The Bee Stings the Dilettantes: I.E., The Held-Evans’s of Christendom

After a full five minutes of careful study on a controversial topic, local believer Andrea Williams confirmed Wednesday that she had come to the conclusion that the Bible was 100% in agreement with what she wanted to be true in the first place.

The Christian woman performed extensive research into the topic, including googling phrases like, “how do I explain away verses that disagree with me in the Bible,” and, “how to eisegete,” before cracking open her copy of the Scriptures and spending minutes poring over the text.

“It’s really amazing—when I just make the effort to spend a few deliberate, hasty minutes in the Word, I can get the text to fall in line with my preconceived notions about issues that matter to me,” she was heard saying as she consciously chose to ignore the clear meaning of the inspired words in favor of an unlikely interpretation only arrived by imposing her worldview on the text. “I love how when we come to the Word of God and allow it to shape our minds, it always does us a favor by conforming to our own understanding first.”

The self-made scholar was later offered a lucrative book deal on the topic by a major Christian publisher.

One of the Bee’s Best Stings Yet: Feminist Angry at God for ‘Godsplaining’

Local feminist Linda Otto reportedly dismissed the Bible as “Godsplaining” in a recent blog post, followers of her Patheos page confirmed Wednesday.

She defined the term as the Lord revealing commandments and universal moral truths without consulting His creation to see how they felt about the matter.

“See how God constantly just talks at us without stopping to ask if we’re okay with His objective truth?” she wrote. “This is a clear example of Godsplaining. He never takes the time to listen to women to see what we want His commands to be.”

Otto also wrote that the Lord has no business handing down decrees that pertain to women, since He is not a woman Himself.

At publishing time, Otto had published a blog post exposing the evils of the “Godtriarchy” that dominates the entire universe.

Journal Essays Devoted to The Subject of Women in the 17th Century

Here.  Free through the end of October.

The Seventeenth Century has a rich archive of articles covering all aspects of women’s lives in the period. This Virtual Special Issue, with free access, presents a selection of sixteen articles, covering all strata of society, and focusing on three principal areas, which inevitably often overlap. These are: women as active agents in society; women’s domestic and devotional lives; and relations between the sexes, in and outside marriage. A future Virtual Special Issue will focus on the journal’s equally rich archive of literary analysis of women’s writings.

In making this selection, only one piece has been chosen by any one author, which has led to some difficult choices. Similarly, this selection does not include relevant articles which have already featured in previous Virtual Special Issues; although many are outstanding, they have already been freely available.

The Bee Stings The Heretic Osteen

But a bit unrealistically, because Osteen has never actually opened a bible.

After overhearing a pair of Christians discuss 2 Timothy 2:15 in a local coffee shop, pastor and teacher Joel Osteen reportedly discovered for the first time the concept of “rightly dividing the Word of truth.” Inspired by this newfound revelation of how ministers and lay believers alike are to approach the Scriptures, the Lakewood pastor reportedly retrieved a pair of shears and a Bible from his briefcase to try it out for himself.

“Let me just try this—ow! Shoot!” patrons at the cafe heard him exclaim. Shortly thereafter, Osteen was rushed to the hospital with multiple lacerations to his hand and forearm.

The best the minister could piece together, he had attempted to use the shears to rightly divide the Bible he happened to have in his briefcase, and had somehow mangled the Scriptures beyond all recognition, inadvertently wounding himself with several cuts to his hand in the process.

“It was a real whoops-a-daisy!” a smiling Osteen told reporters gathered around his Houston hospital bed Wednesday morning, his hand completely wrapped in thick gauze. “Sometimes we fall down and make mistakes—the Bible calls this ‘boo-boos.’ But the good news is we can declare victory over our hangups and move forward!”

At publishing time, Osteen had been released with strict instructions not to go anywhere near either sharp objects or copies of the Bible, lest he hurt himself and others.

Again, Luther’s Growing Disgust in June 1545

From the sermon of 7 June-

This is the general way of things now. They will not tolerate preachers, except the ones who teach what they want to hear. Christ did not die so that you should be arrogant, but so that you might be freed from sins, etc.—not so that we might remain in them and continue to sin. We would do that well enough without His dying. He has not freed me so that I might do whatever I want, as I did before knowing Christ. No, but rather hear the Word and live according to it. Faith and works must be preached and sins chastised. Whoever does not want to hear can go away and give account [for himself].

In other words, if you don’t want to hear the truth, go somewhere else but don’t bother to come here.  Luther speaks here for all who speak the truth from their pulpits.

Luther Was Growing More and More Annoyed With People in 1545

YOU have often heard and are now hearing the complaint, which is universal in all the world, that when human beings hear the preaching of faith about the remission of sins, they embrace it, because it is a delightful preaching: God has sent His Son for you. But when it is said that you must adorn your faith to the praise of God, and sins are rebuked, no one wants to hear anything more. In towns everywhere, people distinguish among preachers. “This one is a fine preacher, who talks about grace and mercy; and what is even finer, he does not scold anyone or frighten people.” That is the way people commonly talk and act. If he does rebuke [sins], they undertake to have him removed.

Therefore, many [of these preachers] have returned to us. When you are scolded as a usurer, adulterer, or whatever kind of swine you are, or [it is said] that a peasant, a townsman, or a nobleman is godless, no one will suffer that. “But if I am a usurer, adulterer, swindler, and [the preacher] does not scold me, ah, what a pious man he is!”

[Are you] really righteous because I [do not] rebuke your vices? Then let the devil be [your] preacher. If I see peasants, townsmen, noblemen and do not chastise them, then I will go to the devil along with you. For [God says in] Ezekiel 3 [:18]: “I will require [their] blood at your [hands],” and they themselves will go to the devil. You shall give an account of yourself. I will not be responsible for that in the hour of death or of judgment. Rather, I shall declare what is contrary to the commandment, and then if you do not obey, you do it at your own peril. – Martin Luther, on 7 June, 1545.