It’s obvious given the fact that so many who don’t know, or care to know, anything about the Bible are still in the Ministry…
After attending a particularly powerful missionary presentation at his church last week, Mark Gerber, 21, reportedly felt an undeniable burning in his bosom—which he took to be a sign of God’s unmistakable calling for him to become a pastor. Unbeknownst to Gerber, however, the deluxe enchiladas he had consumed at lunch contained a large amount of tainted shredded beef, which was the actual source of the deep and powerful feeling within his bowels.
“I just know I’m called to ministry. It’s the craziest thing, like something new and special was placed inside me, something that definitely wasn’t there before lunchtime,” Gerber was overheard excitedly telling a group of friends engaged in small talk after the event. “I’m just so thankful God revealed His will to me in such a clear, precise way.”
“Symbolic of his struggle against reality…” Such are the days of our lives…
After a three day investigation, agents with the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation and detectives with the Knoxville Police Department arrested 32 men and women on prostitution and human trafficking-related charges.
TBI said two of the men arrested, including Grace Baptist children’s minister Jason Kennedy, responded to ads for what they thought were girls under the age of 18. Investigators say those arrested come from every sector. “All of these people are somebody’s neighbor,” said TBI Director Mark Gwyn.
Perversity knows no economic, racial, social, or sexual boundaries. Women were arrested right along with men.
During the investigation, more than 300 contacts were made to ads placed on the website, according to TBI. They said one of their agents posed as a juvenile girl and the ad received more than two dozen contacts. “Human trafficking is a scourge on society,” said Knoxville Police Chief David Rausch. “We will continue to commit all the necessary resources and work alongside our law enforcement partners to help protect our most precious resource our children.”
Child molesters is the proper term for these people. And no, they aren’t ‘innocent until proven guilty’. They responded to ads for sex. They’re already guilty.
I have immense respect for my friends who hold diametrically opposed views on social issues and yet remain friendly and absolutely no respect for ‘friends’ who require absolute agreement.
In another example of its recently-adopted “customer centric” business model, the Vatican announced Friday that it would begin taking competitor baptisms effective immediately—a move that is sure to cement the global chain’s dominant market position.
“Sprinkle, dunk, splash, Presbyterian to Methodist to Baptist—even Mormon,“ said Papal Spokesman Fr. Federico Lombardi at the press conference. “This is just another way for us to deliver convenience our customers.”
Fr. Lombardi says the Roman Catholic church, hoping to making the switch easier for those currently in contract with a Protestant denomination or another church or sect, will honor any baptism through its online “CatholicismSaves” customer discount program. Additionally, submitting any competitor baptism will be worth an automatic entry into the Vatican’s upcoming “Come Home Sweepstakes,” where one lucky winner will win a Treasury of Merit shopping spree, plus an exclusive offer of absolution.
#BAM. Or should I say, bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Eating. Pizza. Free. Because he stole it. Because he thinks he’s God.
In an unusual retail theft report, police said a man stole a box of pizza because “his name was God and everything was his.” It happened Tuesday morning at a Weis Market in Shippensburg, Pennsylvania. Police say Chris Tilling
Adam Farrell of Scranton refused to give his name when a store employee approached him and asked if he planned on paying for the pizza. Tilling Farrell continued eating and told the store employee he was God. When approached by police, Tilling Farrell said he was “God and the police was the Devil.” Police took Tilling Farrel into custody and identified his real name through a fingerprint check.
He’s snapped. All that time he spends hanging out with Tom Wright has finally rotted through to the core of his brain. Bless him.