Daily Archives: 17 Feb 2017
by Carl Nellis, Associate Editor
‘It was impossible to establish the lay people in any truth, except the Scripture were laid before their eyes in their mother tongue.’
—William Tyndale 
The story of printing from the invention of Gutenberg’s press in 1450 to the work of the Reformers has been told and retold in every subsequent generation. This year, celebrations commemorating Luther’s bold act in Wittenberg in 1517 lead us to consider the whole period of the Reformation and the long legacy of that work we inherit today.
In particular, we at Hendrickson Publishers look back to the Reformation as the early period where our own trade began to take shape, as publishers of thoughtful Christian books and, especially, as Bible publishers.
Sixteenth-century printers and publishers played a key role in the cultural shifts that made Luther’s choices possible and powerful. As Patricia Anders, Hendrickson’s editorial director, noted in
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A new online wedding registry will allow same-sex couples to choose which Christian florist they plan to sue and permanently put out of business as they celebrate their union.
Because, let’s face it, what’s your ‘big day’ about besides forcing people you don’t know to provide services for you they don’t want to?
The registry, called ASSIMIL8, provides gay couples with a list of business owners whose privately held personal beliefs may reflect traditional Christian views on marriage. The excited fiancés can then pick whose lives they want to totally destroy with a lengthy and frivolous lawsuit, as they anticipate their cheerful nuptials.
In lieu of wedding gifts, friends and family can participate in the joyful celebration by contributing to the expensive legal fees required to completely trash a random stranger’s life and force them into bankruptcy.
“We can think of no better way to start our new life together then to utterly ruin the livelihood of a local businessperson based on their religious beliefs,” said one happy couple. “It’s a perfect way to honor the love and acceptance represented by marriage.”
Once the couple has selected the target business they wish to annihilate, the website then offers a much longer list of convenient florists who are more than happy to service their ceremony.
According to an ASSIMIL8 spokesperson, they are expanding their registry to include Christian bakers this summer.
Clergy will be added next year.
Local Catholic dimwit Elton Price admitted to friends today that he had absolutely no clue that ashes used during Ash Wednesday Masses came from cremated pets. The parish ignoramus, who up until last week didn’t even know that Catholics worship Mary, thought that ashes actually came from branches used in the prior year’s Palm Sunday services, one friends reported to EOTT.
“Elton has never been the sharpest tool in the shed,” longtime friend Richard Tower said. “One time I saw him reading the Bible and I had to stop him and tell him that the Church suppresses Catholics from reading it. I remember him being really confused about this and asking me why we as Christians weren’t allowed to read it. I simply reminded him that we’re Catholics, not Christians. Big difference there.”
Tower went on to point out a few other instances where Price proved himself to be a complete moron, including the time [Price] did not know that the Pope is at all times infallible and impeccable, or that Constantine, not Jesus, actually invented the Catholic Church. At press time, Tower has taken away Price’s science text book, reminding him that science is “Satan’s bible.”
Suddenly, for some reason, I’m thinking of adopting Ash Wednesday as one of my favorite holidays.