Speaking to reporters on Wednesday, television personality Bill Nye announced his plans to spend the evening of Halloween roaming his upscale Los Angeles neighborhood dressed as an actual scientist.
“I’ve always wanted to be a real scientist, and I have the perfect costume,” said Nye, best known for playing the title role on the 1990’s Saturday morning children’s program Bill Nye The Science Guy. “I already have a lab coat and bow tie that make me look super science-y.” Nye told reporters he plans to enhance his costume by carrying copies of scientific journal articles, with his name substituted as the real author. “Aren’t these so lifelike?” he enthusiastically exclaimed. “They make me look like I’ve actually published serious peer-reviewed scientific research articles.”
The television personalty also confirmed that he will bring along some honorary doctorate degrees bestowed upon him by several universities. “These fake degrees look so authentic, they would make anyone seem like a legitimate scientific scholar committed to open-minded inquiry.” “I’ll have to be careful what I say that night,” he added. “My costume is so convincing, people might believe that my personal opinions about a multitude of topics are actual scientific facts.”
When asked if he plans to spend any time on Halloween launching misinformed, condescending attacks on people who disagree with him politically or philosophically, he replied, “No, that’s not something a real scientist would do.”
Bill Nye is to science what Dr Phil is to psychiatry and Joel Osteen to theology.