The Bee Stings Trump’s Immorality

During his Sunday interview with 60 Minutes, president-elect Donald Trump revealed that he has arranged to be sworn into the White House on January 20 on a copy of Playboy Magazine, rather than the traditional Bible as most past presidents have done.

Sources were able to confirm that he plans to use the March 1990 issue of the magazine, with Trump himself of the cover, on which he will swear while delivering the sacred oath of office to the nation.

“Tremendous magazine, Playboy. The best magazine. It’s got beautiful women in it. I love beautiful women,” President-elect Trump told reporter Leslie Stahl in the interview.

“The Bible—look, we all know I love the Bible, but to be honest with you, it’s a little boring. No pictures. It talks about women, some, but no pictures,” Trump continued. He further stated that the raunchy pornographic magazine lined up more closely with his values than the Bible, which “has some real nasty things to say about me.”

White House transitional teams confirmed the news, and further stated Trump’s inauguration will include an open bar, craps tables, and go-go dancers.

If he could, he would, because those are just a few of his favorite things.

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