Professionals give up meaningless things in order to look holy with the smallest possible effort.
See the difference? Pick something off this list that you either hate or don’t use anyway, and now you can brag that you got a little more sanctified this Lenten season, but you didn’t even lift a finger! Nice!
1.) Google Plus – Want to give up social media, but hooked to your Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter accounts? Just give up Google Plus! You’re not missing a thing!
2.) Decaf coffee – Give up decaf coffee for Lent. Now you can post pictures of yourself drinking actual coffee and remind people how holy you are for giving up the decaf version!
3.) Hillsong – We know it’s going to be difficult, but try turning off Christian radio for the duration of Lent, so you can keep your vow not to hear any Hillsong tunes. Now you can listen to good music for a full 40 days!
4.) Pineapple pizza – This one’s easy—just eat pizza that actually tastes good for 40 days, and you’re holier in no time.
5.) Rewatching 1983’s Krull on DVD – This one might be hard for some of you, but why not give up rewatching classic sci-fi/fantasy film Krull on DVD this year? (LOOPHOLE ALERT: find the movie on a streaming service and you can still watch it, technically!)
6.) Winning a gold medal in the Olympics – When people ask why you didn’t win gold in the men’s snowboarding competition in this year’s Winter Olympics, you can tell them that you gave it up for Lent. Now you can veg out on your couch and play 1080 Snowboarding on your Nintendo 64 instead of getting some exercise. LENT STATUS: PRO.
7.) Reading your Bible – Give up reading your Bible for Lent, and you don’t even have to wake up 15 minutes early for daily devos anymore! Genius!
8.) Dating supermodels – This will make you more chaste and free up time for more sanctified activities. Make sure not to date any supermodels during Lent.
9.) Lent – Give up Lent for Lent, and you won’t even have to celebrate Lent! This option gives you the additional bonus of getting to reply “Lent!” whenever someone asks you what you’re giving up for Lent—a hilarious joke no one’s ever made before!
Now go get some ashes smeared on your face and give up something completely meaningless. Godspeed on your Lenten journey!
UPDATE: This year, add plastic to the list! Giving up plastic makes you both super sanctified and offers you the chance to be super sanctimonious! All the holy kids are denouncing plastic, so join in and use paper, because it comes with no ecological strings…