Daily Archives: 25 Jul 2018

Signs of the Times

In Most Cases, Let’s Be Honest, That Would Be A Vast Improvement…

Via the Bee

Following the city of Seattle’s minimum wage hike in January, Carver Street Church of God has announced that the position of youth pastor will be filled by a self-service kiosk called MATT (Multi-Platform Automated Teaching Tool).

According to designers at ChrisTech, the base model MATT comes preloaded with everything a congregation may need from a youth pastor.

MATT can perform all of the following tasks:

  • Reference the latest films, television shows, and music
  • Provide encouragement after stinging “Bible Bowl” defeats
  • Offer theologically dubious analogies
  • Teach a “new songs” class on Tuesday nights
  • Fill in for a congregation’s regular minister on fifth Sundays
  • Fire off some “lit devos” at will
  • Play a “mean game of hacky sack.”

“MATT really is the perfect youth pastor,” says Paul Hoover, chief technology officer of ChrisTech. “A lot of young people find it increasingly difficult to connect with human beings, but MATT gives them a familiar screen.”

While the Carver Street Church of God is the first religious organization to give MATT a trial run, ChrisTech anticipates that by the end of 2025, more than half of all churches will have such a system.

“It’s only been six months, and we don’t even remember what life was like before MATT,” elder George Herman told The Babylon Bee. “He does everything our former youth pastor did without complaining, without being paid, and without requiring a background check.”

In the near future, ChrisTech plans to introduce new features, such as the hotly anticipated “MobileMATT,” an on-the-go youth pastor that uses proprietary software to tie pop culture figures and events to biblical characters and scripture.

In most cases it’s probably an improvement…

I Do That Every Time I Go To SBL…

All of the Psalms, On Youtube

This is right cool

Listen to all 150 psalms in various languages and styles. Each of the following numbers leads to a playlist on YouTube for that psalm:

Go to the link above for the list.

Truth

Many have sinned for the sake of profit, one who hopes to be rich must turn a blind eye.  A peg will stick in the joint between two stones, and sin will wedge itself between selling and buying.  Whoever does not firmly hold to the fear of the Lord, his house will soon be overthrown. — (Sir. 27:1-3)

The Bee Stings ‘Evangelicals’, Again

Brilliantly.

After CNN released a tape of a conversation between Donald Trump and lawyer Michael Cohen discussing how to pay off a Playboy model that might damage his presidential campaign, the President admitted he is “totally baffled” that evangelical support for him has held steady.

Trump offered his candid thoughts on Christians staying behind him despite revelation after revelation of his shady dealings and sordid past in a cabinet meeting Wednesday morning.

“I mean, I’m literally on tape discussing how to pay off a Playboy model I—ALLEGEDLY—had an affair with,” Trump said, shrugging and shaking his head. “I just can’t seem to make my numbers among evangelicals go down. Believe me, I’m trying. I’m trying everything I can. They just hang around. Sad!”

“What do I have to do, kill a guy?”

Trump also pointed to his policies, including destructive tariffs, federal bailouts for businesses harmed by those tariffs, massive federal spending and deficits, and provoking foreign leaders with unhinged Twitter rants. “All of this stuff and they don’t even blink.”

“I’ll give them that my Supreme Court picks haven’t been too bad. That’s true. I do have great Court nominees,” he added after listening to input from his cabinet members for several seconds. “But man, how much bad are they willing to put up with in order to get a little good? Baffling.”

Sarcasm aside, baffling indeed.

You Know You’re A Celebrity Pastor When You Have Staff to Tweet For You!

Germans Who Resisted and Opposed Hitler and the Church Which Backed Him

Today’s story is about Katharina Staritz. A lot of Germans opposed Hitler and his Church.  And they are worth remembering.

Confession and Self Awareness

Photo by Dr Nicholas Hardy, courtesy of the Bodleian Libraries, University of Oxford

I realize I am not the best preacher and I don’t have what most would call a sweet bedside manner 😉 but I do have a certain skill set/ set of spiritual gifts when it comes to interpreting the Bible.  Scripture study is my thing.  And I’m good at it.  Really good.  The other stuff, not so much, but that… that’s my jam.

Still True

Write to the angel of the church in Smyrna and say, “Here is the message of the First and the Last, who was dead and has come to life again: I know your hardships and your poverty, and — though you are rich — the slander of the people who falsely claim to be Jews but are really members of the synagogue of Satan. Do not be afraid of the sufferings that are coming to you. Look, the devil will send some of you to prison to put you to the test, and you must face hardship for ten days. Even if you have to die, keep faithful, and I will give you the crown of life for your prize.  Let anyone who can hear, listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches: for those who prove victorious will come to no harm from the second death.” (Rev. 2:8-11)

This Is What Happens When People try to Out Ann Voskamp Ann Voskamp…

They say ridiculous, nonsensical, baseless things about Jesus.

True Prayer

True prayer is selfless prayer.

Fake Christians Are a Cancer on the Body of Christ

And they need to be cut off.