dilly the Dilettante Award

For this:

An extreme right-wing American pastor has claimed that it would be better for parents to “hang a millstone” around their childrens’ necks and drown them “at the bottom of the sea” than let them read Harry Potter.  Kevin Swanson, speaking at the National Religious Liberties Conference in Des Moines, said the whole of America must repent for reading Harry Potter.

What unhinged nutbaggery.  There’s absolutely nothing of Christianity in this and not a shred of proper biblical exposition or theological sense or justification.  This is just some unlearned hack pretending to be a theologian blathering on.  Consequently, Kev, here’s your Dilly.  Well deserved indeed:

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Oh No Not Again…. Still Another End Time Date Setter

Why, Lord, why?  It’s another ‘End of the World‘ predictor.  This time it’s Oct 7 2105.  What it is about October that these nutters love so much?  I only know of this because they’re following me on the twitter (till they see this anyway).

Without further ado- end of the worlders- here’s your dilly-

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Liars and the Lies they Tell: The Christian Zionist Deception

The Jerusalem Post has an essay which demonstrates the lies which Christian Zionists are willing to believe, and perpetrate:

“Cooperation between the Jewish and Christian worlds is crucial to save Israel from all its threats,” Liberman said. “We are on the front lines of a clash of civilizations. Israel is the only place in the Middle East where Christians are an integral part of society.”

That’s false.  Christians are scattered about the near East and in particular there are MANY in the Palestinian territories.  It’s convenient for Lieberman to act as if they don’t exist, though, because it allows them to be ignored and he take part in their marginalization and elimination.

Kulanu MK Michael Oren, a former ambassador to the US, said that former American presidents John Adams and Abraham Lincoln thought it was their duty as good Americans and good Christians to help Jews return to the land of Israel. He recalled how a Christian Congressmen from West Texas opened a Bible and asked him how much funding Israel required for the Iron Dome missile defense system.

Adams and Lincoln did nothing to help Jews return to Palestine.  Attempting to link them to a modern political movement is the worst sort of historical misrepresentation.

“US-Israel relations go back to spiritual ties,” Oren said. “God speaks only one language and it’s the language in which we are yelling at each other in the next hall. Jesus, Mary, and John the Baptist would today be considered Jewish settlers in Bethlehem. We are on a holy mission to ensure the Jewish state remains strong and beloved.”

God speaks only one language?  Well that’s downright stupid.  Any Christian, zionist or not, who believes that is as theologically ignorant as Mr Oren.

But here’s the worst part- the lie which purports to suggest that Jesus would be a ‘settler’.  Oren is doing nothing but playing games and fleecing the Christian flock with this little tidbit of dilettantism and – if not that – evil and cynical deception.  If anything, Jesus would take the side of the oppressed and denounce the religious leaders who are using people for their own purposes.  Like Mr Oren and the others propagating his Zionist line.

So, because Mr Oren is both deceptive and a dilettante, here’s your dilly, Mr Oren

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