Looking to save a few bucks on their Sunday morning formal wear, tens of thousands of trendy worship leaders and worship band members lined up outside American Apparel retail locations across the country Thursday morning for the company’s annual end-of-summer v-neck sale.
“What I’m really looking for is something flowy,” Atticus Ryder of Austin Evangelical Free Fellowship told reporters as he sat waiting for his local store to open while picking out a Nirvana riff on his guitar. “I think a long, flowing neckline really calls to mind the priestly garments of old, and helps remind the people of our identity as a holy priesthood.”
Other worship leaders were looking for something more daring, as a worship leader known simply as “Blaze” reported he was interested in finding a v-neck that ended just north of his belly button. “My style is representative of my authenticity—I’ve got nothing to hide. I’m wide open,” Blaze said before continuing to work on a Phil Wickham piece on his harmonica.
At publishing time, American Apparel retail stores were bracing for even more foot activity, as the company’s website had crashed due to the overwhelming traffic load reportedly originating from ministry-heavy areas around the country.
They are a ghastly lot. May their tribe perish.