The Bee Stings Pentebabbleist Fakery

The young man was expected to begin speaking in heavenly languages as a verifiable seal of his salvation beginning around age six—but after much disappointment and many years of faith, prayer, perseverance, and practice mimicking the adults he observed at his charismatic church each Sunday, local teen Lewis Strahan, 16, has finally been blessed with the gift of faking tongues.

“Though he excelled early at describing intricate, wild fantasies as ‘visions from the Lord’ and ‘prophecies,’ it took Lewis forever to understand the proper way to feign speaking in tongues,” Strahan’s mother told reporters Wednesday. “He would be able to execute a half dozen solid syllables but then he would just repeat them over and over and over—it sounded totally forced and inauthentic.”

“Plus, the tongue roll has been tripping him up for years,” she added.

Strahan’s father confirmed the struggle young Lewis has fought through. “He was all vowels for so long. It sounded like an opera or something. We’re just glad he’s mastered this now, finally, so we can be sure of his salvation.”

At publishing time, Strahan had begun to practice his next big challenge: being “slain in the Spirit.”

All one can say to that is shambalala shumbayahaya

I Can’t Believe it, But the Bee Knows About AAR!!!!

Lookie here!

An intense one-day women’s conference on self-esteem and belonging has left local woman Jeanette Robinson convicted to her core of how awesome she is, sources confirmed.

“Everything I held dear, before this, I am now counting as garbage,” a sobbing Robinson told reporters Thursday. “I can’t believe I went so long in life with this blind spot, unable to see the light of how incredible of a person I am, and how much God needs me on His team.”

“As I turn my eyes upon how important I really am in the grand scheme of things, everything else looks, well—strangely dim,” Robinson went on, a twinkle in her eye as she updated her Twitter profile to reflect her newfound faith.”

Reports from those close to Robinson also indicate the newly changed woman has been in deep thought and prayer since her return, as she continually seeks to reorient her priorities now that she realizes that it truly is all about her.

“As the Apostle says, I now count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing how special and wonderful I am.”

AAR in a nut shell!

Les perdants: Pierre Caroli et les débuts de la Réforme en Romandie, by Reinhard Bodenmann

dIS-9782503567907-1I was thrilled to find in the mail today the very new book by my friend Reinhard Bodenmann of the University of Zurich and one of the chief editors of the Bullinger Correspondence titled Les perdants: Pierre Caroli et les débuts de la Réforme en Romandie.

En présentant le parcours sinueux du docteur de la Sorbonne Pierre Caroli, ce livre permet de découvrir bien d’autres individus dont les croyances et les pratiques religieuses, aussi bien privées que communautaires, ne s’imposèrent finalement ni dans le catholicisme, ni dans le protestantisme.  Le docteur de la Sorbonne Pierre Caroli, sympathisant de la réforme catholique de Meaux étouffée en 1525 par la Sorbonne et le chancelier de France Antoine Duprat, n’était à l’aise ni dans son Eglise, ni dans les Eglises de la Réforme où il s’était réfugié au début de l’année 1535, suite à l’affaire des Placards d’octobre 1534. Ses va-et-vient entre les partis religieux lui valurent de nombreux ennemis. Alors qu’il put un temps compter sur le soutien de la reine Marguerite de Navarre, des cardinaux François de Tournon et François Guillem de Castelnau de Clermont-Lodève, ou des réformateurs Jean Le Comte, Antoine Marcourt et Thomas Malingre, il s’aliéna les bonnes grâces des ténors de la Réforme en Romandie, à savoir celles de Guillaume Farel, de Pierre Viret et de Jean Calvin. En s’appuyant sur des sources d’époque, l’auteur précise la personnalité et les étapes de vie de Caroli et parvient à établir que ce dernier ne fut certainement pas un athée, n’en déplaise à Farel et à Calvin. Le rêve prématuré (partagé d’ailleurs avec Erasme) d’une réforme qui s’opérerait au sein de son Eglise d’origine, des concours malheureux de circonstances et certains aspects de son caractère expliquent bien son destin difficile.
Thank you, Reinhard!  I’m starting it now!