Steven Furtick’s ‘Tithe Your Age’ Campaign Aims to Get Young Kids into Church for a Steep Age Driven Discount

His idea seems to be catching on with other churches too– of the emergent variety.

In an effort to bolster its diminishing youth attendance numbers, Pomona Life Community Church announced on its Facebook page Friday its upcoming “Tithe Your Age Sunday.”

Younger churchgoers are expected to line up around the block to get into the service, so they can worship God while only putting a small bill or two into the offering plate.

“This is a really great deal,” said Pastor Paul. “You get to worship alongside the people of God, all for the low, low price of your age, and no one can even give you a dirty look when you merely drop a 20-spot into the plate.”

“This great deal won’t last, so hurry in, millennials! We’re hip!” he said.

The pastor further stated that there may be up to a 12-hour wait to get into one of the church’s four weekend services, and that security would be standing by to look out for cheapskate older churchgoers trying to claim they are much younger than they actually are.

“I just feel really bad for Gertrude, our 102-year-old regular,” he added, shrugging. “But what can you do?”

Study: Average American Now Complains More In A Week Than People Living Through The Black Plague Did Their Entire Lives

Demonstrating just how bad modern life has gotten, surveys now show that the average American today complains more in a week than people living during the black plague complained throughout their entire 30-year life span.

“There’s just so much more going wrong now,” said Karen Maxwell, a college student. “Things were just much simpler during the Black Death. All they had to deal with was squalor, starvation, and the constant threat of disease. Nowadays we have microaggressions, student debt, gluten, unequal pay for women, GMOs, problematic things like Scarlett Johansson playing a transgender man. The list just goes on and on. So it’s no wonder we complain more.”

“It just makes sense,” she added before going back to using her smartphone, a device that would have seemed like dark magic to people living just a hundred years ago.

Studies backup Maxwell, as there are recorded only a handful of common complaints from the 14th century such as large boils, lack of food, and everyone dying. In the present day, though, there are thousands of things people complain about daily — poor cell service, traffic jams, unripe avocados, obesity, favorite TV shows being canceled — problems no one six hundred years ago had to deal with at all.

“It’s just a miserable time to live in,” Troy Walker said while eating a burrito in an air conditioned food court, something that would probably confuse and scare a 14th century European. “All the disease back in the 1300s sounds bad, but at least they didn’t have high health care costs from it since they didn’t have health care. And look how we’re being exploited by capitalism.” Walker pointed to his iPhone. “But in plague-ridden Europe, most people had pretty much nothing, so they didn’t have to worry about that.”

True.

That Awkward Moment That Scripture Trolls You on Twitter

Ἴστε, ἀδελφοί μου ἀγαπητοί· ἔστω δὲ πᾶς ἄνθρωπος ταχὺς εἰς τὸ ἀκοῦσαι, βραδὺς εἰς τὸ λαλῆσαι, βραδὺς εἰς ὀργήν· ὀργὴ γὰρ ἀνδρὸς δικαιοσύνην θεοῦ οὐ κατεργάζεται.  (Jas. 1:19-20)

The ‘God of the OT is Wrathful and the God of the NT is Loving’ is a False Dichotomy and A Lie

The premise of the tweet below is simply false.  The God portrayed in the Old Testament shows love (hesed) to people constantly.  Read Hosea.  Read Exodus!   And the God portrayed in the New Testament can get as angry as he pleases.  Read the Gospels (with their many references to hell and judgment).  Read the book of Revelation!

This false dichotomy has been around too long and casual readers of the Bible need to stop acting as if it were legit, because every time they do, they put their ignorance on full display.

Sound Familiar?

And to the angel of the church in Laodicea write: The Amen, the faithful and true Witness, the Beginning of the creation of God, says this: ‘I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot; I would that you were cold or hot. ‘So because you are lukewarm, and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth. ‘Because you say, “I am rich, and have become wealthy, and have need of nothing,” and you do not know that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked, I advise you to buy from Me gold refined by fire, that you may become rich, and white garments, that you may clothe yourself, and that the shame of your nakedness may not be revealed; and eye salve to anoint your eyes, that you may see. ‘Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; be zealous therefore, and repent. ‘Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with Me. ‘He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. ‘He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.‘” (Rev. 3:14-22)

Jerome: On Cowardice

caravaggio-st-jeromeAlthough I will not listen to fault-finders, I will follow the advice of teachers. To direct the fighter how to fight when you yourself occupy a post of vantage on the wall is a kind of teaching that does not commend itself; and when you are yourself bathed in perfumes, it is unworthy to charge a bleeding soldier with cowardice.

Nor in saying this do I lay myself open to a charge of boasting that while others have slept I only have entered the lists. My meaning simply is that men who have seen me wounded in this warfare may possibly be a little too cautious in their methods of fighting.

I would not have you engage in an encounter in which you will have nothing to do but to protect yourself, your right hand remaining motionless while your left manages your shield. You must either strike or fall. I cannot account you a victor unless I see your opponent put to the sword. – St. Jerome