The Bee Stings the Crazy Charismatics

Local Pentecostal Amy Denton is reportedly tired of clarifying that she is not “one of those weird Charismatics” any time someone finds out she is Pentecostal, sources close to her confirmed Wednesday.

Whenever Denton has a conversation with a Christian from a different background, she immediately must clarify that she does not participate in snake handling, ribbon dancing, Spirit slayings, holy laughter, or any of the other bizarre rituals that have characterized much of the extremes of the Charismatic movement.

“I don’t even own a shofar,” an exasperated Denton recently told a Reformed sister in Christ who had asked her about all the “strange fire” that goes on in her church. “We just believe that all the gifts of the Spirit mentioned in the New Testament are active and available today.”

Denton also went on record to state that she does not watch the Trinity Broadcasting Network and further believes that prominent faith healers and prosperity preachers like Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Copeland, and Benny Hinn are false teachers.

At publishing time, Denton admitted that she does raise her hands during worship time.

Come on, man. They’re all weird.