Monthly Archives: August 2016

The Carnival Cometh!

At midnight plus 1 minute!

AAR’s Interpretive Dance Squad Is Getting Ready for San Antonio

aar

The 2017 Dungan Lecture at the University of Tennessee

FEBRUARY 16

Thursday at 5.30 pm at Cox Auditorium
David L. Dungan Memorial Lecture
Professor Dale Martin, Yale University
“Sexual(Im)morality in Early Christianity”

A Conversation You’ll Never Overhear At Your Local Walmart

The following will never be something you overhear at Walmart for reasons that are obvious to everyone:

  • 10 year old girl1: Mommy, I have cheerleader2 practice tonight at 6.
  • Mom: You can’t make it tonight honey, we have something else to do.
  • 10 year old:  What’s more important than cheer???
  • Mom: Midweek Prayer service at Church.
  • 10 year old: Oh mom, that’s right.  I forgot.  I can’t wait to be with my Church friends.  We have a lot more fun than we do at cheer practice.
  • Mom: Your daddy and I love our Bible Study group.  Comeon honey, we need to get home and get ready.
  • 10 year old: Let’s get dinner from Taco Bell!
  • Mom: Let’s!

_____________________
1 Substitute any age child you wish and either sex
2 Substitute any sport or activity

Twitter Misprisions: Or, How Journalists Should Stop Pretending to Be Historians

Don’t you hate it when modern American journalists take an attitude of superiority towards ancient cultures and peoples and accuse them of ‘strangeness’ only because they neither live in ancient times nor understand ancient cultures but instead want to superimpose modern views onto ancient peoples?

sigh

I do.

There wouldn’t have been anyone in ancient Israel that would have seen their attitudes towards sexual matters as ‘strange’.  They would, though, see as strange the flood of pornography, beastiality, pedophilia, homosexuality, and various other sexual behaviors and deviancies presently lapping at our culture’s shores.

Here’s an idea: hows about not impugning the long dead with anachronistic evaluations.  How about we try that for a while, journalists.

The Bee Stings The ‘But Jesus Never Said Anything About That’ Mob

Want to know what I’m incredibly tired of? Christians speaking out against felony home invasion. I’ll never understand why self-described “followers of Christ” feel so comfortable rallying around a topic that Jesus never even mentioned.

Can you name one single time Jesus specifically addressed this issue? No, you can’t.

If you disagree with me, then by all means, point in your Bible to the verse where Jesus explicitly says, “Do not engage in either first, second, or third degree home invasion.”

Please, show me the verse where Jesus says, “Do not forcefully enter the house of another with the intent to commit a felony, larceny, or assault once inside.”

Or just save yourself the time, because those verses are nowhere to be found.

Jesus said a lot of things, but He obviously saw felony home invasion as a non-issue. But that certainly doesn’t stop millions and millions of hypocritical Christians from cutting-and-pasting other things He said in order to form a haphazard theology, based on their own personal prejudices and fears, that discriminates against career home invaders and seeks to deprive them of rights essential to their being.

Shame on you!

You call yourselves followers of Jesus, but you speak out against home invaders? Jesus never said ANYTHING about felony home invasion!

But guess what? Here are a few things Jesus really DID say:

  • “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you.” –Luke 6:28
  • “From one who takes away your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.” –Luke 6:29
  • “From one who takes away your goods do not demand them back.” –Luke 6:30

Extremely inconvenient verses for anti-home-invaders, wouldn’t you say? These words imply that, if anything, Jesus was in favor of felony home invasion.

For those Christians who are still stuck on this issue, here’s another thing Jesus said: “Judge not.”

If you claim to be a Christian yet you judge home invaders, you need to take a long, hard look in your Bible—and then a long, hard look in the mirror.

Signs of the Times

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Karl Barth: He Wasn’t a Universalist Like Origen. He Was Worse

brunner83Karl Barth has been charged with teaching Universalism. When he denies this he is not altogether wrong. He knows too much about the not particularly illustrious theologians who have taught this doctrine of Apokatastasis in Christian history to be willing to allow himself to be numbered among them. “The Church ought not to preach Apokatastasis” (p. 529). Thus Barth’s doctrine is not that of Origen and his followers.  Rather, Barth goes much further. For none of them ever dared to maintain that through Jesus Christ, all, believers and unbelievers, are saved from the wrath of God and participate in redemption through Jesus Christ. But that is what Karl Barth teaches.  — Emil Brunner

Our Translation of Zwingli’s “Implementation” Has Made it to the Library of Congress

loc

You can get a copy of the booklet here.

The Bee Stings the Doctrineless Pastor

After a parishioner at Riptide Church pointed out Sunday that Pastor Jake Huber’s sermon wandered outside the bounds of orthodoxy and seemed to contradict several of the key points of the church’s statement of faith, the pastor expressed disbelief that such a document existed, sources reported.

“A statement of what? Faith? I mean—what would be the point of that? I don’t think it exists,” Huber was heard saying to the church member, an incredulous expression on his face. “As long as we believe that Jesus changes everything, I think that’s more than enough doctrine for us to agree on.”

When the church member then pulled up the detailed statement of faith on his phone, containing a list of doctrines the church agrees with and affirms, the pastor reportedly couldn’t have been more surprised. “Whoa—I mean whoa. I’d heard about stuff like this in seminary, but I thought that was old church history.”

Pastor Jake reportedly proceeded to scroll through the document, asking his wife what some of the bigger words like “infallible,” “inspired,” and “authoritative” meant.

He must have graduated from Harvard Divinity or Yale if he didn’t know what doctrine was…

A Lawyer Worthy of A Dilly, and a Journalist Too

This one will strike you as doubly dilettantish.  Because… a lawyer is claiming a polygamous Mormon is missing and may have been a victim of the ‘rapture’… and a journalist labels belief in the ‘rapture’ a ‘Christian belief’ without any qualification of any sort-

The FBI thinks that Lyle Jeffs, the polygamist religious leader accused in a multimillion-dollar food stamp scheme, disappeared from house arrest this summer by coating his ankle monitor in olive oil and sliding it off.  That explanation may fly with nonbelievers, but in court documents filed last week, Jeffs’ attorney has put forth a divine reason for his disappearance — the miracle of rapture:

As this Court is well aware, Mr. Jeffs is currently not available to inform his counsel whether or not he agrees to the Continuance. Whether his absence is based on absconding, as oft alleged by the Government in their filings, or whether he was taken and secreted against his will, or whether he experienced the miracle of rapture is unknown to counsel.

Rapture, for the uninitiated, is the Christian belief that during the second coming of Christ, the holy will be whisked away to heaven.

Yeah, no it’s not.  The notion of a ‘rapture’ is a 19th century fantasy invented by dispensationalists who twisted the Biblical text more than a woman getting her hair permed has it twisted.  So not only does the lawyer get a dilly, so does the journalist.  Congrats to the both of you.

dilly-the-dilettante

A Crossley Essay You’ll Want to Read

By What Authority Are You Doing These Things? A Brief History of the Bible in English Political Discourse from Margaret Thatcher to Jeremy Corbyn

Crossley

This article looks at how the Bible has been understood and constructed in English political discourse over the past forty years. It looks at how emerging neoliberalism and the social changes of the 1960s contributed to Margaret Thatcher’s influential construction of the Bible as a source of authority for her brand of economics. This laid the template for dominant understandings of the Bible which were aided (often unintentionally) through pop cultural trends. Tony Blair added social liberalism (especially in relation to gender and sexuality) to Thatcher’s Bible which was in turn accepted by David Cameron. During this consolidation of the neoliberal Bible, the radical Bible associated with the Left of the Labour Party was squeezed out of parliamentary discourse. The economic crash of 2008, however, has produced two competing discourses surrounding the Bible in party-political discourse: a Cameron-led intensified version of Thatcher’s Bible and a Corbyn-led return of the radical Bible.

Apparently My Commentary is on the index librorum prohibitorum

Who knew.  Anyway- this appears in the syllabus of a biblical studies course at a Papist institution:

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Can you think of a better endorsement?  I can’t!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s Commentary Tuesday!

When people ask me which commentary series I recommend, I point them to these:

the-person-the-pew-commentary-series

The books can be obtained by the usual route  or, you can just buy the PDF’s from yours truly for a paltry $199 by clicking my PayPal Link.  It’s that simple.

The Commentary is comprised of 42 individual volumes and all together are available in electronic format for $199. But not everyone is interested in every book of the Bible so after having received a number of requests for individual volumes in the series I’ve decided to offer any single volume for $5.

If you bought each volume individually it would cost $210 for the entire series in electronic form at $5 each, so it still makes sense to buy the whole. But I’m happy to send each volume individually for those who prefer it.

Just paypal me $5 and tell me which you wish. If you want two or three simply multiply each volume by $5. And please remember, volumes are for your personal use only. Distributing them to others is copyright infringement and quite frankly, theft.

Thankfully, The Future of the Church isn’t In the Hands of the Millennials…

Instead, it is, as it always has been, in the hands of God its Lord.  The Millennials may have no place in their lives for anything beyond self, but they will parent a generation which finds their parent’s selfishness simultaneously repulsive and worthy of overturning.

The mature children and grand children of the Millennials will return to core values and the center of those core values will be faith in Christ and participation in his community.

In sum, the 2050’s will resemble the 1950’s (in terms of selflessness)(just as the 1950’s resembled the 1850’s)- and the pendulum will have by then swung back to sanity.

Mark Burns Apologized For His Racist Tweet…

And removed the tweet.  But he should know, once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it can’t be put back in.  His tweet is a moral failure and a black pastor should know better than to post racist rubbish.

racist

Various Of Zwingli’s More Important Works in the Internet Archive

That’s just a small sampling.  Many more volumes are accessible at the Internet Archive.

Santa Won’t Be Visiting Your Home This Year…

He has no means of transport.

An official from the Norwegian Nature Inspectorate (Statens naturoppsyn – NNI) was on a routine inspection on Friday when he walked into an area where dead reindeer were lying close together on the ground.  A total of 323 of the animals were confirmed dead and it is believed that the flock was struck by lightning when a powerful storm passed through Telemark.  “They were lying there dead in a fairly concentrated area. Reindeer are pack animals and are often close together. During a heavy thunderstorm, they may have gathered even closer together out of fear,” NNI spokesman Knut Nylend told NTB.

Sorry kids.

Where in the World is Chris Tilling Now?

South Carolina.  Under arrest.  For stealing his favorite candy whilst naked.  This would never have happened if he hadn’t started rooming at SBL with Doug Campbell….

Luther For the Dinner Table

Taken as a whole, we Christians are just like the natural human body, which, so long as it is on earth, is never entirely pure, neither internally nor externally. Inwardly it is impure, for there it is full of mucus, snot, ulcers, pus, excrement, filth, and stench. Outwardly it is mangy, scurfy, lousy, and scabby; has dripping, oozing eyes and ears; and the longer it lives, the less that is beautiful and pure remains. But we know that the Christian’s body shall become beautiful and pure in the next life, and much brighter and purer than the bright sun is now. — Martin Luther

You’re welcome.