The Bee Stings Silly Newly Formed ‘Progressive Christians’

Shaking her head in saddened disgust, newly-progressive Christian Jane Summers sits stunned, once again, staring at her screen after a Facebook argument, shocked at the “intolerance” of fellow Christians still perversely holding on to beliefs about issues like sex and gender which she abandoned at least three or four months ago.

Referring to the opinions she held only last semester, sources report that Summers declared Monday, “I’m absolutely disgusted. I can’t believe I used to think like these folks, back when I was a foolish bigot. I’ve evolved and moved on to embrace the truth—why can’t they? When will the hate stop?”

Her disappointment with fellow Christians isn’t confined to the internet, however. Describing a recent incident with her 84-year-old grandmother, Summers was incredulous. “I simply can’t believe Mammy would be so insensitive and backwards as to misgender Caitlyn Jenner. I sent her that Buzzfeed article on proper pronouns that changed my mind, but she still seemed skeptical. I don’t get it!”

In frustration, Summers took to Twitter under her new handle “@Ally4LyfeGirl” to reaffirm her commitment to the cause, writing, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem!!! #StopTheHate”.

These newborn ‘progressives’ are a hoot.  We all know them.  Some of them even blog.