The Bee Stings the Doctrineless Pastor

After a parishioner at Riptide Church pointed out Sunday that Pastor Jake Huber’s sermon wandered outside the bounds of orthodoxy and seemed to contradict several of the key points of the church’s statement of faith, the pastor expressed disbelief that such a document existed, sources reported.

“A statement of what? Faith? I mean—what would be the point of that? I don’t think it exists,” Huber was heard saying to the church member, an incredulous expression on his face. “As long as we believe that Jesus changes everything, I think that’s more than enough doctrine for us to agree on.”

When the church member then pulled up the detailed statement of faith on his phone, containing a list of doctrines the church agrees with and affirms, the pastor reportedly couldn’t have been more surprised. “Whoa—I mean whoa. I’d heard about stuff like this in seminary, but I thought that was old church history.”

Pastor Jake reportedly proceeded to scroll through the document, asking his wife what some of the bigger words like “infallible,” “inspired,” and “authoritative” meant.

He must have graduated from Harvard Divinity or Yale if he didn’t know what doctrine was…