Daily Archives: 12 Mar 2017

Dear People Who Have ‘Left The Church Because _________________’

No one cares about your self involved reasons when we all know the real reason you left the Church:  it didn’t do things they way you wanted it to, so like a toddler you picked up your junk and went crying home to mommy that your friends wouldn’t play the game you wanted to.

As John says, ‘if they were of us they would have remained with us.  But to make it clear that they didn’t really belong to us, they departed from us.’

Why Are Some Christians More Comfortable With Warfare than Welfare?

It’s amazing when Christians complain about their tax dollars being used to help provide health care for the poor, but these same Christians never utter a word of complaint when their tax dollars are used for warfare. For them, welfare is bad but warfare is good. So I am forced to ask- where is Christ in that?

These same Christian oppose abortion, as do I, but seem to fail to understand that you can kill folk by withholding health care just as well as you can by perpetrating abortion.  The end result is the same- death.

Let Those Who Have Ears, Hear

‘Write to the angel of the church in Laodicea and say, “Here is the message of the Amen, the trustworthy, the true witness, the Principle of God’s creation: 

I know about your activities: how you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were one or the other,  but since you are neither hot nor cold, but only lukewarm, I will spit you out of my mouth.  You say to yourself: I am rich, I have made a fortune and have everything I want, never realising that you are wretchedly and pitiably poor, and blind and naked too. 

I warn you, buy from me the gold that has been tested in the fire to make you truly rich, and white robes to clothe you and hide your shameful nakedness, and ointment to put on your eyes to enable you to see.  I reprove and train those whom I love: so repent in real earnest.

Look, I am standing at the door, knocking. If one of you hears me calling and opens the door, I will come in to share a meal at that person’s side.  Anyone who proves victorious I will allow to share my throne, just as I have myself overcome and have taken my seat with my Father on his throne. 

Let anyone who can hear, listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches.” ‘ — (Rev. 3:14ff)

Mennonites aren’t the Only Ones… Just ask the Baptists, the Lutherans, the Methodists, and all the Rest

Mennonite churches across North America were half full this morning as thousands of church-goers slept in due to the time change.

“My first thought, as it always is whenever attendance is low was, ‘oh, crap, it’s the rapture and here I am still on Earth,’” said Pastor Greg Preiss of Goshen. “I immediately began combing the scriptures to figure out the error in my theology and why I was left behind.”

After a frantic Bible study for about an hour or so, suddenly dozens of people showed up at church.

“Mrs. Hartzler? Mr. and Mrs. Fellmann? It’s so lovely to see you. I thought you all had been raptured!” exclaimed Pastor Greg. “Oh, and look who it is! Little Timothy Krehbiel and his mommy. I thought you two were gone to be with the Lord!”

By the time the service was over the sanctuary was nearly full, although Pastor Greg still suspects there may have been a rapture because the Schwartzendruber family didn’t show up at all.

“I always thought they were a pretty righteous family,” said Pastor Greg. “I’m happy for them. It’s just too bad for the rest of us.”

In other news, the Schwartzendruber family minivan was spotted trapped in heavy traffic at about 11:30 this morning.

Demons Are Real: And they Are Sometimes Disguised as Canadian Mothers

A Canadian woman has been sentenced to life in prison after pleading guilty to the murder of her nine-year-old daughter.

Laura Coward was arrested in Alberta, Canada, in August 2014, two days after her daughter Amber Lucius was reported missing. At the time Ms Coward’s divorce from Amber’s father, Duane Lucius, had just been finalised. Mr Lucius was to take full custody of the child.  Ms Coward, who had told friends she was taking Amber stargazing, instead took her daughter to a remote location where she gave her prescription sleeping pills. She then set her SUV on fire, with Amber inside.

The burnt-out vehicle was later discovered by a police officer who found a handwritten note on the outside of the driver’s door reading: “Help me. It was an accident. Locked keys in.”  Following an autopsy, Amber is understood to have died of a combination of hypothermia, smoke inhalation and carbon monoxide poisoning.

Calgary judge Justice Scott Brooker, presiding, told the court that the sentence should reflect “society’s disgust and outrage.”  “Amber was completely vulnerable to and trusting of her mother,” he added. “It was the ultimate betrayal and breach of trust for Ms. Coward to kill her daughter.”  Ms Coward will be eligible to apply for parole in 18 years.

Canada needs the death penalty.