After reviewing a local teenage girl’s Tumblr blog, the American Psychological Association confirmed Tuesday morning that “tater tots” is now a distinct and definable gender, and should be afforded the same protections that the other 43,492 genders currently enjoy.
The findings came as doctors on the board of the APA were alerted to local Tumblr user Katniss Sprinkle, who had made the announcement just one week prior that she no longer identified as a human girl but rather felt her gender most closely aligned with that of the fried, grated potato dish popular at school cafeterias.
“I just don’t feel comfortable calling my biologically female self a female any longer,” the brave young tater tot said in an interview over Snapchat as she applied a goofy filter to make herself look like a bumble bee. “My emotions are the best judge of my reality, and they’re telling me I’m a dish of fried potatoes—so lay off me, binary cishets.”
“And go kill yourselves too, while you’re at it,” Sprinkle finished before her mom called her downstairs to finish her pre-algebra homework.
At publishing time, the APA was again adjusting its list of genders, as Sprinkle had reportedly announced her new gender identification as a washing machine.
It’s funny because it’s true. People really are that unhinged.