America- Pay Heed – We Must Never Forget…

Zurich Bible 1525
Zurich Bible 1525

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful;  it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends; as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For our knowledge is imperfect and our prophecy is imperfect; but when the perfect comes, the imperfect will pass away.

When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall understand fully, even as I have been fully understood.  So faith, hope, love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. — (1 Cor. 13:1-13)

The Bee Stings the Idiocy of ‘Worship Moanings’

The Rising Church music school has raised up hundreds of worship leaders and musicians, but the institution is reportedly kicking things up a notch with a new course load designed to help vocalists belt out nonsensical ad libs in between a song’s actual lyrics.

According to Troy French, the school’s director, the classes were added after churches reported a great need for worship leaders to hum, wail, and mumble various melodic sounds, words, and phrases during musical interludes.

“What we were finding is that many worship leaders just sang the songs as printed on the music sheets,” French told reporters at a worship summit. “Not a single random ‘Oh thank you Jesus’ or ‘Yes Lord, oh yes my sweet Jesus’ during a musical crescendo or anything.”

“But we’re addressing this grave problem with a barrage of instructional courses meant to teach worship leaders the art of perfectly ad-libbing arbitrary lyrics throughout a song, for the edification of the believers.”

French further stated that the new courses will address common questions about ad-libbing like “How much is too much?”, “How can I get that super spiritual look while ad-libbling?” and “How can I keep the congregation on their toes?”

“We expect God to do great things as our worship leaders and backup vocalists alike ad lib erratically throughout their worship songs.”

#HymnsAreBetterThanWorshipSongs

2016 Isn’t Over Yet… There’s Still More That Can Happen…

Still digesting the fact that Donald Trump has been elected President of the United States in just the latest of a seemingly endless string of inexplicable and bizarre events to have taken place this year, human beings across the planet report that they are “keeping one eye on the heavens,” nervously wondering what God has in store for the rest of 2016.

“Brexit. Harambe. Pokémon GO. The Cubs won the World Series. Donald Trump became president-elect. What could possibly be next?” one visibly uneasy man from Chicago told reporters. “Do we really still have a month and a half of 2016 to go?”

His alarm was shared by people across the globe, sources confirmed.

“I know his ways are higher than our ways, but I’ll be honest—I’m praying for a break in the action,” one woman from the UK said. “Now, if anyone needs me, I’ll be at home repenting and snuggling my Bible.”

An elderly gentleman from Australia echoed the sentiment, saying “God has really thrown us some curveballs this year. And things keep getting crazier and crazier by the month,” adding that he plans on spending the weekend “getting his affairs in order,” preparing for Christ’s imminent return before December 31st.

Yup.  What’s next?