Daily Archives: 8 Jan 2018

This is How Utterly Daft the Celebrity Worshipers Are

10 Potential 2020 Presidential Candidates

Well, it looks like putting Trump in the White House has opened the floodgates. With celebrities from Oprah to The Rock hinting at a presidential run, the 2020 race is shaping up to be a real hoot and a half.

We sent our reporters out to do reportery, investigationy stuff on who might be running in 2020, and here is what they drummed up. Follow these 10 celebrities’ careers closely—one of them just might end up in the White House!

Jerry Springer – Talk show hosts are all throwing their hats in the ring for the upcoming race—first with Oprah testing the waters, now, Jerry Springer. Springer represents controversy, trashiness, drama, and ugly domestic disputes—pretty much everything the nation already stands for! Springer should make a strong showing at the polls.

The Hanson brothers – The number one qualification the nation looks for in a president is a hit song released in the late ‘90s. Zac, Taylor, and Isaac have you covered there, with “MMMBop” topping the charts in 1997. With a strong showing in the indie music scene in the years since Middle of Nowhere, we expect the three Hanson brothers to announce their collective run any day now.

Mr. Peanut – What does the Oval Office need after a Trump presidency? Why, it needs some class of course, and who better to lend an air of sophistication than top-hat-wearing, anthropomorphic peanut Mr. Peanut? Peanut is currently putting the feelers out there for a 2020 run, according to sources close to the brand mascot.

Conor McGregor – The best training ground for running the world’s most prominent superpower is the octagon. Conor McGregor has been feeling out the possibility of a run, saying he’d “quite fancy a stay in that big White House for a tick.” Reminded that he is not a U.S. citizen, McGregor stated, “I’ll [expletive] kill ya, ya [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] [expletive] boy.”

Beast Boy from Teen Titans Go! – Straightforward, persuasive, and in touch with the nation’s youth, everyone’s favorite green hero Beast Boy could make a splash in the 2020 election. Sources report that he has already cooked up a catchy campaign slogan: “I wants to be the president, yo!”

The nation’s collective sense of existential dread – This one’s comin’ in hot! The smart money for the 2020 race is the nation’s collective sense of existential dread, which is sure to sweep everyone up in a wave of populism and kick Trump out of the White House.

Ronald Reagan – A nation of disillusioned Republicans is looking for a candidate who represents the conservative policies the party allegedly stands for. Who better than the reanimated corpse of Ronald Reagan, resurrected by dark magic developed by the CIA under the Bush administration? He has our vote, Iran-Contra scandal or no!

Joel Osteen – We’re not 100% sure Osteen’s going to run as a presidential candidate, but it’s a sure bet he’ll be the VP candidate on Oprah Winfrey’s ticket. With both Winfrey and Osteen espousing positive thinking, the law of attraction, and a relativistic, inclusivist view of God, they’re the perfect match for each other.

Admiral Adama from Battlestar Galactica – The nation needs a strong leader in these tumultuous times on the world stage. The world needs Bill Adama. Say it with us: so say we all!

That old lady Mrs. Morgan who ranted about killing drummers on that weird filler track on Jesus Freak – Mrs. Morgan showed she was strong and intimidating, and that she wouldn’t take no crap from anybody when she famously declared, “If he hits the drum one more time, he’s gonna be a dead drummer!” Who better to put hostile foreign powers in their place than Mrs. Morgan?

There you have it!

Which one are you voting for? Who did we forget? Be sure to let us know in the comments section of another website.

Whoever America elects you can be sure of one thing, they won’t be a practicing Christian.

That Awkward Moment When Your School Cancels a Critically Important Event…

via Matt Coomber

Disability and Youth Ministry Conference

In theology and ministry with young people, disability is often treated as a problem to be solved. Christian leaders approach people with disabilities as a target audience in need of integration into traditional church programming, rather than as full-fledged members of Christian community. But what would happen if the Church were to invest in and affirm young people with disabilities as active members of the body of Christ? How might the Church be reformed and reshaped by God’s work in young people with disabilities? Join the Institute for Youth Ministry for this 2-day event where we will engage both scholars and practitioners, striving to create an interdisciplinary conversation that makes a difference in a world of difference.


Self Deprecation’s Deception

“Boasting is an evidence that we are pleased with self; belittling, that we are disappointed in it. Either way, we reveal that we have a high opinion of ourselves.” — A. W. Tozer

Truth: An Observation

Take note – #YourTruth may very well not be #TheTruth.  After all, you are not the measure of all things.

Quote of the Day

Apply your heart to instruction, And your ears to words of knowledge. (Prov. 23:12)

The Tensions Which Eventually Led to the Second Kappel War

At a general diet which met at Baden, January 8, 1531, the Five [Catholic] Cantons declared that unless justice was done them with respect to the Abbey of St. Gall [which had been seized by the Reformed and sold, the proceeds going to help the poor], they would not appear again in diet.

Threats and insults were freely exchanged, although the use of abusive language was expressly forbidden by the treaty. “Thief,” “murderer,” and “arch-heretic,” were some of the epithets applied to Zwingli. But the Five [Catholic] Cantons did not content themselves with the mere use of invective. A vigorous persecution was raised against the poor people among them who loved the Word of God [i.e., the Reformed]. They were fined, imprisoned, cruelly tormented, and expelled from their homes.

Secret councils were held and threats of war were heard on every side. The evangelical cities, greatly alarmed by these warlike manifestations, assembled in diet at Basel, February, 1531, and again at Zurich in March. At the former of these meetings, the deputies of Zurich presented a long list of grievances alleged to have been suffered by them at the hands of the Five Cantons. “What can we do,” inquired they, “to punish these base calumnies, and disarm our enemies?” “We understand,” said Bern, “that you would resort to violence, but we bid you reflect that the Five Cantons are forming secret alliances with the Pope, the Emperor, and the King of France. Think also of the many innocent and pious people in the Five Cantons who would suffer in case of war. Think how easy it is to begin a war, but how hard to predict how it will end. Let us rather send a deputation to the Five Cantons requesting the punishment, according to treaty, of those who have circulated these infamous slanders. Should they refuse to do this, let us break off all intercourse with them.”

“Such a mission would be useless,” said the deputies of Basel, “let us rather summon a general diet.” This proposal won general assent, and the diet was accordingly convoked at Baden on the 10th of April.*

The gathering clouds of war would eventually burst in a great tempest in October, 1531, after 10 months of terrible tension between the Catholic Cantons and those which adhered to the Reformed views of Zwingli. And it all started with a squabble over property… and faith…

*Samuel Simpson, Life of Ulrich Zwingli: The Swiss Patriot and Reformer (New York: Baker & Taylor Co., 1902), 245–247.

Calvin’s Chief Contribution to the Church Was as a Commentator

I think this is absolutely on target-

It was as a Commentator that Calvin reigned supreme in his day, and, for that matter survives to-day. Beginning with his work on Romans while in Strassburg, in 1540, he continued until the year of his death in Geneva, with his work on Joshua. A more extensive series, and one more clear and marked with spiritual insight, and more modern in method, was not produced by the age of the Reformation. Next to the Institutes and to the work of the Academy, Calvin’s Commentaries rank for influence in the spread of his ideas throughout Europe and America.*

Commentaries for the Church- that’s where the real work is done.  I truly believe that.

*Richard Taylor Stevenson, John Calvin: The Statesman (Cincinnati; new York: Jennings and Graham; Eaton and Mains, 1907), 171.

Signs of the Times