Seminarians, take note:
1- Always make sure your fly is closed before you stand before a crowd.
2- Never leave the lapel mic on when you go to the bathroom. Never leave it on…
3- Don’t meet alone with any woman who isn’t old enough to be your grandma.
4- Don’t send pictures of yourself at the beach to the youth in your church on Facebook.
5- Never grow a beard, goatee, or especially a soul patch. They each, in ascending order, make you look more silly.
6- When you baptize people, tell them beforehand not to wear sheer white tops.
7- Never read from, or even own, a copy of ‘The Living Bible’.
8- If you’re given a Rick Warren or Joel Osteen book, be gracious, but throw it away. It’s trash.
9- Always eat anything on your plate – or be good at covering the inedibles with a paper towel.
10- Never take part in ‘blessing’ animals, cars, dogs, horses, houses, or other items or objects.
11- Pat children on the head, not on the bottom. You aren’t in the NFL and neither are they.
12- Breath mints. Never leave home without them.
13- Don’t take seriously any insult yelled at you by an Elder or Deacon.
14- Ignore everyone who says ‘I think we should have a sermon from….’
15- Never conduct a wedding for anyone you don’t see sitting in a pew regularly.
16- Never send a bill to a family for ‘services rendered’ when you pray at their family reunion.
If you remember these 16 commandments you’ll be much happier. Ignore them and you’ll quit within 2 years of beginning your ministry.
17- If you endorse a politician from the pulpit, you should resign right afterwards. Or better, right before.
18- Never use ‘sermon books’. If you can’t preach from the Bible, shut up.