Zwinglius Redivivus

flagellum dei

The Bee Stings the Pentebabbleist Pseudoprophets

As the long summer stretch gets underway, local prophet-evangelist-apostle-healer David Bakker’s accurate prophecy average (APA) is hovering just above .300, edging out all other prophesiers to take the lead within the charismatic movement.

Going into Sunday’s prayer and healing service, Bakker was sitting at a still-respectable .292 average, but he had a strong showing at the service to overtake two other apostle-healers and take the number-one spot. According to several in attendance, Bakker stepped up to the microphone and prophesied boldly that a local woman was having some kind of trouble in her life, which turned out to be true, setting the tone for an impressive showing.

But trouble brewed in the second hour of the meeting, as Bakker got up to prophesy that Jesus would return before he finished his sentence, but was immediately proven wrong. “I got a little too excited and swung for the fences,” Bakker said in a post-service interview. “Once in a while you just want to let one rip, you know?”

Etc. hilarity.

Written by Jim

11/07/2016 at 4:51 pm

Posted in Modern Culture