And so didst Jesus saith to themeth beforeth he didst ascendeth out of earshot- go into all the world and hand out prom dresses and free gas cards and pizza and party favors for, lo, the Gospel in and of itselfeth is not sufficient and thou mustest bribe them into the Kingdom of God with glitz and glamour.
And behold, the disciples were sore amazed and Peter didst say to Jesus- nuh uh. That ain’t right yo.
And Jesus, as he faded out of sight saidst yeah no kidding but do you think people in 21st century American churches want to hear the Gospel? No, for by then it will be entertainment that they crave and prom dresses and gas cards and pizza. For beholdeth, America is consumedst in that dayeth with materialism and when the Son of Man returns he won’t find faith there.
And the disciples wept and Thomas didst say as Jesus faded out of sight… So we’re really going to sacrifice everything and they’ll sacrifice nothing…. And Peter didst go fishing.