The Bee Stings Furtick’s Self Aggrandizing Ways

Sources within Elevation Church, who noted that “he was really on fire,” have confirmed that Pastor Steven Furtick preached a long, moving sermon last Sunday which was entirely about how good he was preaching.

Man I’m preaching good today,” he is said to have begun, before repeating several slightly-modified versions of the same statement and pumping his fist in the air.

“Whew! I’m preaching good!” he continued to explain to rousing applause. “Lord Jesus, I don’t know why they’re all being so quiet, because I know I’m preaching good right now! C’mon, somebody!”

As he went on to exegete his feelings about how good he was preaching, he revealed that he wasn’t sure everyone quite understood how good he was preaching, before instructing each person present to repeat to him that he was, indeed, preaching good, as he ran through the aisles yelling.

“Turn to your neighbor and say ‘Pastor Steven’s really preaching good’ seven times right now,” he then instructed his congregation once back at the pulpit, adding that they should then turn to their other neighbor and repeat the same phrase 77 times. “Now touch 3 people and say ‘Pastor Steven is preaching so good’ 777 times!” he demanded, to wild cheers.

At publishing time, an inside source confirmed that the sermon resulted in 39 commitments to Elevation Church.

39 of those were shills planted by Furtick to boost his numbers.

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