Zwinglius Redivivus

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The Bee Doesn’t Just Sting, It Napalms Jerry Falwell Jr

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Jerry Falwell, Jr., President of Liberty University, announced at a Thursday press conference plans for the upcoming Trump Liberty Casino, to be located on campus to serve students and faculty.

Located adjacent to the school’s beloved multi-purpose building, The Vines Center, the impressive Trump Liberty Casino will boast over 1000 gaming machines and 35 table games, while offering a convenient, direct connection to Liberty’s Business Office. “Students will have the opportunity to hit it big playing craps and then pay off their tuition, all in one place—all while supporting President Donald J. Trump and Liberty University, and experiencing our state-of-the-art gaming floor, dozens of generous table games, and fine membership benefits,” announced Falwell, Jr., who noted that the mogul and the Christian university will be splitting gaming income “right down the middle.”

The school’s alcohol policy will even be relaxed from “zero tolerance” to “don’t ask, don’t tell” within the walls of the casino, opening up another line of revenue, according to sources.

Asked about restrictive Virginia gambling laws which currently prohibit casinos in the state, Falwell stressed that the planned opening date is early next year, after the November elections. “Trump will be in office by then, and he promised me he will totally take care of all that stuff.”

Brilliantly scathing.

Written by Jim

15/09/2016 at 5:20 pm

Posted in Modern Culture

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