I Wish, Bee… I Wish

Explaining that she waited as long as possible before firing, 700 Club co-host Terry Meeuwsen was nevertheless forced to tranquilize Pat Robertson once again during a taping for the show on Monday afternoon.

“It happened during the Q&A segment,” Meeuwsen explained to reporters. “A question came over from an elderly man about leaving his Alzheimer’s-ridden wife for one of her younger sisters. As you know, we’ve been down this road in the past, but that was before we had implemented our now-active Emergency Tranquilization Procedure.”

“So I saw Pat’s eyes glaze over a bit, like they do when he’s about to say something laughably un-Christian and generally horrific, and when he looked down, sneered, and slowly began to shake his head before offering his answer, I knew I had no choice. I grabbed the Terminator 48-inch, 40-caliber blowgun stored under my desk, raised it quickly, and fired one tranquilizer dart into his neck, effectively delivering the barbiturate and incapacitating him almost instantly.”

“Just like I said after last Friday’s incident: I do not enjoy having to put him down like this,” Meeuwsen added. “But believe me, it’s better than the alternative.”

Someone needs to do it for real.

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