Daily Archives: 7 Nov 2017

What The Pulpit Says About the Pastor

This is a useful taxonomy of pastoral fidelity to orthodox Christian faith-

Show us a pulpit, and you’ve shown us everything we need to know about its pastor. In fact, our panel of theology experts on staff at The Babylon Bee have the God-given ability to judge with 99.97% accuracy the theology of a church just based on its pulpit. It’s quite a talent, and we’re pretty impressed ourselves.

Find your pastor’s pulpit in the list below, and be sure to let him know how he ranked.

No pulpit at all – If your church has no pulpit, your pastor has likely abandoned the preaching of the Word in favor of wandering around the stage aimlessly, telling “narrative theology” stories as a team of performers provides an interpretative dance. Theology rating: ROB BELL

Aluminum cafe table – Are you delivering the most holy God’s message for my life, or are we just chillin’ at Starbucks shooting the breeze? Theology rating: REALLY BAD

Music stand – A sermon preached from a music stand is actually just sharing what’s on your heart, and that’s just terrible. These “life lessons” are as flimsy as the cheap music stand from which they’re preached. Theology rating: JUST MEDIUM BAD

Custom stainless steel design – A modern pulpit constructed of stainless steel is sleek and attractive. But you know what else is sleek and attractive? SATAN. Theology rating: JOEL OSTEEN

Plexiglass pulpit – Plexiglass pulpits are designed to communicate transparency and vulnerability, but what they really communicate is theology that’s so lightweight you can see right through it. The pastor probably preaches messages with titles like “Principles for Living the Good Life” right out of the NLT. Theology rating: BUSH LEAGUE

Wooden lectern – A wooden lectern is for the pastor who knows good theology but isn’t too excited by it. His sermons are no-frills, passionless exercises in tedium. But he ain’t wrong, most of the time. Theology rating: NOT SURE, WE WERE ASLEEP THE WHOLE SERMON

Sturdy mahogany pulpit – There’s just about nothing more godly than a 🔥 sermon preached off a classic wooden pulpit. The pastor clad in a snazzy suit and preaching off one of these bad boys doesn’t care what the world thinks—he only cares that you be convicted of your sin. Theology rating: JOHN MACARTHUR

Imposing elevated pulpit – For the pastor whose theology is high and lifted up, seated above the rest of those theological plebs. Theology rating: 5 OUT OF 5 POINTS OF CALVINISM

The helm of an old wooden warship – Now we’re cooking with gas. Only the bravest ministers of the gospel would break off the bow of an old wooden warship, install it in their church building, and preach the gospel like they’re commanding a fleet during the War of 1812. Theology rating: SPURGEON

If your pastor doesn’t measure up, it’s time to go pulpit shopping for instant theology improvement!

NB- Mine is the Helm of the old wooden Warship, just fyi.

I’m Glad He Stopped Kelley From Getting Away, But He Didn’t Stop the Slaughter

The pro gun folk saying the chap in Texas ‘ended’ the killing are delusional. Ended?  Kelley had already murdered 26 and shot 20 more. He was on his way out of the church.  He was stopped in the lot AFTER it was over. That’s not called ‘ending’ a mass murder it’s called stopping the guy from getting away.

Mind you, I’m thrilled he got him before he got away and I’m glad they chased him till the police arrived.  But again, it is simply erroneous for pro gun folk to boast that the shooting rampage was stopped.

Total Depravity: They Starved their Child to Death, As Punishment

Authorities who charged an Illinois couple with murder say their 6-year-old son died last week of malnutrition because they allegedly withheld food to punish him, PEOPLE confirms.

The boy weighed just 17 lbs. at the time of his death, according to documents from the Jersey County, Illinois, State’s Attorney obtained by PEOPLE.

Police in Jerseyville, Illinois, said in a statement that they were called to the Jerseyville Community Hospital on Friday after the boy died.

Investigators determined that the child — who lived with three other siblings and two step-siblings — and a 7-year-old were both allegedly “deprived of food by their father and stepmother as a form of punishment,” a police statement said.

Charged in the case are Michael Roberts, the father, and stepmother Georgena Roberts, both 42, according to documents from the Jersey County State’s Attorney.

Hell was made for such people as these.

European Academy of Religion Call For Papers

From Monday, March 5th to Thursday, March 8th, 2018, Bologna will host the first annual meeting of the European Academy of Religion.

The European Academy of Religion (EuARe) is a new constellation in European scholarship which was established in 2016 with the support of the European parliament. It aims to create an inclusive network, to act as an open platform, and to provide a framework to foster research, communication, exchange and cooperation concerning important religious issues for the academic world and society at large.

The program of the EuARe Conference 2018 will be composed of plenary (lectiones magistrales and roundtables) and working sessions (panels and papers).

On Tuesday 6th and Wednesday 7th, the Conference will host an international Moot Court Competition in Law & Religion, organized in cooperation with ICLARS – International Consortium for Law & Religion Studies.

In the location of the event, a display space reserved for publishers will be set up. Publishers are invited to organize book presentations with authors and to advertise their participation on their websites and in newsletters in order to draw public attention to their works and encourage attendance.

The Call, here attached, has been recently published on the EuARe website: there you will find all the information you need about the Conference program and your participation (deadlines, registration fees, travel grants and accommodation).

If you wish to contribute to the Conference by convening a panel or applying for a single paper, we remind you that the deadline for proposal submission is Wednesday, December 20th (submission forms can be found here: https://www.europeanacademyofreligion.org/program). Registrations to the Conference, instead, will be open until Friday, February 16th (https://www.europeanacademyofreligion.org/registration).  Early rates for registration will be available until December 20th (early bird) and February 16th (regular). After this date only on-site registration will be possible.

We also remind you that, starting this year, the EuARe will be granting memberships.
Members will have the benefits of discounted conference rates and will be invited to join and participate in the next General Assembly, which will meet on Tuesday 6th of March. The Call will also give you more detailed information about the membership rates and the General Assembly. Membership application forms are available here: https://www.europeanacademyofreligion.org/membership.

Help us spread the word about the Conference, and circulate the Call among your university departments, institutions and societies, colleagues and students.

We are looking forward to welcoming you in Bologna!

European Academy of Religion
Via San Vitale 114, 40125, Bologna, Italy
+39 051 239532
2018 Conference organized by Fscire

The Sutherland Springs Shooter Shot Infants at Close Range

Explain this without taking into account the very real presence of very real evil.  This is more than mere mental illness- it is demonic.

Gunman checked each aisle, shot babies at point-blank range.

A New Greek New Testament

Larry on the Tyndale Greek Text- nicely, and accurately said.

Larry Hurtado's Blog

There is a newly-published edition of The Greek New Testament prepared by scholars associated with Tyndale House (Cambridge, UK).   For more information, and for continuing commentary on its features, see the dedicated blog site here.  It is published in the USA by Crossway (online entry here), and by Cambridge University Press.  A free sample is available for download from the Crossway site.

The editorial work was headed by Dirk Jongkind, who is based in Tyndale House.  It is the fruit of a decade of work, but there is more to come, including a textual commentary that will address the editorial choices made at the many variation-units, and will give additional evidence for the variants considered beyond the witnesses cited in the apparatus.

I’m pleased to have a copy of the work, and thus far have been able to peruse the Introduction and to spot check a few major…

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What is the Gospel?

The gospel is a good and a sweet word, and an assured testimony of God’s grace to us-ward, exhibited in Christ unto all believers. Or else: The gospel is the most evident sentence of the eternal God, brought down from heaven, absolving all believers from all their sins, and that too freely, for Christ his sake, with a promise of eternal life. — Heinrich Bullinger

A Truly Useful and Important Resource for Old Testament Studies

Just published, “The Old Testament in Archaeology and History” is a volume with which I am intimately familiar, having read through most of it in early editorial stages.  I can recommend it to you for courses in Old Testament and for courses in Archaeology.  The essayists are all top notch and the editors are the cream of the Old Testament crop.

I received my copy today and I’m quite thrilled with the results of all that labor over all those months.  I think you’ll be quite impressed with it yourselves.

You Can Buy a Dry Cleaning Bag… Dress… for $700…

If you’re a big fat idiot that is.  Because only an idiot would.

You know what they say: One man’s plastic dry-cleaner bag is another man’s “cape sheer overlay dress.”

This “slip-on, sleeveless design,” per the luxury retailer Browns’ website, is by the irreverent Italian label Moschino, part of designer Jeremy Scott’s trash-inspired “cardboard couture” Fall 2017 collection. It’ll set you back a hefty $700.

Scott, fashion’s long-reigning postmodern provocateur, has a knack for turning the detritus of everyday life into la alta moda. Some of his most popular Moschino designs have riffed on McDonald’s french fries, Barbie parts and SpongeBob SquarePants.


Christians and Weapons

“We ourselves were all too familiar with war, murder, & every other kind of evil, but all of us the whole world over have traded in our weapons of war for instruments of peace — swords into plowshares, spears into farm implements — & now we cultivate crops of reverence, justice, compassion, fidelity, & expectation of the future given to us through the one who was crucified.” – Justin Martyr, Dialogue with Trypho 110

Naturally no one in America knows who Justin is, or even what he means, or virtually anything else about Christian theology.  Which is why we’re in the mess we’re in.