Daily Archives: 10 May 2018

Go Ahead, Leave Your Gun Laying Around Where Your Dog Can Get It…

With best friends like these, who needs enemies?  An Iowa man says his dog inadvertently shot him while they were roughhousing Wednesday.  Richard Remme, 51, of Fort Dodge, told police he was playing with his dog, Balew, on the couch and tossed the dog off his lap. He says when the pit bull-Labrador mix bounded back up, he must have disabled the safety on the gun in his belly band and stepped on the trigger.  The gun fired, striking one of Remme’s legs. He was treated at a hospital and released later that day.

Iowa… of course.  It had to be there or Texas.

The apology every battered woman has heard a million times

Paige Patterson needs to go and Southern Baptists need to withhold funding from SWBTS until he does.

The Baptist Blogger

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Paige Patterson hasn’t just enabled abusive men through his careless words stretched over decades. He is an abuser himself.

Today, under increasing pressure, Patterson has issued his fourth statement in two weeks. First, he was being attacked. Second, he only meant “non-injurious physical abuse.” Then, he had nothing to apologize for. And now, he offers a partial apology.

He wants to keep his job. So he’s going through the motions. Last night, Patterson slept in a house paid for by Southern Baptists. On a bed that is made by servants paid for by Southern Baptists. Across campus, Southern Baptists are building him another home.

Meanwhile, there’s a student worker who still doesn’t have a job.

Paige wants to be forgiven for dragging the Southern Baptist Convention through weeks of turmoil.  He’s the typical abuser who wants to be forgiven for everything he’s done, but he can’t quite tell you everything…

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SBL’s New Annual Meeting Pricing Scale

Word from Atlanta is that SBL will begin, next year, charging by weight for the annual conference.  When asked about the new pricing strategy sources stated

“We know that the receptions are the most popular part of SBL because of the food and booze and we think that bigger people need to pay bigger registration fees in the same way that bigger people sometimes have to purchase two seats on a plane.  Accordingly, all registration will now be on site and registrants will be asked to squeeze between entry bars.  The thinner they are, the less they will pay for registration.”

The source went on to say ‘off the record’, that there was ‘no reason the littles ought to pay what the bigs pay.’

SBL then revealed the size fencing to be used at the entrance to the receptions:

Attendees are strongly encouraged to drop pounds now- registration will begin at 90$ for the petite and skyrocket to 450$ for the largest attendees.

Quote of the Day

“In times of the greatest degeneracy and apostasy God has always had, and will have, a remnant faithful to him, some that keep their integrity and do not go down the stream.” – Matthew Henry

Now There’s a Petition to Support Paige Patterson, And They Want Me to Sign It…

This email arrived-

Support Paige Patterson.

An intentional, well-designed media strategy developed by critics of Paige Patterson, such as Ed Stetzer and Jonathan Merritt, is threatening to influence the Board of Trustees at Southwestern Seminary to take adverse action.

A counseling situation from fifty-four years ago, inaccurately recounted by Dr. Patterson eighteen years ago, is being dredged up, along with a four year-old preaching video in which Dr. Patterson tells a story about a boy noticing a pretty girl. Both stories have been twisted to sound salacious. This is nothing more than a smear campaign by those with a long history of criticizing Dr. Patterson.

If you are willing to support the Father of the Conservative Resurgence, please SIGN THIS PETITION. Also, please share this petition with persons in your church family who might also be willing to sign in support of Dr. Patterson.

Sincerely,

Dr. Rick Patrick
Executive Director
Connect 316 – SBC Today

Petition Signing Process
1. Click on “SIGN THIS PETITION.”
2. Complete the information in the box at the right.
3. Click on the “I am not a robot” box.
4. Complete the simple task of selecting boxes.
5. Click on the box that reads “SIGN THE PETITION.”
6. You will receive a message confirming your success.

NEIN!!!!

This New Generation of ‘Reformed’ Kids Are So Lazy…

According to sources at the Johnson household, the Reformed family’s pathetic newborn Beverly couldn’t answer a single question out of the Westminster Shorter Catechism during family worship Wednesday evening.

The family patriarch began posing questions from the teaching tool to each of his nine children, and was reportedly “deeply disappointed” when the youngest of the bunch was unable to answer “even the easy questions.” The “total spiritual failure” was even baptized already, but still failed to answer a single question correctly.

“What is the chief end of man?” Mr. Johnson reportedly asked, to which little Beverly merely made a cooing sound. “That’s OK, we don’t always get it on the first try. Bev, what is the chief end of man? I’ll only ask you once more.” The newborn tilted her head and began to drool, causing Johnson to furrow his brow and shake his head. “WHAT IS THE CHIEF END OF MAN?”

“Do you think there’s something wrong with her? Maybe… maybe she’s not elect,” Johnson’s wife Hannah whispered to him as the man continued to grill the infant on various questions from the popular 17th century catechism.

At publishing time, the family reported that the two-month-old had shown her true colors as a vessel for wrath by obstinately refusing to sing along with the family’s a cappella rendition of Psalm 59.

Poor little kid.  Clearly predestined for destruction….

Andy Stanley is a Marcionite Heretic and No Christian

North Point Community Church Senior Pastor Andy Stanley has stated that Christians need to “unhitch” the Old Testament from their faith.  In the final part of a recent sermon series, Stanley explained that while he believes that the Old Testament is “divinely inspired,” it should not be “the go-to source regarding any behavior in the church.”

That’s what Marcion said, and the Church rejected it, and him.  Put plainly, one CANNOT understand the New Testament without the Old and there is a LOT in the OT that is extremely valuable.  Jettisoning it for the sake of some pseudo- Gospel is heresy. Damnable heresy.  And Stanley is a damnable heretic.

Congratulations to James Crossley

Crossley

James has announced:

Along with Alastair Lockhart specifically (and all the staff at the Panacea Charitable Trust generally), I’ll be running the Centre for the Critical Study of Apocalyptic and Millenarian Movements (CenSAMM). There is potential and resources to do loads of interesting things, particularly relating to open access and public engagement. I’ll be half here, half at St Mary’s in CSSSB where I’ll still be supervising PhD students, doing research, sitting at the High Table, conferencing etc. Lots more to follow over the next few years…

I’m so proud of this kid.

Bullinger for Today

They serve God … who by faith and obedience gather themselves into the holy assembly at specified times; who keep the ecclesiastical discipline derived out of the word of God; who hear the word of God, or the holy exposition of the sacred scriptures; who pray publicly with the church; who religiously participate in the sacraments; and observe other lawful and wholesome rites or ceremonies. By this their service they glorify God among men… 

Truce-breakers are they, disloyal, and infamous through their adultery, whosoever, being not knit to one God by faith, or worship him alone, or call upon him through Christ, and who do not serve him also as he himself hath said in his word he would be served. — Heinrich Bullinger

It’s Barth’s Birthiversary

Happy birthday, Karl!  Let’s celebrate!

On The Anniversary of The German Book-Burning of 10 May, 1933

It may be important- nay- it is important to learn that

buecherverbrennungDoch anders als viele Menschen denken, wurden sie nicht von der NSDAP oder einem Ministerium organisiert, sondern von der Deutschen Studentenschaft, die sich, so vermuten Wissenschaftler, damit den Nationalsozialisten andienen wollten.

German students came up with the bright idea to burn all those books.  Remarkable.  One of the most senseless acts of Nazi history wasn’t thought up by the leadership- it was an act of University students…  the very people who ought to know better.

The essay from which that snippet is drawn is very much worth reading it its entirety.

Today With Zwingli: The Zurich Marriage Ordinance of 1525

zwingliAnother important piece of internal regulation, viz., relative to marriage and divorce, inspired and formulated by Zwingli, was passed by the Councils on May 10, 1525.

Briefly, marriages were usually to be public, in churches, and with the consent of parents or guardians. Even though the discovery should soon be made that the parties were unfitted for living together, still they are to live together for a year, and then they may be divorced.

Divorces may be granted for other causes. Adultery is a crime to be severely punished by the authorities. So also seduction and like offences when marriage cannot be arranged. Those who commit adultery hoping thereby to secure a divorce and so be free to contract another marriage, or to live unchastely, were to be excommunicated and for ever banished. By thus claiming for Zurich the adjudication of the matrimonial cases the break with the past was still further emphasised, as formerly all such cases came to the episcopal court in Constance.  (S.M. Jackson)

People Are Getting Dumber Every Day

Get the Commentary Barth is Presently Reading…

And that’s this one.  Oh yes, they have books in heaven.  That’s what makes it heaven.

Barth told Brunner today ‘If I had read this commentary earlier in my life I would have avoided every exegetical error I made.’

I know because Brunner told me.  Email me for the pdf, mention this post, and in honor of Barth’s birthday get the entire series for $75.  Today only (along with every other day)

Modern Christian ‘Commitment’: A Parable

Let the viewer understand…

Remembering Maurice Casey

From 4 years ago…

Fun Facts From Church History: The Church Which Hosted Zwingli in Glarus…

… Was burnt in the conflagration which well-nigh destroyed the town on Friday, May 10, 1861, and upon its site is a building containing the Law Courts, the Public Library, and a small museum.

Bet ya didn’t know that, did ya?

Happy Birthday Barth!

You lecherous old depraved reprobate, I love ya anyway.