The Bee Stings Shallow ‘Conversions’

According to sources close to the local man, 32-year-old Peter Neilsen finally came to accept Jesus Christ as his personal butler at a midweek church service.

Neilsen wrestled for years with God’s call to salvation, and finally received the Lord of all creation as his personal servant Thursday, the sources confirmed.

“I’ve fought it for so long,” he said, “but I can no longer resist the call of the God of my imagination, who will serve me and work hard to make all my dreams come true. I know He will always be there for me, and has promised to solve all my first-world problems and make my life happy, healthy, and wealthy.”

The man further stated he had reservations about following Jesus based on popular misconceptions of the Christian life that suggested discipleship might be a long, difficult road, but his misgivings were put to rest at the midweek altar call in which the pastor assured him that Jesus would help him to fulfill his life purpose.

“I can’t wait to start my Christian life on easy street, with Jesus at my beck and call,” the smiling man said.

Their name is Legion.