Daily Archives: 13 Mar 2018

The Reformers Comic

Via.

Why Doesn’t God Answer Prayer Immediately?

God’s slowness springs from our coldness and dullness, while our iniquities interpose an obstacle between ourselves and his ear. — John Calvin

Or, in more modern terms- God doesn’t answer your prayers right off because your spiritual life is undeveloped and you sin so much that he just isn’t in any rush to give you a hand.

And, frankly, why should he?

The Rachel Held Evans Emergent ‘Christian’ ‘Confession’ of ‘Faith’

Others helped, but it’s pretty clear that the document is largely hers much the same way that the Barmen Declaration is Barth’s even though many others ‘contributed’ to it…

A new catechism released by a coalition of several progressive, mainline denominations Tuesday consists solely of 107 questions, without a single answer to any of them, sources confirmed.

Liberal priests, scholars, and ministers from mainline Episcopal, Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian traditions gathered to pound out the document full of bold theological questions that they then refuse to answer in any way.

The catechism will allow progressive Christians to memorize several new questions each week of the year, but will not oppress believers with any “toxic” concrete answers.

“What is our only hope in life and death? Seriously, anybody know?” question #1 reads, setting the tone for the remainder of the document.

Other thought-provoking questions in the teaching tool include the following:

  • Q2: What is God? Anyone? Bueller?
  • Q84: What does every sin deserve, other than unquestioning, breathless affirmation?
  • Q86: What is faith in Jesus Christ? Did he even exist? What does it all mean?
  • Q107: What if we’re all just part of a big video game simulation, bro?

During a vape break at the conference, one episcopal priest told journalists, “We want God’s people to follow Her with deeds, not creeds. This teaching guide is perfect for clergy that want their congregations to ask the big ‘God’ questions, without ever providing any kind of solid answer to any of them.” She further stated that the document will encourage the “spirit of doubt” that Christ wanted His people to develop in their spiritual walk.

“After all, isn’t that what it’s all about?” she added as she took an pensive puff of her avocado-flavored vaping fluid. “Seriously, is it? I have no idea.”

You Can’t Read Romance Novels in Geneva

Or at least you couldn’t in 1559…

We learn from the state-register of March 13, 1559, that romance-reading was altogether prohibited in Geneva. It is said:—“Inasmuch as many persons are in the habit of reading Amadis de Gaule, which contains much that is licentious and wicked, let them be gravely admonished, and let the said book be abolished and destroyed.” Shortly after Calvin’s time, Henry Stephens was excommunicated and imprisoned, because he had written a dissolute book. In conclusion, we refer to a little work entitled ‘The Life of the Christian, and a View of Eternal Life,’ as affording a further proof of Calvin’s spiritual feelings, and care for souls. – Paul Henry

Indeed, those romance novels are nasty.  And gross.  Some books need to be banned.  Not Brunner’s or Bultmann’s by any means, but we can all agree that NT Wright’s definitely need to be.

The Nor’Easter…

Right on the heels of Donald Trump’s Twitter-firing of Rex Tillerson as secretary of state Tuesday, the National Weather Service announced the rapid formation of a devastating category 5 hurricane originating from the furiously spinning revolving door located at the front of the White House.

“Hurricane Donald coalesced very quickly right above the White House as a result of the extremely violent rotation of the front revolving door, as employees are joining and leaving the Trump administration at a frenetic pace. Take shelter immediately,” a NWS spokesman said in an emergency breaking news transmission. “If White House turnover doesn’t quiet down, I fear we’re going to be seeing many more of these weather patterns on the East Coast, so we need to be prepared.”

At publishing time, excited scientists have confirmed that the planet has now entered a cooling trend, again due to powerful winds created by the White House revolving door.

All the storms in the Northeast now have a scientific explanation.

Guns in Schools? Bad Idea Given that Even Some Resource Officers Don’t Know What they’re Doing

More guns = more problems not solutions.

A school resource officer accidentally fired his gun inside a middle school in Alexandria, Virginia, Tuesday morning, police say. No one was hurt.  The officer was inside his office at George Washington Middle School in the Del Ray neighborhood when he accidentally discharged his service weapon about 9:10 a.m., according to Alexandria police.

Ugh.  And more to come if the madness of the ‘arm the teachers’ movement really does what the NRA wants it to do.  Don’t fall for the bogus ‘more guns make us safer’ argument of the mentally deficient.  More guns don’t make you safer any more than more cancer cells make you healthier.

Quote of the Day

” I will be glad and rejoice in Your mercy, For You have considered my trouble; You have known my soul in adversities, And have not shut me up into the hand of the enemy; You have set my feet in a wide place. Have mercy on me, O LORD, for I am in trouble; My eye wastes away with grief, Yes, my soul and my body!” (Ps. 31:7-9)

Total Depravity: She Planned to Murder Her Brother’s Baby with Tainted Milk

The Fort Wayne woman who police said plotted to kill her brother’s baby with breast milk tainted with a lethal amount of an over-the-counter pain medicine has turned in a guilty plea.

Sarai Rodriguez-Miranda, 19, pleaded guilty Monday morning in Allen Superior Court to a felony charge of Attempted Murder.

U.S. Marshals arrested Rodriguez-Miranda in Bay City, Michigan, in late September after police caught wind that she aimed to kill her infant niece by putting pain relief medication in a bottle of breast milk. Authorities alleged then that Rodriguez-Miranda was angry that her brother, his fiance and their daughter had been staying with her and her mother at their Fort Wayne home, and that her mother had agreed to allow them to stay longer.

Well… what to say….  Oh, I know…

With St Patrick’s Day Just Around the Corner it’s Time For ‘Patrick’s Bad Analogies’

Hebrew Manuscript Studies: Codicology, Palaeography, Art History

Call for Applications: Summer Workshop. “Hebrew Manuscript Studies: Codicology, Palaeography, Art History”. Oxford. 29 June – 12 July 2018.

Visit the post for more details.

What’s Ancient Is Again Relevant

Jeremiah_rembrandtThe word that came to Jeremiah from Yahweh,  ‘Hear the terms of this covenant; tell them to the people of Judah and to the inhabitants of Jerusalem.  Tell them, “Yahweh, God of Israel, says this: Cursed be anyone who will not listen to the terms of this covenant which I ordained for your ancestors when I brought them out of Egypt, out of that iron-foundry. Listen to my voice, I told them, carry out all my orders, then you will be my people and I shall be your God,  so that I may fulfil the oath I swore to your ancestors, that I may give them a country flowing with milk and honey, as is the case today.” ‘ I replied, ‘So be it, Yahweh!’  

Then Yahweh said to me, ‘Proclaim all these terms in the towns of Judah and in the streets of Jerusalem, saying, “Listen to the terms of this covenant and obey them.  For when I brought your ancestors out of Egypt, I solemnly warned them, and have persistently warned them until today, saying: Listen to my voice.  But they did not listen, did not pay attention; instead, each followed his own stubborn and wicked inclinations. And against them, in consequence, I put into action the words of this covenant which I had ordered them to obey and which they had not obeyed.” ‘  

Yahweh said to me, ‘Plainly there is conspiracy among the people of Judah and the citizens of Jerusalem.  They have reverted to the sins of their ancestors who refused to listen to my words: they too are following other gods and serving them. The House of Israel and the House of Judah have broken my covenant which I made with their ancestors.  And so, Yahweh says this, “I shall now bring a disaster on them which they cannot escape; they will call to me for help, but I shall not listen to them.  

The towns of Judah and the citizens of Jerusalem will then go and call for help to the gods to whom they burn incense, but these will be no help at all to them in their time of distress!  “For you have as many gods as you have towns, Judah! You have built as many altars to Shame, as many incense altars to Baal, as Jerusalem has streets!  “You, for your part, must not intercede for this people, nor raise either plea or prayer on their behalf, for I will not listen when their distress forces them to call to me for help.” (Jer. 11:1-14 NJB)

Gentle Luther, Meek and Mild

Caspar Schwenckfeld sent one of his silly books to Luther and asked his opinion of it.  When the messenger dropped it off Luther didn’t let him leave until he gave his this response to pass on to his master-

The stupid fool, [Caspar Schwenckfeld], who is possessed by the devil, has no understanding, and doesn’t know what he’s mumbling about. If he won’t stop, at least let him not bother me with his books, which the devil is spitting up and spewing out of him. Let him have this as my final judgment and answer.  

The Lord rebuke you, Satan! And the spirit who called you, the course which you take, and all the sacramentarians and Eutychians who side with you in your blasphemies—to hell with you!

As it is written, ‘I did not send the prophets, yet they ran; I did not speak to them, yet they prophesied’ [Jer. 23:21].” — Martin Luther

Luther would say the same thing to so many today.  So many.