The Bee Stings the Angry Agnostics

This Easter weekend, millions of people around the world will affirm their sacred belief that the resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth around 30 A.D. in Jerusalem was an elaborate hoax pulled off by a few poor fisherman.

Speaking to reporters, one man explained how his belief that Jesus did not actually rise from the dead is foundational to his life. “At this time of year, my hope lies in my strong faith that the historical narratives and numerous eyewitness accounts of the risen Christ were in fact just part of the largest trick ever pulled off in the history of mankind.”

“Without my faith that it was all actually a vast, intricate fabrication carried out for unclear reasons, I don’t know where I’d be right now,” he added.

Pressed about the logic behind his beliefs—how feasible it would be for a few commoners to convince so many others about something so sensational without anyone bothering to fact-check the details or question local eyewitnesses, or how much sense it makes to believe that the disciples would suffer brutal, tortuous deaths and watch others be martyred for a hoax they knew to be false and gained nothing from—he smiled at reporters and replied, “You just have to have more faith.”

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