Zwinglius Redivivus

Archive for the ‘mockery’ Category

#ICYMI- Why I Don’t Observe Halloween

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I’d add one to Brian’s fine list (a list, I have to tell you, which is just -fantastic).

#11- It’s a stupid holiday.

Go see Brian’s 10 reasons why he doesn’t celebrate the stupid holiday.

Written by Jim

October 30, 2014 at 07:59

Posted in mockery, Modern Culture

Martin Luther’s Thoughts on Rob Bell’s ‘Theology’

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You are the head of all the worst scoundrels on earth, a vicar of the devil, an enemy of God, an adversary of Christ, a destroyer of Christ’s churches; a teacher of lies, blasphemies, and idolatries; an arch-thief and robber; a murderer of kings and inciter to all kinds of bloodshed; a brothel-keeper over all brothel-keepers and all vermin, even that which cannot be named; an Antichrist, a person of sin and child of perdition; a true werewolf.  –  Martin Luther

Written by Jim

October 28, 2014 at 12:59

Congress Wants Every Defective #Airbag Recalled!

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Finally, they’re thinking just like the rest of us are!  We all want those worthless politicians who occupy Congress and steal our money and use it for themselves and their owners in industry recalled.  I’m just surprised they admit that they are airbags.

bag

Written by Jim

October 24, 2014 at 19:34

When Will Her Book Titled ‘A Year of Biblical Headcovering’ Come Out?

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And when will the media declare her to be a cutting edge go to ‘Christian author’ because she’s dabbled in dabbling in a decontextualized clothing experiment?  Because it has happened before… as you know… that someone who takes the Bible out of context and experiments with bits of it without understanding is feted by the media and becomes a darling among those who also lack any exegetical or theological sense…

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Written by Jim

October 23, 2014 at 16:40

Spiritual Spam

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The following delight arrived in the email and I reproduce it here unaltered for your enjoyment:

Good day Am Benard, how’s the church, i went through the internet and reviewed your church and I have seen great commintment in your believe and worship. Am no Christian and have sinned, i am sick and presently in the hospital, receiving treatment and i seriously know that i have little or no time to live in this world and wish for your prayers, i want to be close to God. please do not ignore me, please do pray for me and i know really there’s God. Do let me know this God. I also will love to make a donation of all my assets and finances to the church.
Thanks
Mr. Benard Hufana

So- if I understand this chap, he’s near death and wants to know about God and will, in return, give me his entire fortune. Nice!

Written by Jim

October 19, 2014 at 17:01

Posted in mockery, Modern Culture

Millennials Rewrite the Great Commission

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Were they aware enough of the Bible to know that there was a Gospel in it named ‘Matthew’, millennials would have Jesus say this at the end of it-

‘Go into all the world and make millennials happy and draw them into a ‘church’ that serves them rather than a place where they can learn to be servants, and lo, I am with you always, or until you find something better to do, amen.  Oh, and yes, there’s an app for that’…

images

Written by Jim

October 16, 2014 at 14:45

I Guess I Have to Send Him As Much As I Have… Because When a ‘Prophet’ Emails From Nigeria…

This is my favorite Nigerian scam email EVER- received just today.

Dear Friend,

I greet you in the name of God I know this mail might come to you as a surprise but take and treat with love as Christ love the church.

I am prophet TB JOSHUA, am requesting for your assistance in an ongoing project in our church in Nigeria, we about to building an orphanage home for the less privileged in Africa which headquarters will be in Nigeria.

I want to raise fund from all pastors and clergy that God might instruct to help either in cash or in kind. I’m a prophet and servant of God but I cant do it all alone, because a tree cannot make a forest , and as the holy bible says in 1st Corinthians chapter 13:1-6 Though I speak with the tongues of man as of angels and have not the charity, I am became as sounding as brass or tinkling cymbals, verse-2 And though I have the gift of prophecy and understanding mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith so that I could remove mountain and have not charity, I’m nothing verse-3 And though I bestow all goods to feed the poor and though I give my body to be burned and have not charity it profited me nothing. Verse-4 Charity sufferer long and kind, Charity voted not itself, is not puffed up.

God will bless you for any fund raised for this Godly project that will go a long way in helping us to grow orphans in the name and to the glory of God, your quick response to this mail will help us in Jesus name Amen.

God bless you,

prophet TB JOSHUA.
synagogue CHURCH
P.O. BOX 13563 …

I think Joel Watts should start calling himself ‘prophet’.  It so beats Bishop or Archbishop or Pope.

Written by Jim

October 4, 2014 at 11:27

Posted in mockery

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