The Bee Stings, and Scorches, All The Precious Rachel Held Evans-ettes

Shelby Adamson, a sophomore in Civil Engineering at The Georgia Institute of Technology, confirmed today that she had reached the exact level of embarrassment over her Christian faith to meet the approval of her non-believing friends.

Adamson explained to sources how she, after realizing her shame level had dipped too low in recent months, began to regularly pepper her conversations with disparaging remarks about her church’s stances on several key social issues, while upping the amount of jokes regarding her denomination’s past disapproval of activities like dancing and drinking.

“It’s good to know that a religious person like Shelby can get along with normal people,” fellow student Tina Alvarez commented, following a conversation in which Adamson agreed that Christians are “deluded and extreme, totally” if they interpret the Book of Genesis to mean that God literally created the world in six 24-hour days.

Alvarez, who has self-identified as “not really religious, but definitely spiritual,” admitted feeling much more comfortable around Christians who are visibly embarrassed about their faith, and confirmed to sources that Adamson had indeed recently returned to a satisfactory embarrassment level.

At publishing time, Adamson was brainstorming ways she could stay right in the sweet spot of shame over her Christianity, noting that she’ll probably transition soon from mocking her faith’s stance on homosexuality to mocking her faith’s stance on gender roles.

Rachel Held Evans-ettes, you’ve been served.

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