Order Your Exorcism Online

Good news for all those needing their terrible children freed of their demons:

If there’s something strange in your neighborhood, who you gonna call? Certainly not the Vatican—the Holy See’s switchboard is jammed with people wanting exorcisms. But fear not: you can now order an exorcism online from independent service providers. There has been a three-fold increase in the number of people resorting to exorcism because of demon problems, reported Italy’s Vatican News. The church is trying to train up more of its priests in the dark arts.

And oh my-

In Italy alone there are 500,000 requests for exorcisms every single year, claims one Vatican-sanctioned trainer of exorcist-priests called Friar Benigno Palilla, whose job it is to tool up the clergy in their fight against demonic possession.

Italians must be horrible people if that many need demons driven out.  But I’m not calling the Vatican when I want the demons driven from Joel Watts.  I’m calling Helen.